D Day!

I start work tomorrow.
I am still not clear whether this is the right time to get back to work or not.
After working from home for so long, I dont want to ask others permission for my time.
Mowgli still has not adjusted to the day care.
The BH has never fed Mowgli before. Now he is going to be responsible for Mowgli's dinner everyday.
I need to recollect how I managed office and home.
Cocoa is still not toilet trained.
I am apprehensive about the job, the profile, the place.
I am worried about Mowgli.
I am sad that I will not be there with him for a major part of the day.
Will the day care people look after my baby properly?
I still have a tummy and can't fit into my shirts.
I want to do justice to my job and my family.
I wish that I had got this job later.
Will I ever be ready to leave Mowgli and go to office?
How will we manage when the BH goes on his tours?
I want my husband with me right now. ( he is cavorting in the US right now :-( )

Can somebody give me a magic potion that has oodles of confidence and assurance that my baby will be fine?
Or more importantly assure me that I'll be fine???

Sad!!!!

It finally struck me that this is going to be my last week with my son and the tears started flowing. Sounds pretty melodramatic, but it wasn’t. He is sort of adjusting to the day care. The nonstop crying has stopped, I can leave him there for 2-3 hours and he doesn’t cry. But he is not happy there. The teachers tell me he plays with the toys, allows them to hold him but draws a line at eating and sleeping. As a result after some time he is sleepy as hell and totally refuses to go to sleep and ends up being cranky. I am relieved that he is not crying- it was sheer torture to stand outside the day care and hear him bawl. Even if he doesn’t eat or sleep there its okay. But I want him to enjoy the experience- of playing with other kids, singing songs and all that. I don’t want him to lose his mischieviousness or his cute smile. They tell me he is just one of those kids who take a longer time to adjust. Only time will tell.
Last night I was hugging him and singing him to sleep in my off key voice. He was drifting off to sleep and sleepily a small voice said ‘mama’ and a small hand pulled my neck and planted two kissies on my cheek. I could not stop crying. The little brat just went off to sleep with his hand firmly tucked around my neck. I hugged him close in the darkness and wondered again for the umpteenth time whether am I doing the right thing? Years later when Mowgli grows up will this become an issue with him? Its all so confusing. Each step that you take there are so many factors involved. I have never thought so much about my life. Decisions are made in a jiffy and there are no regrets. But when it comes to Mowgli, there are so many pros and cons and ifs and buts. Should I give him cerelac or home made porridges? Breast milk or bottle? Curd or dal? Cold ka medicine or good old steam inhalation? The list just goes on and on. I am happy with most of the choices I have made for him including working part time and spending 18 months with him. I have been the first person to see his first smile, his first tooth, his first steps his first words everything. Now most of this will be second hand information and there’s no fun in that L
This is turning out to be a far more traumatic experience for me rather than Mowgli!!!!

Leaving pains

Its been a week at the day care. And I’m exhausted, frustrated, near tears. The first day went off well with Mowgli eating well, playing with the kids and enjoying himself there. Of course I’m also there in the vicinity. By the second day he seemed to realize that evil mama had other plans- plans that did not involve him. Now how is that possible and how can he allow it!!! Thus started the screaming. If any of the helpers come within a 50 m radius he starts SCREAMING. It’s like a non stop siren and ends in huge tears rolling down his cheeks. The moment I take him he is all smiles and the drama is over. I am at my wits end! I am sure he likes the place, because he likes playing with other children and likes seeing a lot of people around him. But this is as if he has decided beforehand come what may ‘I am not going to co-operate’. And now its not just the daycare- if we go to any gathering he needs me with him. He has turned quite clingy in this past one week and that is a huge change from the extrovert he was. The teachers and the lady running it assure me that this is normal and he will adjust. I don’t know whether I am doing the right thing. What do they mean by “adjust”? will he have any emotional problems because of this. I know I am acting paranoid and hyper, but what the heck! He is mine and I am responsible for him. For whatever he grows up into.
Till last week I am the one who has been with him 24 hrs a day and to relinquish this role to somebody else is not easy. I keep reminding the day care people,’he likes animal pictures. If he is too cranky he will settle down if you play music. He loves balls’. They nod their heads and smile telling me to relax. This week is going to be more difficult because they have asked me to leave after dropping him off. He is going to cry and cry and cry and they will have to manage him. I have been having doubts on whether I should take up this job now or prolong it for one more year. If mowgli continues to cry at the day care then I don’t think it will work. I will not be happy at office and will be worried full time thinking about my baby. I just want him to have a good time there, play with the kids and enjoy himself, not cry and be miserable and keep on looking at the door waiting for mama/dada.
Praying hard that he finds the place fun this week. Please keep your fingers crossed!

Back to business!!!

