And then life happened!

One of my friends is getting married in three months and we were discussing possible honeymoon locations. I sent him a couple of links. Some minutes later he asks me “Have you done a Ph.D in this?” I smile the whole thing away, but there is a heavy feeling in my heart.
These were places which I wanted to see with the BH. Places where I wanted to go. Soon after marriage before all the responsibilities strike you, when you are still young and free, while you still believe in the beauty of life. Sleep in log cottages. Look at the snow capped mountains and sip coffee. Go for long walks. Stay up all night talking about everything and anything. Take oodles of photographs. Cozy honeymoon snaps. Make it a memory, a memory to go back and look at with fondness when things get wild. The stuff dreams are made of. At least my dreams.
And then life happened!
At first we did not have the money considering that we did not get any financial help from our parents when we got married. So most of our savings went in setting up the house and even that was a five year plan. Then once we had something in the bank and could afford it, we bought this house. The huge emi’s ensured that all such trips were out of the question. And then I got pregnant and mowgli came along. We can go now since Mowgli is old enough to be left with his grand parents, but I doubt whether it would be the same. We have changed, our thoughts have changed and maybe the way we look at this trip or feel while on the trip might not be the same. This is the cynic/eternal pessimist in me that’s doing the talking. Four years into our marriage this list of places remains just a word document in my laptop. A word doc that I eagerly forward to friends for their honeymoons. I still don’t know why I bother to keep it, I just can’t bring myself to delete it coz I had spent a lot of my time compiling that list and somehow to delete it requires more will power than I currently have.
So the list remains along with a lot of other such paraphernalia that I had before life happened!

P.S. http://www.chaletsnaldehra.com/ one of the links.

Thought for the day.

It is not the tangible things in life that affect us,

but the intangibles;

our beliefs, desires, values and our vision for the future;

Tantrums and tears again!!!!

I think I spoke too soon last week that mowgli was adjusting to day care. This week he is back to square one. And to top it all the BH is on tour. He absolutely refuses to sleep at the day care and by the time its 4.30 he’s ready to sleep standing. They keep on calling me asking somebody to come pick him up because he is crying non stop. There is no way I can leave the office so early considering that I come in only by 1. So my sister in law, L, picks him up from daycare and he is driving her nuts He has a nap at her place for an hour or so and then wakes up totally angry. Screaming. Crying .cranky. Yesterday she took him to the BH’s cousin’s house and he calmed down for a while. After some time the crying again begins. L has spoken to her manager that she will be leaving early for a couple of days and she assures me that there is no problem.. Today I have asked her to go to our place from daycare. Maybe if he sees cocoa and his toys he’ll not be so insecure. It is a good thing that they stay close by. Even then this can’t be a long term solution. I have to prove myself here and get that work from home thing fixed for those days when the BH is out. For the past two days I have been leaving office early. It is embarrassing to do it when you are just a few days old into the organization, but what else to do?
I wish I could find out what he is thinking? When I drop him there and go off does he realize that I’ll be back? When he sees my SIL instead of the BH can he understand its temporary? Does he really like the place? Is he happy there? He used to spend an entire day with L having seen here from the time he was born. So now I can’t understand why he is so cranky with her. It was not like that before.
Mowgli has been slightly feverish and very cranky today. I didn’t want to take any risk and aggravate it further. So gave him crocin drops and told the daycare people to make him sleep somehow. The first week that we had started this daycare I had seen another mother drop her sick child at daycare along with instructions on what food to give here and what medicines. At that time I felt so sorry for that little girl. That she was sick and maybe wanted her mother more than medicines. Today when I left mowgli and walked out I felt sorry for that mother who had to leave her sick child and rush to office saving her leaves for an emergency. The plates have turned and it doesn’t at all feel good.

TRAITOR TRAITOR TRAITOR!!!

