MOWGLI'S TALES

@ 10 months

2012-02-07T12:01:00.011+05:30

Dear Bambi sweetie,
You came like a light breeze… little did we know that it was the calm before the storm!

Did I ever mention that you were calm and content to lie still?
That you were a little angel?
Quiet and peaceful?
HO HO HO I was SO wrong!
You, my little lady, is trouble spelt out in big bold capitals! TROUBLE with the sweetest smile ever. In the beginning you were this chubby baby who would lie and smile at everything. No crying. No fuss for eating. No fuss for sleeping. Content. I was a little worried thinking that you will be late in all your milestones as your hyperactive brother had rolled over at 3 months and at 4 months you still showed no signs of doing so. I worried needlessly.

You rolled over just before we went to Kerala. And there was no looking back. You beat your brother flat in all the “milestones”. Started sitting on your own before 6 months, crawled faster , started walking holding on to chairs and now trying to stand up on your own. You manage to keep your balance for a few seconds and then plop down. What we all have found out is that you are fearless. Always ready to crawl anywhere and everywhere. Dark rooms, up the stairs, over the small step to the balcony; nothing is out of bounds. Cocoa to you is like a huge soft toy. Sometimes I see you resting your cheek on her tummy where she has the softest fur and other time you smack her on the nose and clamber on top of her. You charm everybody with that smile, but absolutely refuse to let anyone hold you. Even if you deign to go into somebody’s arms you keep checking that we are there nearby. Your reaction to most people is dependent on how Mogli reacts to them. Did I mention that you are a chatterbox? Chitter patter the whole day non stop! Right now your vocabulary is limite sto five words: Da-da, Tha-tha, Cha-cha, pa-pa and ma-ma. Morning to evening you keep on repeating different combinations of these in varying pitches and tones non stop. I shudder to think of the time you will actually start talking!
You were a sharp contrast to your brother in terms of eating well and sleeping 2-3 hours daily. Now its like his influences have seeped into you. The moment you see the spoon you start crying. The past two weeks have been horrible with me ready to give you away to the first person who knocks on the dorr. Cry cry cry is all you did. Cry coz you don’t want to eat. Cry coz you don’t want to sleep. Cry coz you are hungry. Cry coz you are sleepy. Cry coz your bad mama took away that crayon you had secretly stashed inside your mouth. Cry coz somebody looked at you. Cry cry cry.
And I am back to the old days with Mowgli. Put everything into a bottle and walk around the parking lot trying to squeeze some spoons into your tummy. Your dada did protest at this ‘inhuman’ treatment and gave his gyan on ‘101 ways to feed a baby with love’. I gave him the oats and walked away at rule number 2. He shut up after rule 3 when you refused to open your mouth to his sweet pleas. Your grandparents give me advice on how to feed you things that you like. (I’m this close to putting the crayons on your plate for a tasty snack!) The urge to wean you is getting stronger and stronger by the hour. (Just now you came to my chair and put your grubby hands on my lap and gave me your trademark grin ‘Ma-ma’ and then crawled away. ) You are a pro at smiling at people and then proceeding to do things your way. No tantrums and the like for you. Sweetly and slyly do whatever you want without the drama! God save anybody who crosses your path.

Your brother is your hero as of now. Times when I feel that your life revolves around him You wait for him to get back from school so that he can squeeze you till you are blue. He arranges his cars and you go disturb everything. Trying to do what all he does and if he tries to ignore you then go plonk yourself right in front of him and say Cha-cha cha-cha .

Visitors have been shocked at seeing Mowgli squeeze you, carry you around, manhandle you. But you remain smiling throughout. And there are days when I wake up to see both of you cuddled together and it makes me soooooooooo happy and loving and what not. ( though there is a parallel thinking process that goes ‘Wow! Why don’t they both just sleep like this in another room!’).

