Of small boys and big dialogues!

I ask the BH to press my legs.
Immediately a small voice pipes up " Venda Dada... athu tanne marikolum!" (dada, no need. It'll go away on its own!!!!) I'm rearing a teeny weeny chauvinist at home!!!

The Threes begin!!!

Happy Birthday Mowgli boy :-)

Time does fly, isnt it. Three years before this time, I was still in the hospital starving and scared and sick of the whole thing. I just wanted you to come out and finish this pregnancy business!!! Who would have thought that you would grow up to be this cute boy ? (P.s.Cute is a very relative term and something which I think we will use sparingly and your grandparents will find it inadequate to describe you and people who see you for the first time will gasp in shock if they hear Cute associated with you!)

You have grown up to be a very very naughty boy! A nice kind of naughtiness but.
You love to hug and kiss other people especially children and there have been many instances where the other kid has pushed you away and said "No. Enough!"
You have to hear at least three stories every night and most days you give us the list of the animals that need to be in the story. Like the other day , you wanted a story about the "kubcow". It took us some time to figure out that you meant a "calf"!!!
Cocoa is now your friend and ally. You have been heard threatening random people with the phrase " Cocoa will come and bite you!" You are yet to realize that your big bad doggie is a pure softie and will happily go with all your enemies if they would just pat her!
And you are a riot at times like when you tried to give a Hi-Five to the priest who did your vidyarambam.. The poor man didnt understand and we converted it to a hand shake. Or the time when you dismantled the almost broken lift handle and brought it home without me seeing and when asked for an explanation told me " Mowgli repait cheyan konduvanatha!(I'm going to repair it). Your dada was unaware of this and screamed at the security guards about how the handle was missing from the lift door! Or the time when we were on the terrace and you were kicking a ball and suddenly stopped and told me " mama, clap cheyu. waka waka paadu. Mowgli fooball kalikuva!" ( Mama, clap your hand and sing Waka Waka. I'm playing football!)
You are just waiting to be a big boy to get that guitar and set of drums. I'm also waiting...with dread though!!!
We are friends most of the days though we fight every single minute.You are your dada's pet. The limits are more relaxed there and you take full advantage of that. You like music and one day on seeing a random cd asked me if it was "moyt chofan". Well,it was not Mohit Chauhan, but you did make my day.. hehehhehe.
So today as on all other days I pray for your wellbeing, that God will take care of you always, help you decide between right and wrong and be with you always.
We, tho are a constant!!!
Cheers!
Mama

P.S. you have gone to your daycare very excited about your 'Lion Cake' and how You and Dhruva and Rehaan will finish it all off!

introspection...

Most problems come from the insecurities within… of fears that once surfaced and now refuse to die down…. of not trusting the other enough…. of judging too soon and too harsh.

Two religions.. different rituals.. different thoughts.. but are they also different? The thoughts? Shouldn’t they be the link that bind?

Who is family? when do we move away from our parents? Treat them as extended family and not immediate.

Is trust overrated? Why cant we just let go? Believe that the other will be fair. Believe that we are priority. Believe in the decision. Treat everything else as noise. Cocoon ourselves in this family.

In our hopscotch world, we need to create our own family traditions.. borrow some.. make some.. but all those that we believe in… both of us.. for our family and the ones to follow….

Look at the life ahead and the years wasted… make an effort to reclaim lost land… realize the happiness in being together with each other.. for each other always…
Life…

And wat somebody told me very recently.. we create the atmosphere which determines how people will react to us/behave with us…

From the mouth of babes!

Me : “ Mowgli, what did you do in daycare today?”
Mowgli : “ mama, 3 moskikos bite me!” and proceeds to show me three minuscule marks.
Me grinning widely at the mosquitoes from Moscow! : “ and then what happened?”
Mowgli : “ Then three bluds came!”
We all lose it at this stage…

At night I’m singing some old song to him. “mama, ee paatu venda.. Mowglinte favrit paatu kaito aanu.” ( not this song. My favourite song is kaito). I totally don’t get which song this is. He gives me long explanations of how he used to listen to this song and all. Finally he gets totally exasperated with me and runs and gets my mobile. “ ithilanu kaito” (kaito is inside this).. and then it strikes me.. it was Kahin Tu from jaane tu ya jaane na.. that used to be the only song stored in my mobile and long time back it was kept on loop for him to sleep. Don’t know why he suddenly remembered that song.

