School

Thoughts in a jumble for some days now... again getting to that space where its difficult to breathe and I have to keep reminding myself to breathe consciously.. slow and deep.. keep telling myself that everything is going to be fine...

Mowgli is growing up and that brings with it a completely new set of challenges. We stopped all his sports activities for a month because he was having trouble managing everything. Tantrums, couldn't sleep at night, falling behind on all his subjects, not wanting to go to school. It took us about two months to slowly get back to speed. We had to sit with him daily to make sure that he was studying everyday. Stopped all the sports. Started a 15 min walk after dinner to settle down. Its helping, he is regular with his studies, at least the new portions. Issues with food and sleep are coming down. We re-introduced football last week, limited it to twice a week and planning to start the badminton classes from this week. We have told him to prioritize one of the sports, but as of now he is insisting on both.

But there is still an unease, there are some days when the old "I don't want to go to school" comes up again. Talks of children bullying him and other stories. I sometimes wonder how we went to school. All these were there even then. Name calling, people bullying.. but was there ever an option to not go to school? Not sure whether we are being over protective or our kids becoming less and less resilient.

Mowgli!

Just as he is entering school, he turns back and says "Mama, dont worry... I dont have exams today!"

As if I am the one who needs to worry about him having exams!!!

Day 4 : Conversations with Mowgli

'When I'm 32 years old, will you buy a bike for me?'

'Hmmmm.. okay. We'll see when you are 32 years old.'

'I want a duke.. orange bike.. like Momo's'

'Hmmmm.. okay'

After some time of thinking..

'Dada, then can I drive your Bullet to college? So that I'll learn to drive and be very thorough by the time you buy the Duke for me'

The BH gives him a priceless look and says.. 'Maybe you can take the bus to college and buy the Duke yourself when you get a job!!'

Calvin & Hobbes.. the love that passes on

and sometimes early mornings are the best time to read!!!

dose of sarcasm for the day done 😵

Independence in small measures

Yesterday, Mowgli insisted on cycling to his badminton class. Its about 1 km from our home. Bambi also tagged along. Both of us walked while he cycled. While returning, Bambi was cranky. So I got the car and his helmet. Told him to cycle in front while we drove behind. 

Bambi got hyper at this. "we cant do this mama. Somebody will kidnap chacha." Mowgli, as expected, was thrilled at this sudden independence. He has been wanting to do it for quite some time. Yesterday being a holiday, traffic was very light. Easier to allow this. 

He was quite careful, riding slowly, sticking to the left of the road, stopping at an intersection and crossing it only when safe. Bambi rolled down the windows and steadily issued a set of instructions. "Chacha.. drive faster.. driver slower.. stop, car is coming."  It was quite a sight. Small boy riding carefully with a bolero following behind at 10 kmph!

He struggled a little on the driveway down the basement as that was the first time he had ever cycled down a steep slope. Got home all happy and thrilled. He didn't say much, but was super happy! And I think he also realised that it was not an easy task to cycle on the road and that's why we don't allow him to go alone.

The icing on the cake- Bambi's comments. " Mama, chacha is very happy. I'm also very happy because you allowed him to do this... and made him happy!" Rests back with a smug look on her face!

This girl!, I tell you.. sometimes I feel she is my mother instead of the other way around!!!

Scolding!

Morning rush time again.. Mowgli and I were hurrying down the lift- it was not really late, but close. Mowgli was whining that he wanted to be dropped by car and I was grumbling that its just a 2 min walk and we are not that late. In the rush, he accidentally pressed the wrong button. I started shouting at him and the lift door opened at the same time. At the wrong floor. Where our neighbour was standing. He looked at both of us, awkwardly smiling at him, smiled at us and looked at me "Dont scold him, its alright". The lift doors closed at the right time just so he didn't see my eyes tear up.

I dropped Mowgli (no, he wasn't late! there was plenty of time!) and all the way back I kept thinking about what my neighbour said. Did he mean the shouting in the lift or was he talking about something else? Could they hear me shouting at the kids almost all the time these days? I wonder what they think about us? And the biggest one - AM I a bad mother?