Your dada is like putty in your hands and I foresee a lot of favors being wheedled out of that giant humbug. I on the other hand am made up of stronger material and can see through you. So don’t try your fancy tricks at me, girl!
It’s different. A daughter from a son. Not different in that sense but different different. Do you understand? ( maybe you will when you have both. ) What do I want for you? I want you to work hard towards your dreams. Following dreams is not enough, you need to work for them and when the opportunity comes grab it with both hands. The world may still be skewed, but you don’t worry about that. I wish for you Passion. For the things you want and the dreams you’ll have. Passion for life. Passion to live.
We as always will always be there.
God Bless.

Love,
Mama

Resolution #1

2012-01-04T10:59:00.000+05:30

Happy New Year

2012-01-04T09:33:00.003+05:30

Happy New Year!
We were in Coorg and it was a very beautiful night. Close friends… Good conversation.. Yummy food.. Spirits… A very relaxed and content start to the new year. There is something wonderfully magical about a new year. Its like starting afresh yet again! Its all good intentions and plans and excitement at what the future holds. And mainly Hope. Hope that this year sees us doing better than the last. That this will be the year where most of our dreams will come true. That we will do full justice to every single day of this year.
Hope. Its a powerful feeling....

2011 was a materialistically good year for us. We made most of the home improvements that we had been talking of for oh so long. We managed to pay off a huge chunk of our housing loan. Got our house painted. Have a small balcony garden with plants that look green as opposed to brown. Good health all around. Families were fine. Everything was pretty smooth sailing.
2011 brought us our small ever smiling bundle of joy who conquered everybody's hearts. Two kids and the house has never known a minute of quiet.
Mentally it has been one of the most draining years I’ve ever seen. My motto throughout was “Dear God, please help me manage!” Manage the kids.. manage the house.. manage three meals on time… manage my office work.. manage the plants.. the dog and umpteen other commitments that seemed to sprout from nowhere. Constantly on over drive, doing something and at the same time mentally planning the next task. Days when I was so tired that I could barely stand and all I wanted was to just escape from this and go sleep somewhere in the hills! Realized that working from home is more strenuous than going to office. The only consolation was that I could work in peace and not get paranoid about what the maid was doing at home with the kids. I would crib about too much work to my mom and her sharp reply would be get rid of the plants and Cocoa. But how could I do that? I’ve realized that I want everything N.O.W. I cannot wait for things. Cannot wait for the kids to grow up and then have a well maintained house. I want everything together. And in the process of trying to do too many things I lose my calm with everybody else around. Makes me wonder whether its worth it. The BH helped a lot, more than ever. But me being stubborn me had to do things my way!
Anyways hoping that this year will see us more relaxed and enjoying life more and living it to the fullest.
Coz, if I count all my blessings, my cup runneth over and for that Dear God, Thank you.

you want to do this..

2011-12-08T15:57:00.006+05:30

In Mowgli parlance, have is want. You want to read this book to me. You want to buy gems for me. You want to put Toy Story. You want...
I wish, I could also talk like this. You want to buy gifts for me. You want to cook dinner tonight. You want to sit at home and look after the two angels(imps!)
****************************************
mama, udit bite me.
why?
I donno.
What did you do?
I said I am sorry. appo udit bite me.
huh? why did you tell him sorry? what did you do?
after a lot of hemming and hawing and different versions of udit biting, the truth finally comes out.
Mowgli onnum cheythilla. varuthe kick cheythatha!!!
*******************************
Mowgli and my sister are playing cricket.
He sees her wet sleeve and asks" aye.. you did susu?"
"No! Mowgli. It got wet when I was washing my hand."
Innocently "Do you do susu in bed?"
"Sometimes". she says with a serious look.
" I too. Sometimes." says Mowgli with a conspiratory look. :-)
(Hahahha...its more like daily!!!)
****************************
Mama, Mowglinu ellam venda. Mowgli point cheythu kaanikaam. athu maatram mathi. okay?
okay mama? okay para mama. okay? okay?
All this when I have absolutely no intention of buying anything for him!
************************
Mowgli bites me really hard in the middle of the night. It hurts so much even in the morning. On asking him why , I get the answer. Mowgli mamane alla kadiche. Archit pandane ya!!!! ( So he dreamt that I was his best friend/enemy and bit him!)
**************************************
and too much of listening to kolaveri results in this.
mama, I know all the colours.
pinku.. whiteu... blackuu... blue uuu.. reduuu...
!!!