From God who was an abstract, Mowgli has somehow understood that God can get things done! One night in our daily prayers the first line by Mowgli was “Dear God, mowglinte toys loftinu eduthu taaa!” ( Get me my toys from the loft!) . Because he was naughty and was not keeping his toys back, I hid them away and told him that he’ll not get it again. And the again another day, he got these Bible quotes and was pretending to read them. I told him he was too small for this and maybe once he starts big school he can read one everyday. The reply I get “ Illa mama.. Mowglinu vayikaam. God parayuva Mowglinu 1 kinderjoy and 1 car also venam nu” ( No mama, I can read. God says , get Mowgli one kinderjoy and one car also).. Really?????

early teens?

There is something about a kid's responses that can leave you shocked and rooted to the ground!
The BH is away on a 10 day trip and we are alone. And as always whenever the BH is not there, Mr. Mowgli is invariably more cranky, Cocoa is definitely more naughty and I am certainly not at my best managing the two. Trips to the terrace lugging a dog, a cycle, a cover full of broken precious cars and a pint sized kid who throws a tantrum at EVERY single step! The first one is for forgetting to get the football ( did he think I have hidden arms?) , the next for not carrying him, the next for not allowing him to say Hi to all the neighbors on all the floors, the next for God alone knows what. The neighbors give me weak smiles wondering why I’m such a irritated person. I really don’t know why I take the trouble to do this . But once we reach the terrace everything is forgiven and forgotten. Cocoa is happy and running about like a crazy dog, Mowgli has arranged his toys and is playing with them quietly and I slowly exhale. The cool breeze sort of cools my heart also and I stand there lost. One of my close friends once said “ You need so little to be happy” . Yes, its true. But the reverse is also true, a little hurt can plunge me into depths you wouldn’t want your worst enemy to go”. I’ve tried controlling the intensity of my emotions and I’ve realized that it’s not possible for me to scale it down. There is only black and white in my world. Either I love you or don’t. It’s as simple as that. I might rage against you, make you laugh crazily, make you want to tear off your hair in frustration but all that only if I love you. If I don’t then you don’t even exist for me. You can do whatever you want, it will not make any difference to me. As you guessed it I can be a pain in a relationship :-) I try to be stable, God knows that I try..i rarely succeed though.

But I digress. So after the terrace thing, I again repeat the steps – lug dog, pick up cars, leave a howling Mowgli in the terrace and slowly make my way down. Mowgli after howling the place down realizes that its getting dark and his cruel mama is not going to carry him and slowly walks down to the flat.

In two seconds flat he has arranged all his toys on the table again. I try to clean up the flat from one end, he clutters it up from the other! I shout at him and a pitiful voice pipes out “ why mama you are like this?” and that is the final straw. It is a direct hit to the heart and soul and whatever and its all that’s needed to make me feel like the biggest failure ever! Tears tumble down and the usual blame game starts within my mind- how I’m always shouting, not happy with anything blah blah blah.. I’m sure he doesn’t even realize what he’s just said. I don’t even know from where he learnt this. Maybe from the same place that he heard “Go away. I no your fren.”

I leave him with his toys, go to our balcony and stand there looking at the plants. Soon, a wet nose snuggles in to my legs and tries to push me down. I sit down and hug Cocoa and start to cry again for everything and anything. It’s that moment when I love cocoa with all my heart, whatever I do to her good or bad she is always there.

Some time later one small boy comes upstairs hunting for me and hugs me hard and asks “ Mama, you are my fren?” We hug each other and stay that way for a long time forgiven by each other .

Till the next fight!

Mowgli-isms!!!

Irritated mama: “Mowgli put away your toys. I’ve told you NO toys on the dining table”
Rebellious son : “ Mama, I play on table okay? You no disturb me. Go do your joli (work). Okay?”
Hello??? Are we having parallel conversations here?

**********************************
The BH is busy packing his stuff for a week long trip. Mowgli comes to me and starts complaining “ dada notty boy! He no play with me. I no frens with dada. Notty boy”

************************************

In the morning while we are seeing off the BH. The little imp hugs the BH hard and says “ Dada, office ponda.. nammaku kettipidichu babo veykaam” ( don’t go to office. Lets hug and sleep). The father melts into a puddle on hearing this and is almost ready to bunk!
**************************************
“Mowgli wear your monkey cap.” Mowgli on turning the cap all around,” mama monkey ebide?” ( Where’s the monkey?) . Good question. Why is it called a monkey cap? God alone knows!