I realise that I take out most of my frustration on the kids and the dogs. Mowgli in particular because he is the messy one, louder one and the elder one. I keep forgetting that they are only nine and five years.. Not old enough to behave like adults.... But they are the most convenient outlets and that makes me feeling worse. How bad can I get to take out my anger on two small kids???

My frustration at not being to understand why the BH retreats into a  shell most of these days... as far as I know there is nothing wrong and it just seems like a i-dont-care-whats-with-my family thought that drives the BH to his shell. Where he will sit for days, answering in monosyllables, sitting quiet throughout the day. I don't know what triggers this and its driving me crazy. Is it me? Is it something I said? Is it something I did? And then I keep thinking why should it always be about me? I'm sick and tired of accepting the blame for everything that goes wrong around here. In spite of all that I do, there always seems to be a huge gap.

God bless all of us. What else to do?

Miracle Mornings

I read the book Miracle Morning and it resonated deeply. the very act of disciplining yourself to wake up at a specific time, starting your day in a peaceful manner, positive affirmations throughout. Most of it made sense and it felt like training your mind to achieve the smaller things so that one day the larger goals also seem attainable.

The BH and I used to be early birds, waking up early to catch up on work, exercise and starting our day more productively. In the last one year, we've slipped behind big time. Changes in work, general disillusionment with work, life and a feeling of nothing being in control meant that we were mostly in a reactive mode. And that has affected quite a lot of things. Health, motivation levels, everything being done half heartedly and half finished.

Anyway, fresh with resolutions and intent we started yesterday with putting together a schedule for Mowgli. He was quite excited about it. Factored in time for his mridangam practice, play time, reading time, study time etc. Printed it out and pinned it to their cupboard door. And yeah, it works! Mowgli somehow likes the notion of everything being measured- so a study time of 45 min seems doable to him than if we were to ask him to study till he finishes a subject. Though he would still take the same time, he likes that the timetable has an end time and that is helping him focus better. Bambi is also copying him (as always!!) , so we've told her that we'll make another one for her.

Woke up as planned today. Did not follow the routine as per the book, but got a lot of pending things done and out of the way.

its worth it mama!

Mowgli and the BH went for their first haircut in a posh saloon. The normal is at the local barber where he knows just two styles- mushroom and a close crop! 

It was heaven for Mowgli!. right from showing the picture of Ronaldo to getting it cut and styled, he was in seventh heaven. Its damn cute to see him adjusting his hair now and then and peeking glances at the mirror. Two of our neighbours noticed and complimented on his hairstyle making him oh-so-thrilled!!! The small pleasures of life!

So I asked him, "why dont we go show this to our barber and tell him how we want it like this the next time?". The reply was immediate "No, mama. We have to go to the new place. Only that uncle knows everything."

" But, Mowgli Isn't it expensive?"

"Thats okay mama. Its worth it!!!"

UKG over

It feels so funny to see your kids doing the same things that you did in school..
Today is the last day of school and Mowgli suddenly got a brainwave to make a card for his teacher. After some five minutes of 'what to draw' he sat to it. Drew a lamp and an icecream which was bigger than the lamp.
The BH looked on with an expression that said "he is just maskaofying the teacher"

Card done. all dressed.. jeans t shirt button shirt socks watch.. in his words "style man"

Just like that primary school done! Growing kids :-(

conversations

BH to me "oh.. You coloured your hair by yourself."
"Yup. How did you know?"
"Your ears are black!!!"
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"Mama, Mowgliku no frens in daycare. ellarum go home."
"So what. You go make new friends. When mama joined college, I had no friends at all. Then I went and made friends with different people. see, dada was my friend in college."
Mowgli takes some time to digest this nugget of wisdom. He looks at the BH with a confused look and then back at me "dada was your fren in college?"
"Ya"
"then why is he here now also?????" (Friends are supposed to go home, why is the dada still with us?)
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"Mamade chweetie baby aara?"
"Bambi" she gurgles
"Mamade cutie pie aara?"
"Bambi" a chubby dimpled cheek smiles
"Mamade naughty baby aara?"
"MOWGLI!" she laughs out!
This girl!!!
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You know when the girl is spending too much time with her brothers when she insists on standing and peeing! Just like the boys!