MY SON!!!
what do they say about kids adjusting fast? Very very true.
Yesterday I took Mowgli to the day care. All the way he was quiet and hugged me hard giving me small kisses and a huge bear hug. I was mentally bracing myself for the tears and the howls and clinging to me like a limpet. The moment we entered the day care and his aunty came ( The ayahs are called like that. Each ayah handles two kids) he jumped into her arms with a DIRRRRRRR... and pointing frantically at the toy cars. I was shell shocked!!!! How could he do this to me? Yes I wanted him to be happy there but is this the way to behave? Shouldn't he spare a thought for poor old me who was standing there lips puckered and ready to cry at any moment! Yes, yesterday it was the reverse. Mowgli was telling me bye and I was the one crying!!!!
He had his lunch there yesterday. Things are definitely looking up. :-)
Poor mama is slowly becoming obsolete :-( (p.s. think I should have another baby. just to enjoy that 100% attention once more)

Jewellery for Cocoa

As she is in her teenage phase now ( according to the doggie calendar) we decided to get her a pendant. A shining bone with her name inscribed on it hanging on a silver chain.

The first day

went off okay okay :-) ( heaves big sigh of relief!)
I had left Mowgli with my sister-in-law as today the timings were 9-5. The BH is still travelling and hopefully should get back tonite. He slept the whole morning and stayed in the day care till 4.30pm without crying. He still refuses to eat and sleep there, but today he was in a good mood. It seems he was playing non-stop and stopped only to eat some biscuits and drink milk. He cried like mad the moment my sister in law went to pick him up, but after two minutes he saw a pretty lady and her daughter and promptly started smiling and showing off his antics at them!!! ( p.s. this guy is a born romeo! The second day at the day care during nap time he immediately crawled into the bed of the prettiest girl there and started kissing her tummy!!! I have a feeling that the BH and I will be regular visitors to his school!)
He even proceeded to tell a Bye to the day care people which says that 'maybe' he is starting to like the place.
My day also went off well. I was actually grinning to myself in the auto happy that I'm going back to work. Till today I never thought I would be so hyper about it. Today and tomorrow is the induction programme for all the new joinees from all divisions. The usual gyaan and form filling. By Wednesday I get to meet my team and will have a better idea of the work. It is a 6000+ people strong office and reminds me so much of my GE days. The way the people dress, the American way of working, the cafeteria everything. They even have the same jargon!!!
At 5 yrs of experience I was one of the oldies in the batch. Most of them were freshers.
I missed Mowgli a lot, but I would be lying if I said that I missed him all the time. I guess you never cease to be a mom. Constantly wondering what he was doing in day care, did he eat, did he sleep etc etc. At 6 when the session got over I ran out, got an auto and reached my sis in law's place all eager to see my baby. I could see through the window that he was happily playing and talking with her. The moment he saw me he started crying and hugged me hard. The tears as usual stopped in two seconds but the hug lasted longer. It was as if he had also missed me a lot and just wanted to bury his nose in my neck and smell me and make up for all the lost time. He seems okay now though is a little clingy but thats okay coz I myself am acting very clingy with him. He is sleeping peacefully now and all is well in our world.
As for me I am off to get some sleep before the BH comes sometime at midnight.
Tomorrow is another day....

D Day!

I start work tomorrow.
I am still not clear whether this is the right time to get back to work or not.
After working from home for so long, I dont want to ask others permission for my time.
Mowgli still has not adjusted to the day care.
The BH has never fed Mowgli before. Now he is going to be responsible for Mowgli's dinner everyday.
I need to recollect how I managed office and home.
Cocoa is still not toilet trained.
I am apprehensive about the job, the profile, the place.
I am worried about Mowgli.
I am sad that I will not be there with him for a major part of the day.
Will the day care people look after my baby properly?
I still have a tummy and can't fit into my shirts.
I want to do justice to my job and my family.
I wish that I had got this job later.
Will I ever be ready to leave Mowgli and go to office?
How will we manage when the BH goes on his tours?
I want my husband with me right now. ( he is cavorting in the US right now :-( )

Can somebody give me a magic potion that has oodles of confidence and assurance that my baby will be fine?
Or more importantly assure me that I'll be fine???