Morning rush time again.. Mowgli and I were hurrying down the lift- it was not really late, but close. Mowgli was whining that he wanted to be dropped by car and I was grumbling that its just a 2 min walk and we are not that late. In the rush, he accidentally pressed the wrong button. I started shouting at him and the lift door opened at the same time. At the wrong floor. Where our neighbour was standing. He looked at both of us, awkwardly smiling at him, smiled at us and looked at me "Dont scold him, its alright". The lift doors closed at the right time just so he didn't see my eyes tear up.
I dropped Mowgli (no, he wasn't late! there was plenty of time!) and all the way back I kept thinking about what my neighbour said. Did he mean the shouting in the lift or was he talking about something else? Could they hear me shouting at the kids almost all the time these days? I wonder what they think about us? And the biggest one - AM I a bad mother?
I realise that I take out most of my frustration on the kids and the dogs. Mowgli in particular because he is the messy one, louder one and the elder one. I keep forgetting that they are only nine and five years.. Not old enough to behave like adults.... But they are the most convenient outlets and that makes me feeling worse. How bad can I get to take out my anger on two small kids???
My frustration at not being to understand why the BH retreats into a shell most of these days... as far as I know there is nothing wrong and it just seems like a i-dont-care-whats-with-my family thought that drives the BH to his shell. Where he will sit for days, answering in monosyllables, sitting quiet throughout the day. I don't know what triggers this and its driving me crazy. Is it me? Is it something I said? Is it something I did? And then I keep thinking why should it always be about me? I'm sick and tired of accepting the blame for everything that goes wrong around here. In spite of all that I do, there always seems to be a huge gap.
God bless all of us. What else to do?
I dropped Mowgli (no, he wasn't late! there was plenty of time!) and all the way back I kept thinking about what my neighbour said. Did he mean the shouting in the lift or was he talking about something else? Could they hear me shouting at the kids almost all the time these days? I wonder what they think about us? And the biggest one - AM I a bad mother?
I realise that I take out most of my frustration on the kids and the dogs. Mowgli in particular because he is the messy one, louder one and the elder one. I keep forgetting that they are only nine and five years.. Not old enough to behave like adults.... But they are the most convenient outlets and that makes me feeling worse. How bad can I get to take out my anger on two small kids???
My frustration at not being to understand why the BH retreats into a shell most of these days... as far as I know there is nothing wrong and it just seems like a i-dont-care-whats-with-my family thought that drives the BH to his shell. Where he will sit for days, answering in monosyllables, sitting quiet throughout the day. I don't know what triggers this and its driving me crazy. Is it me? Is it something I said? Is it something I did? And then I keep thinking why should it always be about me? I'm sick and tired of accepting the blame for everything that goes wrong around here. In spite of all that I do, there always seems to be a huge gap.
God bless all of us. What else to do?
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