Love

the heady rush of the anticipation of seeing that someone
walking down corridors eagerly hoping to get a glimpse
spending time saying nothing , content with the proximity

to
crossing the road hand in hand
a lazy leg thrown over a sleeping form
warm feet to snuggle into

to
bike rides without the kids
learning new things
long trips with the kids

to
hospital visits together
illness and hangovers
obesity and medicine strips

for better, for worse
for richer, for poorer
in sickness and in health
to love and to cherish
till death do us part....

Unspoken words...

"Why mama, you are not happy?"
"is it of me?"

asks Bambi very innocently. What do I tell her? Its not her or Mowgli.. Its just me and the BH. The fights that go unspoken build up and this is how I take it out. Shouting at the kids for a messy room, for homework not done, for noise, for what not!

I've had a long week at work..flew back in to my city expecting a royal welcome. The kids are all over me.. The BH is happy and then gets back into his pensive mode.. I try to talk, but its difficult.. this one-way traffic. Its been going on for quite some time. Mood swings at the click of a button, irritation, frustration. I try hard to understand.. give him the leeway of the pressure he is in.. but at one point of time, I snap! there is just so much that one can take. Now that the tides have changed- the orders have started, work is picking up, its unfair to attribute this sullenness to the pressure. Sometimes, i feel its a very convenient way to shift blame to the other party, so that you continue as the injured party nursing whatever grievances. The kids sense it, they cant see it for even we do not fully understand why we are behaving the way we are. But its there, like a fine mist.. clouding everything.. for every word that I speak, the next thought in my mind is "will this make him close up?" I sift through my thoughts, my words stepping carefully until everything becomes mechanical and not me! I wish this would change.. Do not want us to be so negative when there is really nothing to be negative about...

More than anything else, I miss the BH. The one I knew.. loved.. married...

Super Woman!

i miss you so much when you are not here. Maybe if you were here, i might have snapped at you, shouted at you, cribbed about the work. but i miss you. i really do. even if its the snapping part :-)
On another note, I passed the test of "being a good Indian daughter-in-law" . Last night around 9pm I get a call from my sister in law that her parents aka my in-laws are landing here today and not day after tomorrow as we had thought before. The moment she hangs up, I rush to the fridge. Empty shelves look back at me . The vegetable tray has a lone shrivelled tomato glaring at me. I was planning to do the shopping today evening! I make plans to make a quick moru curry and some channa for their lunch and peacefully go to bed. Around midnight I wake up with a start. Its Vishu (Mallu New Year) today and it calls for a sadya!!!! Try as I might I cannot go back to sleep. Plan A, plan B, C all roll about. I will have to buy vegetables, make everything and clean the house by 9 am! The task called for superhuman strengths.
Started off at 5 am. Multi tasking in the kitchen, juggling Mowgli, making numerous trips up and down 4 floors ( Bloody lift not working again!!!), bought vegetables , cooked and cleaned the kitchen, changed the sheets, cleaned up the house all in record time. Called my mom at 5.30 am to ask for a recipe and scared her out of her wits. She thought we had again been robbed :-)Mowgli for once was really understanding. He played quietly with his toys opening his mouth occasionally for me to push something in amidst the mad rush. And did I tell you that Mowgli has diarrhoea. So we did go to the bathroom around 5 times and then his medicines were over, so again go down 4 floors, buy medicines and climb up again!
And then I looked at the table. There was sambhar, cabbage thoran, koorkha olathiyathu, pineapple pachidi, pappadam and semiya paayasam. Not bad, I pat myself :-)
Rushed to office after dropping them off at home, so no clue as to whether they enjoyed it or not.
My knees are creaking and my back is aching. But its a good feeling nevertheless to know that I can do this if I need to. Do all this alone along with looking after a kid :-) Ego boost!!!
By the way, Happy Vishu. Njoi!!!!

"Every marriage has its own balance"

said a colleague today. It struck me that amidst all the yin and yang and contradictions that drive and hold a marriage there is an internal rhythm. Something that keeps them together. This is maybe our balance:
I like the music to be LOUD, reverberating off the windows… You like it soft and soothing to the ear!
I like to curl up with a book. You like to cuddle up to the remote!
I like quiet evenings at home. You need at least three people around you.
You like outdoor games. I am content with Scrabble.
You have perfected the art of smiling at your foes. I am yet to stop myself from scowling at my enemies!
I love cats and dogs and squirrels and all animals. You draw the line at dogs and horses.
You are my backbone. I’m your conscience.

staying together day after day...

One of my oldest friends has been staying with us for some days, the house feels quite quiet without her around and I’m feeling just a leeeetle lonely. Our friendship goes bak to school days. She is the sort of person who doesn’t call/mail/keep in touch, but whenever we meet we just pick off from wherever we left. Had a lovely time gossiping about old friends, the whole ‘who married whom- who ditched whom” saga, shopping for clothes (Yippppeeeee after a whole year and yes I finally managed to squeeze into a M size J )
On the last day, we were just discussing families, husbands, kids when I remarked that she had changed so much after her marriage. She attributed it to a marital counseling she had attended along with her husband. Since the past few months, I have felt sort of stagnant in my marriage and was thinking that maybe a counselor would help. After hearing what all R said, I totally agree with her that every couple should attend pre marital counseling compulsorily!
Below is what she said verbatim:
Marriage is a God given gift. And the only privilege each partner has in a marriage is to keep on contributing towards the relationship without any expectations. If your spouse reciprocates with any thoughtful action then it should be considered as a BONUS. Say, the wife serves food everyday and one day the husband decides to serve his wife instead. If the wife considers this as a bonus, she will feel very happy and seeing her so happy the husband will also feel happy and resolve to be more thoughtful in the future. Slowly the little things are appreciated and isn’t it said that “in life the little things are more important”. The root cause of all marital discord is EXPECTATION. When you do something for somebody even if you don’t express it explicitly there is always an expectation that the other person will do the same for you or more. Even if just one partner can practice this there would be a marked difference in the relationship. Slowly this will help the other partner also in changing his/her attitude. This requires a huge change in attitude which is possible only by the grace of God.
Coming to God, how many of us pray everyday? All families should spend some time a day in praying together. We do not forget to eat or drink or even to relax, then why so many excuses when it comes to prayer. Just 10 minutes a day maybe before you go to bed or after dinner or whenever the both of you can find some time. It need not be a pooja or a long drawn out ceremony, just a sincere thanks for the day and some moments in solitude. There is an old saying that the family who prays together and eats together stays together.
The third point is communication with a capital C. This is what is most lacking in modern day relationships. Yes, you go out with friends, party together, speak to each other. But how often do you really really communicate? By communicate I mean discuss things that are important to yourself or to your spouse? I do not call “have you paid the electricity bill?” type thoughts as marital communication. Genuine conversation, the kind we can have with friends. How long has it been since you sat down with your spouse and talked. Talked about yourselves, your dreams, life, nonsensical things anything other than the mundane things? It is not too late to start this habit. Who says that fun has to stop once you are a year old in to your marriage?
If a couple can sincerely make an effort to incorporate these three aspects into their relationship, then there is nothing like it. And once a partner has Humility, Understanding and Gentleness then it truly becomes a HUG.
So to all you couples out there, cheers to marriage and lets try to keep the sparks flying!