So much has been happening in the past few weeks that I don't know where to start. The beginning would be the ideal place, you say!
Okay, so here goes. We came back from Kerala after our 12 day long vacation totally refreshed and with a wider tummy! Since Mowgli is bigger now and stays alone with his grand parents for longer times, we had quite a lot of fun., Roamed about, saw movies, shopped, and as usual ate and drank till we were ready to burst! Celebrated Easter and Vishu in style. Mowgli got lots of presents mostly cash which his greedy parents spent. Cocoa was also good, she was quiet through out the car journey and was well behaved most of the time. We returned last week with a car full of goodies ( I call them goodies, The BH calls them trash. Since this is my blog I have the last word here!)
The BH's quarter ending tension is finally and he has done pretty well last year. So his company is rewarding him with a trip to Canada. Yipppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I am pretty excited, we all are. I want to touch a polar bear..hmmmm not a bear, the cub would do fine :-) It is a skiing lodge,so plenty of activities. Should be fun. It'll be sometime in August. I have to fit into a 30" jeans by then. The coming months will see a very determined me steadfastly refusing sweets, having salads for dinner and hopefully reducing 5 kgs.
And now we come to the bumper news of the week. I HAVE GOT A JOB!!!!! Finally!
I was almost beginning to doubt my capabilities. It was really frustrating attending interview after interview answering their silly questions. One place the guy taking my interview wanted to know how I would manage a team with a one year old kid!Did they think I was planning to bring my kid to work? Or was he just plain dumb?He went on and on about how he would not have allowed his wife to work when their children were so small and blah blah. It tool all of my control to actually sit there and listen to such a senior person speak such crap and being so unprofessional. Anyways all that is the past now. This place seems fun. I had a four hour interview with them and it was totally different from all the interviews I've had in my life. In a way I'm excited to get back to work and at other times I'm sad that I wont be able to spend my every waking moment with Mowgli. The timings are okay. I work from 1 in the afternoon to about 9/10 pm. Its fine with me coz i get to spend the whole morning with Mowgli, drop him off to day care around 12.30 pm. He has his lunch there, plays a while and by the time he wakes up from his nap around 4.30 the BH will be there to bring him back. So, its just a matter of 4 hrs in the daycare and that is okay with me. I did not want him to spend the entire day with somebody else other then us. He should be with either one of us , I feel that nobody else can look after a child the way his parents do however dedicated you are or how much more you love the child. And I think I can leave early/work from home on days when the BH is travelling. It is not the best I had hoped for, but considering the situation, it is fairly decent. I start in two weeks :-)
So many things are falling in place now. There is a lot of confusion in my mind, guilt about leaving Mowgli with somebody else, elation that the BH will now realize how hard it is to manage a hyper Mowgli and an equally hyper Cocoa all alone ( he will have to feed mowgli his dinner, bathe him and put him to sleep everyday as it will be late by the time I reach), excitement at the thought of getting a salary again and a motivation to actually shed the kilos and get back to how I was.
And more than all these, now there is this urge to bring time to a standstill, to enjoy these carefree days with my baby to the fullest, to wish that the minutes would tick by slowly and to treasure all moments and keep them safe in my heart.

Yeh kitne ka hai didi?

My maid asks me pointing at the onions? Ek kilo ka kitna hai? I look at her blankly. I have no clue how much one kilo onions cost! I go to the sabzi wala point out the veggies I need and the quantities. Sometimes I ask him the price but its more of a “ I know the prices elsewhere so don’t try to cheat me” strategy. I mumble something at her, reel off a totally arbit number. 18/-. She looks at me sometimes in surprise (if the price is too high) sometimes in grudging admiration (if the price I have quoted is too low.) or mostly with a sagely look. “Sab kuch itna mehenga hua hai abhi. “
I heave a small sigh of relief and relax with my coffee. Yeh ek kilo ka kitna kai? She points at the bru packet. I again stare at her blankly and mentally grind my teeth. Won’t she ever give up? I mumble 100/- sure that is way too high. Once she is off I surreptiously pick up the empty packet and check the price. My eyes pop out! 180/- for 200 gms!!!! And here I am coolly telling her 100/- for one kilo! Is BRU so expensive? I though Nescafe was expensive. Isn’t that why I was drinking bru? My confused mind rambles on.
It is with a small jolt that I realize its been quite a long time since I looked at the price tags. I remember religiously doing so when I was in MBA. When I had to survive on my meager pocket money and manage the long phone calls (at that time mobiles were horribly expensive. Even incoming calls were charged. Yes there was a time like that long long ago.) Then I used to check the price of everything, buy the cheaper one, even if its cheaper by just one rupee. After landing a job and coming to Bangalore, I don’t remember checking prices. How many of us really check the prices now? I look at people in the supermarket. They are all like me. Just take a packet, look at the label and dump it in the cart and move on. There is no shock or outrage at the prices. We keep reading about inflation and how the cost of living has gone up, but its only now I realize the truth. I now look at the prices and try to memorize them so that I don’t fail the next question by her :-)
Or else an even better way is to hide the entire shopping bags before she comes!!!!!!

Off to sunny shores

We are off to Kerala for a loooooooooooong vacation. A best friend's wedding. Another friend's son is celebrating his first birthday. Easter. Vishu. The works.
So I am all geared up, done my shopping managed to beautify myself to the best of my capabilities ;-) sifted through my saris moaned at the blouses that no longer fit. The usual. I keep on thinking that as the years go by I will be less impulsive and show more maturity, hah!!!
I cant imagine that P is getting married. It is very different when a girl friend decides to tie the knot. You are almost sure that nothing will change. But when it comes to a guy friend there are a lot of questions. Will his wife be cool with me? Will he be the same after marriage? Don't know why these questions arise, maybe from experience. Have seen guys act funny after they get committed and have seen guys who still remain the same. P thankfully till now has always been in the latter category, but there is still a small pin prick that makes me cross my fingers and pray that he will never change. All said and done, I am really really looking forward to his wedding.
Mowgli will as usual be pampered, spoilt, every whim catered to and will be the star of the show. it will be a welcome change for him away from his two cranky parents who keep on saying "NO" to his loving grand parents who say "YES.. YES..YES". Their grandson can throw the crystal on the floor and all they'll say is "Children should be naughty". Funny that the BH and I never remember them telling us this line when we broke anything!!!
It will be Cocoa's first long journey and I hope she behaves. In fact I hope everybody behaves J
Okie then folks. Enjoy the long weekends and have fun.We’ll be back in two weeks.
And I leave you with this. The brat on his throne!!!Ciao!

Another forward- something that still moves me each time I read it

This is really a beautiful story. I wish that people in the whole world were like that. Peace, love and kindness would rule forever. At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?" The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked,"Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning." Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily hrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay" Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world. Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!