Mowgli unlimited!

2011-11-25T10:19:00.008+05:30

mama, call you manger.
why?
I want to talk to him. tell him you are notty. you no play with me.
aaha..
****************
mama, dont touch me. you will get cold. ( because i told him not to hug Bambi as he had fever)
********************
mama. you dont do joli okay?
If I dont do joli, then who will give me money? To buy our farmhouse and Bullet(which is the BH's latest obsession!)?
Farmhouse papa( my father in law!) medikum. Mowgli parayaam.
and Bullet?
nammaku atmill poyi koreeeeee kaashedukaam!
If only ATM's would get replenished automatically!!!
************************
And bringing me toys to entertain Bambi when she cries. and waking her up the moment he gets up. and wanting to hear baagdkbosedi. and saddahaq. and now the latest is kolaveri :-)Non stop entertainment!

Down

2011-11-08T18:32:00.001+05:30

Sometimes, "Was it such a bad day?" would have been an infinitely better response than "What is your problem?"

I am here.

2011-10-25T17:05:00.003+05:30

The night will start to fall
You'll lie awake recalling every tender thing she said
You'll think about her laugh
Her touch, her smile becomes a photograph
You can't forget
Not just yet.

You're gonna know that night
When you reach out an' she's not there
An' there's more pain than your heart can bear
Love's just a river till you've crossed it
Suddenly everything in your life feels wrong
You're alive but the reason's gone
You'll know love when you've lost it.

You'll know the taste of tears
You know you will for years, 'cause there's a truth you can't get past
Some bridges will not burn
(Some bridges will not burn.)
But some corners must be turned so you can love again at last
And not look back.
Still until that that night

When you reach out an' she's not there
An' there's more pain than your heart can bear
Love's just a river till you've crossed it
Suddenly everything in your life feels wrong
You're alive but the reason's gone
You'll know love when you've lost it.

It's so easy to recognise
You'll know love when you've lost it...

-You'll know love
Kenny Rogers

Mowglisms

2011-10-21T12:53:00.002+05:30

Mowgli: Mama, teacher paranju Mowglinodu tomorrow school bagil little little crackers konduvaranam.
Suspicious Mama: Huh? Nothing is written in your diary.
Trying to look innocent Mowgli : parnju paranju. Diaryill ezhuthan forget cheytatha. Mowglinodu maatram paranje.

Hahaha.. As if!!! Just imagine the state if he takes crackers to school and his bright ideas!
Btw why 'little little' crackers. Beacuse 'Big Big" crackers cause sound polishan and air polishan! Am dumbstruck!!!

Happy 6 months sweetie!

2011-09-30T18:05:00.006+05:30

two pearly whites... first word da-da... celebrated your first fall from the bed yesterday... started solids... refuses to lie down alone... thrown my specs... attempts to crawl... pulls your brothers hair... tried to count cocoa's teeth... smiles at every thing that moves... was the star attraction at Mysore zoo with girls queuing up for your snap... endures all our rough handling... your brother's pet...

to our brave daughter Cheers! You have made our lives beautiful :-)