*******************************
And yesterday, in front of me my little boy who was scared to sit on his small chair a year back because his feet would not touch the ground, he climbed on to the kitchen counter using the drawer handles as steps!!!! There is no safe place in this house anymore…

For our monthly getaways the BH has started looking at places that allow dogs. And in the process we are discovering beautiful places. Homestays where the intent is not just to make money, but mainly to ensure that you have a good time. Where the people are nice and give a truly homely feeling.
Such was Mugilu. Near to Sakleshpur. Its about a 5hr drive from Bangalore. The homestay is run by a couple in their thirties. Very warm and friendly, they actually make an effort to make you feel comfortable. They have three cottages and can accomodate more people if needed. They'll provide spare mattresses etc if you are going as a group. The balconies in the cottages were to die for. Two easy chairs and a view of their estate.They have three dogs- a German Shepherd, a very friendly Rottweiler and a local breed. The dogs keep to themselves unlike the ones at Rappa. So even if you are scared of dogs don’t worry. They just sniff around and then go off to do their own thing. The best thing about such places are the total ease and comfortable feeling that you get. Cocoa gets to run around freely ( she is never chained) and she just enjoys these outings.
Sightseeing per say, we didn’t do much. Went to the Hemavathy backwaters in the evening, had fun playing in the knee deep water. Cocoa as usual went berserk with all that water around. The food was good tasty Kannada stuff. We really hogged!Nothing new about that, I know :-) The next day early morning went for a hike. Halfway into the hike we decided to not trek up to the top, but took a detour to a private waterfall. Slipped and slithered over the rocks, it was an adventure for us city people :-) played in the water and then got back with a HUGE appetite. We got back and dug into stacks of toast and omlettes, rava idlis and curries. Conversation was resumed after only a hour or so.
It was a very short trip. Reached there on sat afternoon. Started back by Sunday morning after breakfast. Got back to banaglore by evening. The perfect weekend.

[The meadows next to the homestay- Ideal place to play ball or just laze around with a book]

The battle!

Where did it start?
Was it when I accidentally overheard a friend on the phone giving advice to one of his friends that he shouldn’t marry a girl of the same age coz they turn old and fat very quickly. (The BH and I have an age gap of just a few months). I was shocked and more than that it was like a part of my self confidence just plummeted. He was my friend. Is this what he thought about us? And this was before my pregnancy! Yes, I had put on a couple of kilos after college, but was I that fat and out of shape ???
Or was it the time I met an old classmate who looked at me and exclaimed with glee” You have become so fat. You don’t look beautiful at all now!” Here there was more of pity for her blatant rudeness. I was pregnant at that time. Apparently she didn’t even notice.
The final straw was very recently when I met a friend who had slimmed down to her pre-pregnancy weight in 9 months after her delivery and here I was blaming those extra kilos on a two and half year old Mowgli!!!
It was a very depressing phase. I hated shopping for clothes, because invariable none would fit. I hated having to heave myself into tight salwars daily. I hated looking at the mirror and finally one day I decided that I HAD TO DO SOMETHING. This was something that I had to be strong and DO IT. I had joined the gym a couple of times, but they all fizzled out pretty soon coz the weight scales refused to budge. I love to eat and absolutely despise being hungry, so all those strict diets- GM, Atkins, liquid etc were not for me. Then one day purely by chance browsing through random sites I came across a couple of reviews of Rujuta Diwekar’s book “Don’t Lose your Mind, Lose Your Weight!” Acting purely on a whim I ordered the book and promptly forgot about it.
The book came a week later and from the first page I was hooked. It was completely completely doable. As the book suggested I took a look at my eating habits and realized why with all the gymming the scales refused to inch. SWEETS. I used to have a sweet after every meal. Be it chocolates/cakes/pastries/ puddings what not. If there was nothing available I would buy a Diary Milk and have it. The BH and I would eat out regularly 4-5 times a week. If not actual dinner, then at least an ice cream or pastry. Visits to Corner House and Cake walk were like a weekly feature in our house( weekends not included!) . Yes, it didn’t help that both of us loved sweets. All in all I had put on a total of 10-12 kgs from my college days and the BH around 15-20 kgs! If we needed to get back in shape, the first thing that had to stop/ at least reduce was eating out and sweets.
So what did we do?
1. Totally cut down on tea and coffee. From 7-8 cups a day went down to 1 cup a day. And with that reduced my sugar intake- each cup had about 2 big tsps sugar.
2. Instead of morning tea, I had something solid like a glass of milk, oats, fruits, nutrichoice biscuits etc. The one cup of tea that I have is in the evenings when I majorly need that energy boost.
3. Started having small meals every 2 hrs. This needs some amount of planning and stocking up to be done. I have cheese slices/fruits/handful of peanuts/salads/sprouts etc for those in between meals. Have kept a dabba of peanuts in office permanently to munch on if I forget to get something from home.
4. Eating out only on weekends and that too mainly for lunch. I guess this is the biggest factor that helped. So no more cheese cakes/ice-creams at 10pm. We have a light dinner at home and fill up on fruits.
5. Exercising regularly. It could be an hour in the gym or some days just 20 minutes. But EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! There were days when I didn’t want to go. The only thing that kept me going were the voices of my so-called-friends. Their snide remarks. That was THE one thing that pushed me to go to the gym even if I was tired/didn’t feel like going. The factor that this time the extra kilos should go and stay away!
6. Having sweets as a meal and not as dessert after a meal. So I would cheat and have my laddoo the first thing in the morning rather than have it after my dinner because there were less chances of converting it into fat.

