discipline is elusive. day 1

why??

all the books i've read in the last couple of months have been on getting into a routine. having the discipline to follow something for a fixed period of time.. i read, get energised, make plans.. and then NOTHING!!!

hopefully things will change. woke up early, walked for 30 min today. trying to eat healthy... walk regularly.. and hold on to this routine for at least 30 days!!!

the BH has his own schedule starting today. preparation for an important exam, exercise and the usual office work.

Conversations with the kids!

The BH was travelling the whole of last week. It was just the three of us. After the first two days of getting used to a no-BH house, we finally settled into a routine. Its been quite hectic these days with their activities and my work extending into our dinner time. 

So all of us were huddled together in the bed and I thought of telling the kids something nice about themselves.

For Mowgli  - 

You are a good sport.Always ready to help at home, ready to play with anyone and everyone.

You are quite systematic about your studies and homework. Most of the time you get it done yourself without us having to remind you.

You are very loving and we love your surprise hugs and smiles

For Bambi -

You are very brave. Not scared of the dark, of bullies in the park, of sliding down the banister.

You are very hardworking. Forever practising your kathak, rhymes, spellings till you drive us mad! But that makes a huge difference. While you may not always get everything right on the first go, you'll make sure you get it right by the end.

You are always smiling. You are my happy...

Feeling very good with myself, I hugged the kids and vowed to do this again.

And then I heard the bigger kid crying.. " You didn't call me brave!"

And the smaller one started .. " Why am I not a good sport? I also play with everybody"

I tried to reason with them, but to no avail. The wails got louder and louder... the complaints got bigger and bigger.... and that was the end of my promise to myself.

In future, Good night and sweet dreams should suffice!!

Life....

What I realize is somehow I’m drawn to huge open spaces.. greenery… places that hold the promise of a peaceful life.. of time for myself, to be less mechanical and transactional about stuff.

Its what drew me towards zed earth, good earth.. the community.. the fresh air.. being connected to nature...the aspiration of having a  fruitful life, one in which I contribute to society, to my family, to my work and going to bed contented.

Every couple of months, I get into this introspection.. am I doing enough.. should be doing more.. and then somehow hatch up schemes that I think will change our life.. It is this restlessness within me that I don’t understand.. The BH makes fun of me saying that if I just use the time that I spend in thinking and planning maybe things will get done faster. And for all this talk, am yet to stick onto something. A focused 30 min of exercise daily.. some prayer time regularly.. a bedtime ritual.. even something as simple as rubbing cream on my feet every night.  Is it a lack of discipline or motivation?? I don’t know. Sometime it works if i have somebody keeping a tab… after the initial burst and the subsequent lag, I find that if I stick on to something till then the internal motivation kicks in.. its just that the lag period in between is quite strong!

So here I am yet again thinking of how to improve our quality of life.. more music.. less shouting.. more loving and the feeling of being cocooned in that warmth of togetherness… To make our home a haven where we rest in peace and gain energy to face the world!

change

Change is the only constant.. or so I read!


its true.. three years back when both the BH and I moved into new jobs, we thought we were all set. to be there for a long time, to buy that farm, to make our dreams come true. Well, as it turned out, it wasn't the time yet! The BH moved out to start his own venture in about seven months and is sailing the ups and down. I on the other hand am now at a point where I need to decide about moving on or staying. Disillusioned with the company and quite a lot of good people have left which is making me think towards moving out. Stability and other boring words are keeping me here. It has been a constant struggle in my mind.. the old head over heart dialogue. I also remember the last time I gave importance to my head, I made a decision that I regret to this day.. so leaning towards what my heart says and listening to the teeny voice of reason from my head...


anyway, life is to be lived and whether we make this decision or another we will still have to live with it and make the best of it. In that case, why not follow my heart????

words