LIVE AND LET LIVE???

What happened to that? I wonder.
I read Y's post on how many mommy bloggers are getting too judgmental and a lot of things which she said ranked true. I have read many of these blogs and it used to make me feel very inadequate and guilty that maybe there were a lot of things that I was not doing well enough. Was not spending more time with Mowgli. Was shouting at him unnecessarily. Blah Blah and Blah blah.
I returned to work 4 months after Mowgli was born. The company where I was working had offered me many flexibilities- Work from home in the afternoons, laptop, blackberry everything that helped me stay connected with office and also ensured that I could spend time with my baby. The problems started once the maids kept on leaving. Each time a maid would leave and the agency provided us with the next one, there would be a 2 week gap where I had to explain things at work. It was embarrassing though the office people were pretty cool about it. Maybe all this worked because it was a small concern, they were sure that I would not shirk my work etc etc. sadly they closed down their India operation and I was hired as a part-time consultant to their UK and Malaysia teams at half the pay. I was okay with that, because yes, it gave me a lot of time with Mowgli and also we were just tired of the servants and their problems and getting Mowgli adjusted to a different one each month.
Y, in your case you have a very trusted maid who has been with your family for ages. If I had somebody like that to leave my kid with, I am sure I would have looked at another full time position when my company closed down. As it is we do not have that option. Now I am looking at full time positions, we have decided to place Mowgli in a day care centre. So that is a choice I am making. Many people do not agree with me. In fact a friend of mine asked me “How can you be so cruel?” What do I tell her? That I have a life apart from being a mother; That I have worked for five years and am missing that by sitting at home; That I feel I’m wasting my education; That the more I sit at home, the more difficult it will be to get a good job; That I value being financially independent; I doubt whether she would understand. I smile at her and leave it at that.
Insensitive people and their totally insensitive comments – that’s how I console myself. Mowgli is small for his age. He is incredibly active, very cheerful, playful, outgoing and totally adorable, but he just does not eat. In a day all his portions together add up to one square meal. I have tried all tricks in the book, but other than making me frustrated to the point of death, nothing works. I have had strangers come up and ask me “Is he normal for his age?”; “Maybe you should see a doctor.” And so on and so forth. The worst one was “Why don’t you put in some more effort and try to feed him some how?” I very nearly choked that person. Day in and day out I am trying hard- my level best- to get him to eat and here I have a total stranger telling me that I need to put in more effort!!!
See, here I am spending all my waking time with my kid and still there are people who criticize me or judge my parenting. I have decided to let them be. Maybe they feel they are being helpful or they want to feel superior that theirs was the best. Whatever. I really don’t give a damn now. I do what works best for me. If Mowgli doesn’t eat his lunch, I do not run to prepare something different for him now. I just let him be knowing that he will feel hungry and will compensate for it in the next meal. I no longer run after him to feed him. These are choices that I have made for the benefit of my sanity and if anybody else begs to differ they can do so. It really does not make a difference. The only person I listen to is Mowgli’s doctor. That’s it. His word is final. The rest I mostly ignore.
All said and done it’s not just mommy bloggers that are being judgmental. There are a whole set of people who judge you by how your kid talks, walks, eats, pees, what not! Your relatives, neighbours, friends, that fat lady in the park, the watchman in your building, X, Y and Z. Having a kid is like having a ‘free-for-all” advice session. And inevitably its always the mother who has to hear all this.
The important thing is to do whatever makes you happy and contented because a happy working mom is much much much better than a grumpy and frustrated 24 hr ‘always available’ mom.
Trust me!