School woes

2011-09-30T15:55:00.003+05:30

Mowgli was initially very happy with school. But now the past two months, it has changed. He does not want to go to school “everybody is bad”. His personality itself has changed. Angry as can be for everything. Even if its for a small thing, say No and the tantrums start ending in huge tears. Shouting at us saying we are not his friends, going to another room and sulking, back answering us for almost everything and then feeling sad. We feel so helpless seeing him struggle like this. I spoke to his teacher and she says the same thing. That they have noticed the change in him, but as to what caused the change, they have no clue.
From what I understand, he has been labeled naughty and bad at school. And it hurts him. Other children push him and when he does the same thing back, they complain about him. Yes, kids will be kids, but teachers should have some sense, right? Either they sit down and talk to him and the other children about what is acceptable behavior or they take the easier route which is to call him a Bad boy and leave it at that. He is naughty, extremely naughty and hyperactive. I know that. But he is not bad. He is very loving beneath the naughtiness. His daycare teachers understood him better. He was one of the naughtiest there also, but there he was loved by all of them. He was made to stand in a corner if he hurt other children, but generally they dealt with him better.
Nowadays education is one of the biggest businesses around. Teachers are recruited without any thought given to their experience or their skills. This is an impressionable age for him and I’m sad that he has it so tough. Yes, it could be that I’m over reacting but however toned down I try to be it doesn’t change the fact that Mowgli has changed in a lot in the past two months. Unlike other parents, we have not hounded the school with complaints of XYZ fighting with Mowgli etc. The teachers themselves admit that, but somehow they do not have the patience to deal with him. The constant refrain is “ he is extremely hyperactive” and as an afterthought “also very intelligent”!
The holidays have started and he is much better these days. Maybe it also helps that we both have been actively trying not to show our irritation with him, praising him when he does something good, trying to be more patient with him rather than shouting at him. Have been reading the book “How to talk so kids listen and listen so kids will talk” and its been worthwhile. I still am not able to do even 10% of what the book suggests, but with what little I’ve changed Mowgli has also changed.
And the kids these days. I get naughty, but I don’t get Mean! And that’s what most kids have turned to these days. Mean with a capital M. “Who wants this chocolate?” and tantalizingly opens it in front of all the kids. Mowgli rushes to them shouting “Me, Me”. They seem to be waiting for this. “No, nothing for you, Mowgli” and then gobble it up in front of him. I’m not talking about kids his age, these are at least 6yrs+. The language, the politics, the mentality .. everything has changed so much. Kids do not talk like kids or even think like kids these days. “Stupid” “Shut your mouth” these are words that I hear 4 yr old kids saying to each other. Sometimes the urge to shake them is so strong!
It makes us more and more aware of our responsibility towards him, of what we will teach him, of principles and values, of behavior and manners. In this materialistic world that’s a tall order!

Confessions of two guilty foodaholics!

2011-09-07T13:00:00.003+05:30

The BH at the doorstep on his way to office : "You know something. Yesterday by the time I reached office, I was hungry again and had a chikku shake" ( 30 min from home to office)
Me : " Thats okay. The other day I felt so hungry that I bought two packets of Pure Magic and ate them all." ( the intention was to share them, but the speed at which they were gobbled up defied all saintly intentions)
BH with a wide grin : " Oh, thats okay. I do that all the time. Order Gulabjamoon at office for lunch!"

At what should I feel offended? At the fact that I take the trouble to prepare a healthy lunch plus snacks for him and he goes and has jamoon on top of that? Or is it that he had jamoons and didnt even bring me one?
Definitely the latter! How dare he?

I hate school!