All prepared!

I am going down to play shuttle

Okay.. but why are you taking so many things?

With an exasperated look at me!

Mama. See. Shuttle to play.

When I am hungry ,I want to eat chips

When I am thirsty, I want to drink juice

When I win, I want to write it down!!!!

p.s. the hairband is because mowgli and his dada have decided to grow their hair long.

God still continues to be an interesting topic around here!

Mama, tell me one your prayer.
Why?
Mowglinu padikana.. mamade prayersum padikande?
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from daycare..
Erik paranju, nammal God mala or God pottu or God bangle ittal maathrame God nammade bonesill ollunu...
pashe.. Mowgli paranju.."God is in everybody's bones. God mala onnum vendanu" and leaves the room with a smirk directed at the poor Erik :-)

P.S. Dont ask me why God resides in the bones and not in the heart!!!
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5 years

5 years!

Somehow it feels like a milestone. Feels BIG! As  if the babyness is now truly gone forever. You go to school happily now, do your homework as soon as you come back,play big boy games, don’t always want me near you. I feel that our relationship is changing as it should no doubt. Knowing and doing are two sides to the coin. bitter sweet… that’s how my mind feels.

That’s enough about me. Lets talk about you instead.

You, you have become a non stop chatter box. Chitter patter all day long. From the time you wake up till when you sleep, non stop. You sit in  the loo and talk/shout at me and expect me to respond from the kitchen. Most of the time we are telling you “Mowgli please keep quiet for one minute!” and you reply “okay.. pashe Mowglinu one last thing parayatte…” and it goes on and on and on. What is there to talk about so much? I wonder.

 

Food and you still are not on good terms with each other. When everybody else Oohs and Aahs over my cakes and cookies, you refuse to even nibble at it. You give me orders to bake a chocolate cake, train cake for your birthday, but you never even ate a piece … Well… I suppose its just a matter of time. The genes will do their work!

You are still so innocent. Look at me amazed at how I know all the naughty things that you do in the school bus. ( its very easy, I’ve told him that I’ve installed a secret camera in  the bus. So these days I just ask him “Why did you do that?”. a sheepfaced look and out comes the list.) Santa Claus, Fairies and Magic. You believe in all that and I’m loving it. Just waiting for you to start reading on your own and then we can go crazy officially!

You are one Style diva. In your words, Button shirt and jeans and cooling glass.. “appalanu style aavane”. The other day we went out with you dressed in a Yellow shirt with Orange pants and a maroon tie. You were so confident in what you believed were the perfect clothes, we had no choice but to quietly tag along. You’ve also started to mirror what your dada does.if dada is in shorts, then you will also wear shorts. If he is in jeans, then it is jeans for you. If he wears a helmet, then you also want one. From being mama’s boy, you are slowly morphing into  idolizing your dada for everything.

 
What I feel is that in this year, there were times when you were clearly frustrated with us. By our unwillingness to buy everything you want, by our insistence that things need to be done THAT way in THIS house. You are at that stage when you are questioning authority and trying to find your identity in the process. There are times we understand and behave accordingly. But you also need to understand that 10pm after a really really hectic day is SO not the right time to get assertive!

Sometimes its pretty hilarious as we both look at each other with similar mulish expressions… The identical stubborn cleft on the chin , the perfect ‘look’ willing the other to blink first! 

Oh, I almost forgot the tears! Tears at the drop of a hat. For anything and everything. Praying that its just a phase and you will soon snap out of it. Till then its downright irritating and has us grinding our teeth most of the time!

 How would you adjust with Bambi? That was something we were very worried about. Now after 18 months, I can safely say you are fine! Right from waking up the other as soon as one gets up, to dragging her along for all your harebrained schemes, to fighting with each other every other minute! You both rock!!! 