Discovered that even if we couldn’t eat out, I could very well try making different stuff at home. I used to find cooking very boring, but now with trying out new and different recipies most of which we have not had before cooking is fun now. It also helps that the BH is very enthu about what all I make and is not fussy about food. I’ve lost about 4-5 kgs in 3 months. Pretty slow mainly because I never totally went off sweets and other fattening things. I’ve just reduced my intake. But more than kgs lost, the inch loss was awesome. Lost my double chin, my bulging 5 month-looking –pregnant tummy is down to looking 3 months pregnant, my hips and legs have toned down. All in all I look far more slimmer than I did before. And the best part about all this I feel that it’s a lifestyle change that I’ve made and its more sustainable in the long run. There is no way I’m going to get off these changes that I’ve made in my eating habits. Hopefully they will and should last me throughout my life. I still have about 5 kgs to lose. I will get there maybe in another coupel of months. Slow and steady :-)
And to all of you looking to lose weight, if I could do it with my greed for good food, then anybody can do it :-)

Crazy!

On the way to the daycare....
Music in the car : "Maula Maula, Maula meri maula..." from Delhi 6.
Mowgli intently listening to the music and then asks me " Ithu Mon lalinte paatalle? " (Isnt this MohanLal's song ?) yes I know, he pronounces Mohan Lal as Monlal, but still this was too much! The BH and I laughed for ages over this.
Evening returning from daycare... Some random music in the car. Mowgli after some time asks me " Ini mamootyde paatu vache!" (Now put Mamooty's song!)

How does he know MohanLal and Mamooty? Courtesy the grandparents! The BH'S family are crazy Mohan Lal fans and they have taught Mowgli famous dialogues etc. My mom is a die hard Mamooty fan and how could she stand her one and only grandson talking about Mohan Lal. So she taught him about Mamooty!!!
Crazy, arent they???

My first Mother's Day!

Mowgli came back from his daycare with a huge smile. His hands were hidden behind tightly clutching on to something. The BH tried to get him to show what it was but to no avail. "No Dada. Mowgli give mama!" a very stern voice piped out.
When I came back from office, my cute son gave a card to me and said "Lub you. :-) Happy Muter Day!" and a kiss... It was so nice. The lines were taught by the BH. The card was made by his aunties in teh day care. But the whole presentation was his and his alone. The eagerness, the feeling that this was something special, and his impish smile!
Well, my first Mother's Day card !!!
The green BH is eagerly waiting for Father's day!!!

Dear Mowgli boy

You are a BIG boy now. Or so you tell me. “ Mama, Mowgli big boy. Mowgline edukanda” ( No need to carry me now). The next instant you forget this and beg me to lift you up.
These are the days when you make me go absolutely crazy with your naughtiness and at the same time make my heart swell up in love when you decide that I need some loving. These days a prayer is almost always on my lips. A plea to keep you safe and not take you away from us. At least not in our lifetimes.
You talk nonstop. Sentences. Paragraphs. The other day I was hanging out the clothes to dry, I heard a strange voice from your room. You were playing with your trucks and mixer and cars. Apparently the truck was not well, so you were miming for it. A sick voice for the truck. Then another voice for the doctor who examined the truck and decided that an injection was due. I burst out laughing and came in and hugged you hard. You pushed me away irritated at me for disturbing your game. I used to talk aloud to myself, when I heard you also do that it was so funny!
You have started speaking in English and that again is so hilarious! “I want a this”, “I come, you go”. " I no come." and other jumbled up stuff
One day your dada refused to give you his morning cuppa tea for you to dunk your biscuits in, you immediately turned away from him and said “ You go! Mowgli no your friend!”. You had to repeat it a couple of times before we understood :-)
At times we tear our hair in frustration when you refuse to obey. You challenge us to take away your toys, to give you a screw. The only thing that works is being made to stand in a corner. I don’t know when you’ll behave, when you’ll start listening to us. When I will not have to threaten to take away your toys. Maybe once the “Nice threes” start? Just hoping :-)
Sometimes, the hurt is there. That you are the object of my love and the object of my frustrations. And the two are never balanced. There are days when I can control my anger/desperateness and not direct it at you, but some days it just slips out. I get irritated with you when all you want is to spend an extra 5 minutes playing in the water. Later on I feel bad about it. But at that instance I’m not thinking rationally. Daily I try making these vows to myself. That I’ll talk to you in a sane voice even when you are doing totally insane stuff, that I’ll not snap at your dada, that I’ll smile and get through the day. Well, well well… I’m a huge work in progress in that regard!
As a society we often talk about how children hurt their parents and how they should never do that. But I think more important than that is how parents hurt their children knowingly or unknowingly. By not listening to them when they speak, by dismissing their fears/concerns , by not treating them with respect, by fighting with each other in front of them. I read this in an old copy of Reader’s Digest a lot of years back and this is something that has stayed in my mind: “ The greatest thing a dad can do for his children is to love their mother” and I will add a “vice versa “ to it. The greatest gift that parents can give their children is to love one another.
And I hope that we can do that. Till we are gone. To love each other and love you and be a family.