2011-08-04T15:46:00.004+05:30

Not Mowgli. Me. He loves it!
What did I expect from school? Facilities similar to his daycare minimum. He leaves home at 8.45 am and returns by 2.45 which in itself is too tiring for a small kid. He has a bus commute of close to two hours both ways. The school doesnot have a snack break, instead they ahve just one break for lunch at 12 pm which I feel is too late for kids who have had a small breakfast at 8.30 in the morning. By the time he comes back, he is tired, cranky and hungry and is just waiting to explode. The tantrums can sometimes start from the bus stop itself or once he reaches home. Most days the lunch is brought back untouched; good days are those where the lunch is half finished. I cannot give him rice/chapathi because both come back untouched. He doesnot eat fruits/raw vegetables. I dont want to give him chips/biscuits and stuff like that. So that limits the options for the lunch box. I try to make him have a proper lunch when he gets back and that is a battle in itself. I'm tired over this battle over food. Breakfast, because I know that is the only thing that will keep him going till evening and most days it is a shouting match and threats to take away his toys and what not. Peaceful breakfasts where he eats whole heartedly are very less. The late lunch that he has is even more stressful. He wants to watch Tom and Jerry, he wants to play. I know he is hungry and tired. The more I insist that he finish his lunch the more he dawdles with it. Extremely tired, I ask him to take a nap, at least lie down quietly on the bed with a book, he refuses. Every refusal is accompanied by tears and howls and throwing things. It ends with me shouting at him or spanking him. In the midst of all this is Bambi who most always has been rudely awakened from her afternoon nap by all this noice would be crying non stop.
Today I left him at the table and went to change Bambi's nappy. Came back to see him nodding off at the table. I picked him up and put him on the bed and he was fast asleep in seconds. Its all I can do to not cry in front of the maid, but I'm this close to losing it! Either the school should take responsibility about lunch, ensure that all kids eat their lunch or else send the kids home by 1 pm. With this timing, he has no proper lunch and no nap in the afternoon and remains a grumpy boy throughout! He has always been hyperactive and underweight, now he is even more skinnier and falls sick at the drop of a hat.
We have talked about this to his teacher, but she tells me that he is very stubborn and doesnot eat his lunch! (Then how did he eat in his daycare??? There all the kids were made to sit down in the dining area for lunch , they couldnot run about. They had to finish what was in the plate.) Here either the teachers do not know how to control kids or else they are just not paying enough attention to the kids.

Rolled over! Rolled over!!!

2011-07-15T11:34:00.003+05:30

In a fitting tribute to her brother, Bambi rolled over completely today ! And once she got the knack of it, there was no stopping her. Cocoa was the one most amused at this. The strange being that till now was lying flat now was slowly inching to her territory.

We are going to Kerala tomorrow for two weeks. Two long weeks of food and monsoons and surviving a 10hr car journey with two kids and a dog! Both the kids are down with fever and cold, thereby ensuring that I'll be subjected to advice and criticism from the moment we step out of the car. Am praying that both of them recover at least by the time we reach the Kerala border.

This is Bambi's first trip to kerala and most probably Mowgli will be sidelined with all the attention that she is going to get. Tantrums for sure by Mowgli boy. Pretty adventurous and hectic trip ahead. So Goodbye :-)

Its one of those days!

2011-07-06T09:35:00.006+05:30

Those days when i lose my cool at

Mowgli ruminating with one piece of chapathi in his mouth for one hour. Safely tucked in between his cheek, he gives me a blank look when I get mad at him

Yet another untouched lunchbox. Excuses are plenty. He had potato chips ( God alone knows from where!), there was no time for lunch, it was too much food in the box ( how can two chapathis be too much food for a energetic boy who had his breakfast at 8.30?) I wonder what the teachers and ayahs are doing. He has been going to daycare for almost two years and I've never had a complaint about him not eating.

Bambi crying for apparently no reason. She doesnot want to feed, she does not want to sleep, she does not want to lie down and play. She just wants to cry cry and cry!

At a tummy that still looks 5 months pregnant. I had slogged and slogged to lose all the kilos that I had piled on after Mowgli and now back to square one. It just hurts like hell and now with two kids, I know i will not be able to devote so much time to working out.

At parents for reasons silly and real.

Mowgli wetting his bed every night. He had got over it and was sleeping through the night. Now he is again back to wetting it twice or thrice at night

At cracked heels and corns and calluses. At my laziness to do something about them.

At all the aches real and imagined

And at me for sometimes being my mother and sometimes being my father and sometimes being just me!!!

Three months!

2011-06-30T09:56:00.007+05:30

Dear Bambi,

Three months before, this time, I was sleeping in front of the operation theatre. The doctor was late and we had had no sleep the previous night. What with being taken for various tests at 3am and what not. The catheter was irritating (to put it very mildly) and I just wanted to get everything over. I was scared and anxious unlike the first time. Maybe because I knew better now. The BH and my mother were waiting outside each in their own world of thoughts. Both reliving Mowgli's birth.