As Vianne Rocher says in Chocolat, life with you is

“Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart.

Bitter. Sweet. Alive.”

God Bless! 

Luurv!

"Mama.. i love you lots. But i knows you dont love me" . Why this statement? coz I told him only 3 stories at night!!!

The BH had  a speech to prepare and he kept on rehearsing it with Mowgli. After a couple of rehearsals, Mowgli told him firmly, "dada.. mathi. mowgliyku ee story mathiyayi. ini dada mouth vachu vere nice story paranja mathi."


Forever fighting with each other... Thats what Mowgli and Bambi do all day long. She has become very free with her hands and slaps him at will. Whereas he on the other hand is more patient with her. He comes crying to us , we scold her, she immediately starts with her crocodile tears, he shouts at us for making her cry and then hugs her and carries her away! Hello!!! Why did we scold her in the first place!!!



The drama that goes on in this house these days!!! I tell you!!!

Bringing up the kids!

The most important update.. Bambi started daycare(a couple of hours a day) this month. The same place that Mowgli went. Totally different experience. The first day, she readily went with one of the ladies there, inspected everything , gave everyone her “you are extremely blessed to have me smile at you” smile. I went out for a  walk, came back in half an hour and she was happily playing. The next day, same story. I was out for more than an hour. She had had her snack and was playing. The third day they told me to come only after lunch. The fourth day was the same. So was the fifth. The change being that the moment Mowgli puts on his schoolbag, Bambi will also run and get her bag ( Mowgli’s old one.. yes, she might suffer some trauma at all the hand-me-downs that she has) and stand at the door. The BH and I remember Mowgli’s tears and tantrums and shake our heads in disbelief. It’s the same question that comes back. HOW IN HELL CAN TWO CHILDREN FROM THE SAME GENE POOL BE SO DIFFERENT!!!! Now we see tantrums of a different nature. She puts on her ‘Be’ (bag) and ‘jhoo’ (shoe) the moment she wakes up and is ready to go. And tantrums galore coz her evil parents don’t allow her to trot off to daycare at 7 am!!!

Onam was eventful with an entire battalion from the BH's side coming to spend a week with us. After the initial panic and grumblings and mumblings the Virgo in me rose to the situation, put everything down in excel and managed happily :-) Seems like I'm getting obsessed with lists and excel. The kids had lots of fun, so did we. Though I'm sure I heard a collective sigh of relief from the neighbours when everybody went.

What have the kids been upto? A lot.. Bambi managed to scald her feet with boiling chai a day before my in laws were to come. Got all the sympathy and proved herself to be a tough cookie. The blister took almost a month to heal. Apart from the initial tears, she was least bothered with it. It looked so painful, but she just ignored the wound and went around climbing everywhere and picking at the scabs. The scar is still there. The BH plans to milk it for all its worth on how  a careless mama poured hot tea over her. Cocoa has morphed into a totally 'Love starved'  woman understanding now that along with the kids she too has to fight for our attention. Its not uncommon to see her gently pushing Mowgli or Bambi and trying to get on our laps instead.

Bambi is growing up to be the bully of the playground picking fights with every one. She even keeps track of who behaves badly to Mowgli and goes on to administer justice which usually means walking up to kids double her size and either shouting gibberish at them or one tight slap! She follows Mowgli around wherever he goes, playing with his cars when he is not there, snatching his cars and running away( more like wobbling away) as fast as she can. Independent as can be. Everything has to be done by herself.

At times its really funny to see them both playing. Mowgli would be earnestly playing with his cars or animals whereas Bambi is more interested in disrupting or creating confusion in whatever Mowgli does.

And I vigorously nod my head at Bill Cosby when he said “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” Absolutely!