memories

Today is Kitu's birthday. I still mark the date on my calendar. Rediff sent me reminder mails showing me potential gifts. His friends have wished him on Orkut.
All I can think of is why would God do this to someone so young? Somebody who has yet to live his dreams. We were planning to go for a rock concert. Planning to visit him in Goa. Hoping that he would get a job in Bangalore. And its all been wasted. Futile. I can think of so many people who could have died instead of him. What was the karma there? What was the purpose?
Love you lots Kitu. Be happy.
Those dreams... we'll live it up next time. Promise.

The BH got back safe and sound yesterday (most importantly with all bags intact!).

Mowgli has been all over him. Dada dada a hundred thousand times. I still hold to my theory that the love came only after the BH opened his suitcase and got out the cars and toys for Mowgli :-) He has been fiercely possesive about the BH hugging him tight, clinging to him and announcing to all and sundry "My Dada!". I hugged the BH and told Mowgli "Not yours, Mine! My Dada" (Yes, I'm childish that way). I was given a sharp rap on the head by a toy hammer and a stern warning "ini cheeyvo?" (Will you ever repeat that again?) . From where did he learn that????

Dads and their little fans! Hmmph! I'm off to read my book in peace!

Conversations with a 2.5 yr old

"mama, no mayuti okay?"
"Why no maruti? Mama drives well, no?"
Diplomatism at its best! " Mayuti tired. go auto okay?"
********
I'm trying to feed him something and he is refusing to open his mouth.
"Mowgli!"
"Mowglinu desham varuva!" (Mowgli is getting angry! Verbatim copy of what I tell him normally)
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Conversation on our way back from day care.
"Mama, Mowgli notty boy"
"Why Mowgli? Mowgli good boy alle?"
"No mama. daycare anty Mowgli notty cheythu" ( Mowgli did something naughty)
No idea what he did there but!
**********
I'm combing his hair and tell him "Mowgli smart aayello"
looks at me head to toe and says " Mama smart aayi" :-) My day is made.
*********
On our way to daycare "Mowgli... is Akash a good boy?"
"Nooo. Aakaaash notty"
"Purab?"
"pooraaab notty"
"Chetu?"
"Chetu notty"
"So no good boys in your daycare? All are naughty?"
"Mowgli good boy" and an extremely satisfied smile!!!! Talk about self confidence
************

Super Woman!

i miss you so much when you are not here. Maybe if you were here, i might have snapped at you, shouted at you, cribbed about the work. but i miss you. i really do. even if its the snapping part :-)
On another note, I passed the test of "being a good Indian daughter-in-law" . Last night around 9pm I get a call from my sister in law that her parents aka my in-laws are landing here today and not day after tomorrow as we had thought before. The moment she hangs up, I rush to the fridge. Empty shelves look back at me . The vegetable tray has a lone shrivelled tomato glaring at me. I was planning to do the shopping today evening! I make plans to make a quick moru curry and some channa for their lunch and peacefully go to bed. Around midnight I wake up with a start. Its Vishu (Mallu New Year) today and it calls for a sadya!!!! Try as I might I cannot go back to sleep. Plan A, plan B, C all roll about. I will have to buy vegetables, make everything and clean the house by 9 am! The task called for superhuman strengths.
Started off at 5 am. Multi tasking in the kitchen, juggling Mowgli, making numerous trips up and down 4 floors ( Bloody lift not working again!!!), bought vegetables , cooked and cleaned the kitchen, changed the sheets, cleaned up the house all in record time. Called my mom at 5.30 am to ask for a recipe and scared her out of her wits. She thought we had again been robbed :-)Mowgli for once was really understanding. He played quietly with his toys opening his mouth occasionally for me to push something in amidst the mad rush. And did I tell you that Mowgli has diarrhoea. So we did go to the bathroom around 5 times and then his medicines were over, so again go down 4 floors, buy medicines and climb up again!
And then I looked at the table. There was sambhar, cabbage thoran, koorkha olathiyathu, pineapple pachidi, pappadam and semiya paayasam. Not bad, I pat myself :-)
Rushed to office after dropping them off at home, so no clue as to whether they enjoyed it or not.
My knees are creaking and my back is aching. But its a good feeling nevertheless to know that I can do this if I need to. Do all this alone along with looking after a kid :-) Ego boost!!!
By the way, Happy Vishu. Njoi!!!!

