The new house is coming along. Its that last stage of the work when it just isnt getting over and there are hundreds of things to do.

We want to move in three weeks and as of today it seems highly unlikely. I have this weird obsession that this place might be more saner and less cluttered and lucky for us. Lucky? Now where did that thought come from? All the houses we have lived in have given us their share of joys and sorrows. Hopefully, here the joy will overshadow everything else.

Marie Kondo is on my mind these days. Taking only those things that gives me joy and makes me happy. Well, that doesn't apply to those clothes that do not fit and I might get into them sometime later!!!

I hope that with a place for everything, we will manage to keep it clean. The kids and us!

Mentally am in a mess. There are so many things happening simultaneously, with work and this and kids. Its like a screen with hundreds of tabs open at a time!

Need to focus.. to stay calm.. there is this usual s…


Just as he is entering school, he turns back and says "Mama, dont worry... I dont have exams today!"

As if I am the one who needs to worry about him having exams!!!

Feb Day 6

The highs and lows.. today its the low!

Feeling disappointed that my health is not improving and the criticism from everybody. You are not doing enough.. not doing anything regularly..
Its easy for people to say.. but what they do not realise is I'm no superman to continue doing things without seeing any benefits. Its extremely frustrating to not see any benefits, to fight the cravings, tiredness along with trying to stay positive.

Sometimes, the disappointment is that I try so hard to encourage everybody around me, go out of my way to help friends and family achieve what they want to.. but when it comes to supporting me, there is nobody around. I know this is a very unfair statement to make, but today this is how I feel.

I am tired of the constant criticism, the small niggling ones that never focus on what I have achieved, but more on what I let slip...
I am tired of the constant battles of having to prove myself again and again...
I am tired and jealous of others whose parents …

Feb Day 5

snippets from when Bambi was small..

"mama.. mooon.. see... ayyo moon potti poyi!!!!"
(it was a half moon)

dada... bambi kutty alla.. kutta vilicha mathi... ( because the BH calls Mowgli kutta)

mama.. bambi chaaatambo aanu...
what is that?
chaatamboo... (she meant chattambi!)


and yesterday..

She didnt wish her old drawing teacher and when I asked her why, this was the reply
"Bambi oru secret parayaam.. you can tell nobody.. but you can tell dada and chacha..
Bambi shy aanu"

Feb Day 4


Feb Day 3

The mantra for January was " Do what you have to".

Did this change my life? Not really, coz I think I’m the person who does go out and do things without really thinking a lot about what others will say.
But this did help me in doing some things which I would have otherwise not followed up. Like the get together we organised at our flat. The BH got quite irritated in the beginning, muttering that it’s only us who are interested and why do we have to do this and such. I knew that people were interested, it’s was just a matter of somebody doing the organising and putting it together. The venue was planned in a day, tasks given to people, counts taken. And just like school days, there was this initial set of people who raised their hands and slowly slowly everybody else raised their hands... the BH rallied around to get the food organised and to take care of the budget. And we pulled it off in just two days. 
It was a huge success with many people thanking us personally and pub…

Feb Day 2

Dear Bambi,
Sometimes I forget you are still a small girl who just wants to be hugged and pampered for no reason. Isn’t that there in all of us? I myself feel that way almost everyday. For somebody to look after me and pamper me as if I were a baby.
And because you are not the person who will make a fuss and are way mature than your years I sometimes forget. But I want you to know that sometimes you have to ask and that’s all it takes. 
Like today, after an early morning kathak class. When we were waiting for Chachan to come and had two hours to spare. We both went to a nearby cafe. Had sandwich, played atlas. You were happy and contented. I could see it in your face. And then we came back to our class where you scrambled on to my lap and said I want to rest now. Not sleep only rest. So I rocked you to rest... Not sleep, mind you.. only rest. Just like how you told me to.
And I again remembered that maybe thats all it takes. To be a parent is to listen to your children. They know wha…