Mowglisms

'Dada, Mowgli superman aano?'
Puzzled dada."athentha Mowgli?'
'Athile.. Nandita paranjello Mowgli Superman aanennu. Appam Mowgli Superman aanu'.
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'Mama, Bambi touched my pramates'
'What?'
'Yes. She touched.'
'What????'
'My pramates.' pointing to his bum.
Oh. Privates!!! ( after the good touch bad touch talks, i hear this all the time)
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'Mama, Mowglinu standardizer venam'
That was sanitizer!
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'Mama, you want to buy for me C.H.I.J.K'
'What is that?'
'Mango bar'
!!!!
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Sternly to us:
'Mama, you want to share your compooter with me.'
'Dada, you want to share your phone with Mowgli. '
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Mr.Mowgli unlimited

After opening the gate for my father in law umpteen times ‘Uma, nammukoru sekoority ne veykaam. Gate open cheyan’

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To my mother in law who is trying hard to finish her cooking before the little imp gets up. “Uma.. ella doosam ivide idli aano? Nammal different different things eat cheyanam. Ennale big and strong aavu”. Flabbergasted MIL makes different things only to have all of them rejected!

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When my aunt offered him a piece of cake, he declined it saying” ithoke junk food alle. Nammal rice chapathi polathe healthy foods kazhikanam.” And then goes on to have two slices of cheese loaded sinfully junk pizza!

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Rejects the custard made by my mother saying he is not hungry. Later on he takes a small spoon to taste and then finishes off two bowls in no time. When asked why he said he didnt like custard, his explanation was " athile.. Mowgli vicharichu mammammade custard mamante custard pole taste alla. athu konda" His mamamma growls at him " I only taught your mama to make custard! "
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The car stereo is not working and we are singing (screaming!) 'DK Bose' and 'Rock On' and 'Sadda Haq'. I tell him 'Lets sing a soft song now'. Ókay Mama'and the he starts to whisper 'sadda haq aithe rak'!

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Unable to lift Bambi, he looks at her tummy and says " mama.. she has become one big fat pussy cat ! ini doodhu onnum kodukanda"
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And the sweetest. "Mowgli oru secrud parayatte". He then pulls you towards him and plants one big kiss on your cheek.

On vacation for the first time

The first two weeks in May had Mowgli and Cocoa in Kerala. The original plan was two weeks at both sides, but as always we propose and Mowgli disposes. Tears, tantrums etc etc cut short the trip to one week at both his grandparent’s. Though he did settle down after a week, we missed him a lot and brought him back.

How was it? Q.U.I.E.T.

The BH was on tour for a whole week. Maid was absconding. It was just me and Bambi. After Bambi, I’d really forgotten how it is to just have one child. Half the work, less running around, less shouting. And SO easy!!! Normally it’s a mad rush of activities with everything overlapping and chaos, but with just her it was as if I had all the time in the world (I know it was not like this with just Mowgli! It was chaos. Maybe this is the learning and calm from having two babies!)

Bambi enjoyed this break the most. She has always tagged along behind Mowgli, going wherever he wants to go, doing whatever he wants to do. The bane of every second born. For her having us entirely to herself was a big deal. She loved it. It was as if she came into her own suddenly! Sole focus of our attention, being made a fuss of, taken wherever she pointed to, her wish was our command. She had a gala time playing with all of her chachan’s cars and toys though that did wear off after some days. Then she started missing him looking for him throughout the house  calling out ‘Atho, Atho’. 

Cant really understand how we can have two kids that are so different. Mowgli is the tender hearted one, quick to cry, quick to make up, lavish with his kisses and hugs, scared of the unknown( it could be the dark, experiences that he has not had before) while Bambi is the stubborn one, does not waste her time crying but instead figures out how to get what she wants ,extremely stingy with showing affection and not scared of anything. I have stopped comparing milestones coz they are so different. Mowgli would love to sit with me while I read to him whereas she wants to tear the book apart. In a couple of years I’m sure that she will be the one looking after him in spite of being the younger one.