of little boys and their dadas

Yesterday night I was telling a bedtime story to a very restless Mowgli who absolutely refused to sleep.
"lion story venam" (Want lion story).
"Okay. Once upon a time, in a jungle, there was a baby lion called Mowgli lion. He had a mama and a dada and ..."
"Mowgli dada ebide?" (Where is Mowgli's dada?)
"Mowglinu dada venam." ( Mowgli wants his dada)
I mentally kicked myself for including a dada for the lion! #$#%##@! Thankfully distracted him with tales of how many cars and toys his dada will be getting for him blah blah blah..
The BH is travelling and his devoted son is missing him pretty badly. Day before yesterday, he woke up and told me " dada momo veetil poyi. car kalikua. mowgli screw koduthu. dada karayuva!" Roughly translated as his dada has gone to play cars with another friend and Mowgli gave him a good scolding, resulting in dada crying!
And to add to all this he wakes up with a fever today!!! I'm sure its psychological! Every time the BH is out, my son gets a fever or wakes up at 3 am and howls the place down!
I was told that sons are attached to their moms and daughters to their dads. Here its just the reverse!!!!
Waiting eagerly for the master of the house to get back!

Where did we go?

Do you like spending time with me?
When you think of me, does it bring a smile to your face?
Do you plan to do stuff with me?
Do you like talking to me?
Do you like doing things with me?
Do you eagerly wait for me to get back from work?
Do you think of us growing old together?
Can you imagine us ten years hence?
Am I your life?
Does my smile make your heart light?
Do you love me?

Where am I and where are you? Together and yet apart. Friends hanging on a thin thread. Soul-mates lost somewhere in the maze of life.
I search for you, for the you I loved, for the you I fought for, for the you I want to spend my life with. Where are you?
Black clouds gather above us. Evil wishes hover around. I pick at beads, at holy water mumble the little prayers I know. Try to dispel the gloom. But maybe it is in us.
My hand looks for yours. For the comfort I feel, for the warmth. For that is love. If I could just feel so looking at two intertwined hands. One snug in the other.
My eyes look into yours. Where have you gone? The twinkle, the depth. Where did it go?
You.
Me.
Where did we go?

of cocktails!

The BH calls me up at work.
"Do we have lime?"
"Why?" I'm multi tasking between two excel sheets and 3 ppt's. "Why? What are you going to make?"
"Going to make cocktails!" He is very excited!
"hmmmm... "
"Do we have mint?"
"Hmmmm, yes. I think so. At least we have the plant."
"Do we have muddle?"
This gets me! My fingers stop tapping away at the keys and he has my full attention. "What? What did you want?"
He repeats "Muddle. Will I get it in Spencers?"
I think I know what he is looking for. Suppressing a smile, I ask him to read out the recipie.
My very confident husband reads out " Add lime and mint and muddle"
!!!!!!!
I'm still laughing!

Indian Heritage Academy

The BH wanted to learn to play the chenda. It is a Kerala style drum . We googled it, asked people about it, but hit a blank wall. Many months later I was talking about this during our evening chai session and one of the managers told me to go enquire at Indian Heritage Academy. This was the first time I was hearing about this place. Got their number, found out that they have a guy who teaches the Mridangam. And after that we did nothing! Finally last week, we decided to go see this place. I fell in love with it! It has anything and everything being taught. So while you walk about, there is a bharatanatyam class going on in one corner; another room you can hear the Saaaaa, Reee of a young crowd . A little further on there are painting classes, guitar, keyboard, most instruments and yes Kathak too! ( I’ve been looking for a good place to learn Kathak for the past couple of years) We looked at the timings and joined the two classes immediately. The BH has signed up for Mridangam classes and me for the Kathak Beginners Class. I wanted to put Mowgli in something, but he is too small for any of these. But when he grows up, he is definitely coming here!
It made me happy to do this. Maybe because I get this feeling sometimes that we are wasting our life away looking at excel sheets or just doing the same things over and over again. Are we doing the things that will matter to ourselves in the long run? And there is this tiny voice telling me to make time for these, coz the rest do not matter!!!

