One of my oldest friends has been staying with us for some days, the house feels quite quiet without her around and I’m feeling just a leeeetle lonely. Our friendship goes bak to school days. She is the sort of person who doesn’t call/mail/keep in touch, but whenever we meet we just pick off from wherever we left. Had a lovely time gossiping about old friends, the whole ‘who married whom- who ditched whom” saga, shopping for clothes (Yippppeeeee after a whole year and yes I finally managed to squeeze into a M size J )
On the last day, we were just discussing families, husbands, kids when I remarked that she had changed so much after her marriage. She attributed it to a marital counseling she had attended along with her husband. Since the past few months, I have felt sort of stagnant in my marriage and was thinking that maybe a counselor would help. After hearing what all R said, I totally agree with her that every couple should attend pre marital counseling compulsorily!
Below is what she said verbatim:
Marriage is a God given gift. And the only privilege each partner has in a marriage is to keep on contributing towards the relationship without any expectations. If your spouse reciprocates with any thoughtful action then it should be considered as a BONUS. Say, the wife serves food everyday and one day the husband decides to serve his wife instead. If the wife considers this as a bonus, she will feel very happy and seeing her so happy the husband will also feel happy and resolve to be more thoughtful in the future. Slowly the little things are appreciated and isn’t it said that “in life the little things are more important”. The root cause of all marital discord is EXPECTATION. When you do something for somebody even if you don’t express it explicitly there is always an expectation that the other person will do the same for you or more. Even if just one partner can practice this there would be a marked difference in the relationship. Slowly this will help the other partner also in changing his/her attitude. This requires a huge change in attitude which is possible only by the grace of God.
Coming to God, how many of us pray everyday? All families should spend some time a day in praying together. We do not forget to eat or drink or even to relax, then why so many excuses when it comes to prayer. Just 10 minutes a day maybe before you go to bed or after dinner or whenever the both of you can find some time. It need not be a pooja or a long drawn out ceremony, just a sincere thanks for the day and some moments in solitude. There is an old saying that the family who prays together and eats together stays together.
The third point is communication with a capital C. This is what is most lacking in modern day relationships. Yes, you go out with friends, party together, speak to each other. But how often do you really really communicate? By communicate I mean discuss things that are important to yourself or to your spouse? I do not call “have you paid the electricity bill?” type thoughts as marital communication. Genuine conversation, the kind we can have with friends. How long has it been since you sat down with your spouse and talked. Talked about yourselves, your dreams, life, nonsensical things anything other than the mundane things? It is not too late to start this habit. Who says that fun has to stop once you are a year old in to your marriage?
If a couple can sincerely make an effort to incorporate these three aspects into their relationship, then there is nothing like it. And once a partner has Humility, Understanding and Gentleness then it truly becomes a HUG.
So to all you couples out there, cheers to marriage and lets try to keep the sparks flying!
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