Funny how things turn out. When Mowgli was small, around Bambi’s age, every time the BH used to go on a  tour he would wake up crying in the middle of the night. I would walk him through the entire house and finally he would go back to sleep around 5/6 am. Bambi never had this problem and it used to hurt her father that she was not missing him. But the two weeks that Mowgli was not here, she woke up every single night crying! And it was the same pattern.. walk in the bedroom.. walk in the drawing room… swing for some time… walk walk walk and  finally around 5 am she would drink milk and go off to sleep leaving me hopelessly tired and cursing the BH and Mowgli and the Universe.

And when Mowgli came back, I thought that he would be all over me. But no sir, he first ran to Bambi hugged her, pulled her, kissed her and general goofiness and then remembered to kiss me!

It was such a blessing having a clean house for those two weeks.There was just one small basket of Bambi’s toys that were taken out every day and put back every evening. I don’t know who makes the mess- is it Cocoa or Mowgli. It was so soothing to the eyes to see the living room cushions in their proper places, rugs straight and all dusted and nice. There is something about a clean room and fresh plants that make me happy.  As I write this, the cushions are scattered all over the room with not even one on the diwans where they should be, the swing is full of cars and there are books and random stuff everywhere. Mowgli is squeezing Bambi and she is retaliating by running off with his precious cars when he is not looking. Decibel levels are really high with mine topping the charts. An outsider if he comes in right now might just run away fearing for his life. Aah well, it’s a nice kind of mess though…

An old draft

"Mama, baa terrace povaam . "( elts go to the terrace).

"Not now. Only after cocoa finishes her food".

A few minutes later I see Mowgli dragging Cocoa's bowl to where she is lying down and feeding her pedigree bit by bit. The shameless dog is lapping up all the attention and is gobbling it up. " Cocoa, vegam tinnu. ennale Beeg and strong aavum". ( Eat fast so that you'll become big and strong!) What I tell him when he doesnt drink his milk!

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I'm changing my clothes to go to office. Mowgli is also ready and has been given instructions to put back his toys. He goes and hugs Cocoa, sits with her and pulls her ear towards him and then says " Cocoa sad aavanda. Mowgli daycare poyittu evning varaam. Okay? You be goood boy. Okay? sad aavanda. Okay?" Cocoa in the meanwhile is looking anything but sad gleefully waiting for Mowgli to go so that she can chew up the new ball!!!

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"Mama, Cocoa Mowglinte koode varuva to daycare. Cocoante leash eduku. Ready aavan para. phaast"

"You cant take Cocoa to your daycare!"

Morphs into the howling angry young boy!!!!

Too much of thinking

Today is one of those days where I keep introspecting. Thinking and rethinking all my decisions. How much ever I want to stop this internal nitpicking, some day or the other it pops up. overcast sky.. an eerily quiet house.. sleeping Bambi… and I start thinking.

Of Mowgli who is in Kerala now. after all that prepping him about how he will enjoy two weeks at the BH’s parents place and 2 weeks at my place, he is apparently hating it! Its been two days and both of the days he’s called me multiple times saying “mowglinu bangalore varanam. Dada mama kaananam”. He is fine in the mornings, but by evening he is all dull and sad. I don’t know what to make of him. Everthing that we think he’ll enjoy turns out like this. The summer camp with the swimming and other activities, he absolutely hated it after three days. Any new situation is turning out to be very difficult for him. I don’t know whether we are helping him handle these in the right way or are we just thrusting our expectations at him and then getting disappointed when he doesn’t behave the way we want him to!

Of work and where I’m headed. Made a list of all the things that I love doing and want to do and realized that my current job is nowhere in that! it is just the financial part that makes all my other interests possible.. is it true for everybody else? Or are people passionately in love with their job enjoying it day in and day out?

Of the BH who is going through something very similar. Wanting to start something but not finding the time to do it. Occasionally we sit and joke about how nice it would be to go settle in Ladakh and do some mundane job and not have to worry about investments and stuff.

thinking and rethinking.

Parallel tracks.. what I am doing now and what do I want to do? The ever practical Virgo mindset will not let me take those risks easily.. and again are those risks worth taking?