Beautiful Rappa

We dream of estates and sprawling farmhouses. Dogs gamboling about in the background. Long walks. The works.
Last weekend we saw a place that came very close to our dreams. RAPPA. This is an eco-lodge about 25-30km away from Hassan. This was a trip we’d been planning since last year and for some reason or the other it never happened. For us when we started from Bangalore, there were no expectations. The only plus point as we saw it was that the guy who ran this place was very enthu about us bringing Cocoa. He’d told us laughingly “I’ve 3 dogs of my own here.”
The first sight that greeted us were three dogs sitting patiently under a tree looking at the approaching Bolero. The BH parked the car and got out to inquire about the place, a small spitz(very similar to a Pomeranian) hopped into the car! I opened the door and a gorgeous Irish setter sniffed around me soon followed by a Basset Hound. Mowgli was surprised and a little scared. Cocoa was completely scared. She just looked out of the window at all these funny creatures around me. And then the star of the place ambled in. A HUGE golden retriever! Absolutely CUTE. It was so amazing. All these dogs, really friendly not jumping at you or anything. They are just curious about ‘who are these people?” types. We soon forced Cocoa out of the car and Voila! The usual sniffing, growling etc etc happened and then all five were off!
The place as such is very basic. If you are looking for luxury or even The Jungle Lodges kind of cottage, then this is not the place for you. You have only the necessities here. Tents/machans equipped with just a bed. There is no fan/table/chair etc. There is a small bathroom with running water next to the tent. And then there is space. A WHOLE LOT OF IT! To walk, run, play cricket/football, laze around whatever you wish. This is basically on the bank of a reservoir. So during the summers, the water levels have receeded and then you have all that land lying there. The entire church in the below picture gets submerged during the monsoons. All you can see is the bell tower!We played in the waters, did kayaking, went for early morning walks, late evening walks, generally just roamed about enjoying the place. Cocoa went wild on seeing so much of place for her to run. She swam for the first time in her life seeing the other dogs do it so effortlessly and took to it within 5 minutes. So we were taking turns kayaking and cocoa would swim along with us. They also organize midnight treks etc, but since Mowgli was there with us we opted out of those. The above snap is Mowgli with the dogs. From left, Shunti the spitz, Brown the Irish Setter, Shadow, the Basset Hound lying down and Cocoa's tail! And in the first snap, thats me and Milo the huge golden retriever.

It is a great place to unwind, to hang out with a bunch of friends. And it is definitely a place we are going back to again and again!!!

"Every marriage has its own balance"

said a colleague today. It struck me that amidst all the yin and yang and contradictions that drive and hold a marriage there is an internal rhythm. Something that keeps them together. This is maybe our balance:
I like the music to be LOUD, reverberating off the windows… You like it soft and soothing to the ear!
I like to curl up with a book. You like to cuddle up to the remote!
I like quiet evenings at home. You need at least three people around you.
You like outdoor games. I am content with Scrabble.
You have perfected the art of smiling at your foes. I am yet to stop myself from scowling at my enemies!
I love cats and dogs and squirrels and all animals. You draw the line at dogs and horses.
You are my backbone. I’m your conscience.

Tunes and lyrics!

I grew up listening to an eclectic selection of music. My dad was a big fan of country music, elvis Presley, beatles, abba , Boney M and the like. My mom freaked out on Mohd Rafi, Koshore Kumar and old Malayalam songs. They were really poles apart J Music was a constant be it my mom listening to the radio when she was in the kitchen or my dad playing Elvis Presley at full volume at 11pm . That was his way of relaxing. Wonder what the neighbours thought! And unconsciously this is one gift that they both have given me! A love for music!
There is no particular genre, but different kinds of music for the different moods I’m in. English country music to cool me down when I’m in one of those highly frustrated moods. Old hindi songs to thoroughly enjoy that romantic/melancholy mood. Peppy numbers to get into that dancing/groovy kind of feel. Music when I’m working, music when I’m alone at home, music when I’m tensed, music when I’m happy. Songs that I love singing aloud to. Songs that I’ll never get bored of. Songs that remind me of my dad playing the guitar and singing in that high bass voice. Songs where I find myself wishing I could meet the lyricist and ask them 'How in the world did they write this!'
The one thing that I really really wish that Mowgli would pick up. Learn an instrument/learn Hindustani or Carnatic music. Be a Sivamani or a Bryan Adams :-)
Music is one great leveler- something that can soothe away every hurt and maybe like Time, music also heals…

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE

GVE ME SOME SUNSHINE

GIVE ME SOME RAIN

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE

I WANT TO GROW UP ONCE AGAIN!

So given a chance what will you do?