After what seemed like eternity they wheeled me into the operation theatre, and then it was a flurry of activities. Pressure taken, random people describing my case history, questions asked of me on why I had opted for a C section, curled into a ball readying myself for the spinal anaesthesia. My doctor came in rushing and we were ready to cut! Everything happened very fast, I was fully conscious talking to the junior doctor when you were pulled out "Its a Boy! Its a Boy." I was slightly disappointed, but happy thinking of the cute nickname that we had selected for the boy. "Oops, Its a Girl Its a Girl, that was the umbilical cord!" Everybody in the theatre started laughing and that is how you came into our lives. To the sound of laughter…

The first sight I had of you was wide open legs. I finally had to tell the doctor, "Yes, I got it. Its a girl. Now can you please show me her face!" I kissed you and there were tears in my eyes. Now, I dont know how that came about. With your brother, there were no tears, I was just relieved that after 6 long and horrible hours, he had finally decided to make an appearance! Seeing you for the first time was a sweet feeling. That the girl we had so longed for had finally come.

They cleaned you up, wrapped you in a blue flannel and went to show the BH and mamama. and Your dada kept on asking the doctor, "Boy or Girl?". The wily fellow just said "Why dont you see for yourselves?" and slowly took his sweet time unwrapping you. Your mamama says that your dada was ready to grab you from the doctor by this time. And once he knew, it was a girl, the baby girl that he dreamt about he was quiet, so happy that there were no words. He has always maintained that Mowgli and I gang up on him and he needed a girl to be on his side always. Well, now that you are here lets all gang up on your dada :-)

Three months went by really fast as always. You are one of the happiest babies I've ever seen (*Touchwood*). Content to lie down quietly, and once you started smiling, always smiling. You talk to yourself in different tones and if we dont pay attention, the tone starts becoming shriller and shriller. Mowgli loves you and kisses you the first thing in the morning. You are very patient allowing him to smother you with his kisses, not reacting much when he slyly pinches you. Most evenings, you lie down on your playmat surrounded by cars and a hyper brother and a hyper dog! You have started travelling at 2 months, and completely at ease. You have been to drop your chachan at school, pick him up from the bus stop, have bought vegetables, walked in the play area downstairs, been to the swimming pool and even gone to the airport in a volvo!!! Others see you and exclaim "Such a small baby, why have you brought her out of the house?"But you are one tough chick! You fix them with a stare and then with a sweet smile. Tagging behind your brother from now itself. I shudder to think of the days when you will start crawling behind him.We are more relaxed with you, after all we are veterans by now :-) Enjoying playing with you, talking to you. By the way, thats what you like the best- people talking to you. You also talk back making sounds in different tones. Its fun! Your nickname is still in dispute. Your dada is still sticking to his "old fashioned name" and I to the "modern cute name". I have the family behind me and your dada has the friends. Mowgli, depending on which of us he needs more, changes the nickname to gain preference. At times he will tell us to call you "Gudiya baby", "rehaan baby" etc. As the lady of this house, I have hope and faith that mine will be the last word, and my name will stick. Well, time will tell!
So, as always keep smiling and God Bless.
P.S. Do try to lift your lazy butt and roll over. Your hyperactive brother rolled over at this time!

Love,
Mama

School, Two kids

2011-06-16T10:31:00.006+05:30

On the first day, Mowgli comes back with a tear streaked face. Reason being " Mowglinte classile ella boysum gerlsum cry cheyuva" ! Thus starts peer pressure
Genes. They are a strange thing. Funny how they pop up unexpectedly. Just like his father, anybody and everybody within a 500m radius are Mowgli's FRIENDS. He doesnot know their names, they might not be in his class, they most probably will be ignoring him big time, but for him everybody is a friend. Randomly goes and hugs other kids, pulls a girl's pigtails as we walk towards the car, waves bye to another chap. He plays with the kids in the apartment for a couple of hours and then invites them home to play some more! The BH has sobered down a little now, otherwise he used to be as bad as this. Our house used to be the unofficial guest house for anybody who came to Blore! Am preparing myself for the deluge of 'friends' that will grace our house in the years to come!!!
He totally adores Bambi (the little princess has been christened Bambi). So the day starts with him crushing her with one of his bear hugs and kisses. Along with the love, there are moments of jealousy when I'm given strict instructions to not give duddu to baby.. let her cry. And he has discovered that this is somebody whom he can order about. A small pinch for " baby enthina bedill susu cheythe? Go to the bathroom". " baby enthina kai vayilidane?" "baby enthina karayane... chachan edukano?" Slyly trying to lift Bambi when nobody is looking, pulling off her socks when he is irritated with her, surrounding her with cars and trucks of all shapes and sizes, talking to her about his trucks and monkeys and elephants.