I for one will sit once more for the MBBS entrance examination and make sure I clear it. The feeling that I should have taken it once more instead of taking the easy way out (Engg) is getting reinforced again and again. I really really wish I could have been a doctor. I think I would have made a good doctor :-)

I would have continued with my dance classes. Not just left it because when I moved to a new town, I did not like my new teacher! After learning for 10 years, I should have taken it up professionally. Or at least pursued it regularly. For someone who can be so passionate about dancing, I really do not understand why I did what I did!

I would have ignored the small stuff! Not mentally tortured myself over every one of life's thorns.

Not many regrets when I look back, but the ones that are there are damn strong.

What about you? If given a second chance what would you do?

Aal izz well!

A month has passed and the year has started to feel old. I’m trying to hold on to my resolutions.

Trying to rein in my impatience and to resist snapping at the BH and Mowgli. Have lately realized something strange. That the person I snap the least at is Cocoa in spite of how tiring it gets at times cleaning up the house after her. Daily vacuuming, washing her bathroom, the balconies, taking her out twice a day, mixing stuff in her food so that she finishes it (Yes! I’ve been blessed with two fussy eaters- Cocoa and Mowgli!), brushing her, bathing her. It’s a lot of back breaking work and if you add it to the other work that I already have then it sort of pushes me over the brim. But somehow, I’m gentler with cocoa- more than Mowgli I feel. Is it because she is mute and I feel that since she can’t speak, I must not hurt her or is it because of her undying devotion and love towards me irrespective of how I behave towards her. The happy lick at the end of the day, big paws resting on my chest, she never holds grudges, is always ready to greet me with a huge smile and a wagging tail- so unlike us!!!

The FRM results came. Didn’t clear it. It’s the first exam that I’ve flunked and it hurts the more for it. The BH is pushing me to write it again: his logic is that if I don’t clear it then it’s forever going to stay in my mind like a thorn. So I’ll give it again, but not this year. We frankly do not have that kind of money to waste this year and I’ll have to prepare more for this. It’s not going to work with managing a home, kid and office together. Maybe later on. I don’t know.

The bolero came and brought along with it a fresh wind of travel. We’ve been going on a lot of short drives this month and it becomes us J I like the space, the rugged feeling, the sense of adventure it brings with it! Mowgli loves it, he has captured the middle seats as his paradise. “Boleeeroill tata ponam” (want to go Tata in the Bolero) has become a steady phrase these days.

The paternal grandparents were here for a week and we are royally ignored. Where before I loved this break, this time it hurt! Pretty badly. It hurt that we didn’t get to hug Mowgli at all, he was not interested in talking to us, it just cemented that kids are indeed SELFISH! For him, it was like he got two people who were willing to play with him 24 hrs a day, switch on the Teebee (TV) whenever he wanted, did not force him to eat anything that he did not want and who catered to every whim and fancy. And having got them he just did not want to let them go! We could have used this as a great opportunity and ran off to do our own thing, but instead we sulked and slouched around.

On a happier note, I’ve started driving to work. After sitting on a license for close to 10 years, I’ve finally picked up my courage , ego and the car keys in that order! it’s been eventful to put it mildly. If you find a Maruti 800 going so slowly that pedestrians easily walk by , driven by a crazy lady who glares at the traffic and is seen mumbling to herself well, that’s me!

Another silver lining is Mowgli’s started speaking. Sentences. English, Malayalam, Hindi and Mowgli-speak. “Go to poori!” That is English at Mowgli level. He has picked up a lot of phrases and words from his daycare, from us, from God alone know where! So it’s a mix of English and Malayalam and Hindi with the words substituted wherever. So if he wants to go upstairs he says “Go to Mol” (mol is the shortened version of up in Malayalam). “ Come phasht”. In his world there is always a sense of urgency. There is no “come” it always has to be “come phasht” the faster the better. There are days he wakes up at three in the morning and says “Mowglinu book bayikaam” (Mowgli will read book now). Does he have exams at the daycare???? “Mowglinu Teebee kaanam” ( Mowgli will see the TV now) Note how there is no permission or question in his sentences. They are all orders delivered albeit with a smile! “Koko sit. Mowglinu moli keranam” (Cocoa, Sit. Mowgli wants to get on top of you) and the poor dog that she is obediently sits quietly while his highness clambers on top of her and pretends that he is riding a horse. I’m sure that if Cocoa could speak, one day she would ask God “Of all the houses in Bangalore, why this house? Why me? “ And the best of the lot! His favourite song is “maata kali” (masakali from Delhi 6) The moment the background music starts our man gets all excited saying maata kali maata kali!

All in all Life is happening J and the mantra this year is to LIVE!

Truth!

"To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today"

‘Effective Parenting’ Ms.Kiranmai Choudary from Glen Doman’s Institutes.