She on the other hand is relatively calmer than Mowgli. Totally content with life. And has resigned herself to life with Mowgli and Cocoa :-)

And us? We are enjoying this mishmash!

When I was pregnant with Bambi, a senior colleague told me "A second child will make your family complete. It might sound cliched, but its the truth." I had jokingly responded that with just one kid and a dog our family was as 'complete' as could be. But now I understand what he meant. Totally.

and we start BIG SCHOOL!

2011-06-14T09:37:00.002+05:30

The little princess has arrived!

2011-04-06T17:48:00.003+05:30

Well.. only time will tell if she is indeed an angel or an imp! Considering the genes, more the latter :-) The BH is over the moon with his darling daughter!!! How are we doing? Good question. I dont know. Mowgli is slowly getting over his insecurities. It was very sad to see him the first week with the baby. Trying to hide his feelings, acting happy because everybody else was so excited, worried about seeing me lying in the hospital, clinging to his dada, not sure whether he would be left behind somewhere. Terrible tantrums and tears for everything as a result of which he has lost his voice. Slyly hurting the baby when he thinks nobody is looking, a small bite here and there, a pinch. The little one is calm ( quite different from her hyperactive brother), so it is easier to just concentrate on Mowgli always. He is better now, smothering her with kisses and hugs when he feels like it. As the days go by, he gets more secure. I've had a C section this time and the worst part of it is that I cant lift Mowgli. My mother is here for a month and then the BH's mother for another month. I should rest and heal fast, but at another level I want everybody to go back and for us to be again a family...

2011-03-29T14:33:00.003+05:30

Dear Mowgli,

Today when I scolded you, you hugged me tight and said "Mowgliku kettipidikanam" (Mowgli wants to hug). I felt very bad and as in the last couple of months wondered yet again whether having another baby was the right decision or not. Should we have waited some more years? Is there a right answer? I dont know. All I know is that I hope that you love the baby, more than Dada or mama. That you two be there for each other always even when we are dead and gone. That you two will get into mischief and will cover up for each other and make fools out of us. That for both of you, God will bless you with all the happiness and love that you need and more. And that we be good parents to you both. The last is my worry. Are we good parents? Are we doing the right thing? In the end there is no right or wrong, we do what our heart and mind feels is best for you. Whether it was really the best, time will tell. So sweetie pie, cheer up. Mama and dada love you and nobody else can take your place. You are the one who made us parents, who taught us patience ( well, we have improved.. what more do you expect?), who taught us to stop and smile, who accomodated all our crazy trips and our crazier ideas, who adopted Cocoa into this crazy household... You are the firstborn and that is always special :-) I could go on and on, but life needs to be lived and loved... Lets do that and be back here with how it feels to be the Big Brother in a couple of days!

Ummmmmmma.

Luv,

dada and mama.

Appreciation- a forward

2011-03-25T19:12:00.001+05:30

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview.
The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?"
The youth answered "none".The director asked, "Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"
The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.The director asked, "Where did your mother work?"
The youth answered, "My mother worked as laundry woman.
The director requested the youth to show his hands.
The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.The director asked, "Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"
The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.The director said, "I have a request. “When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.”The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands.
His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the young man.The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.After finishing the cleaning of his mother’s hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: "Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"The youth answered, "I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'The Director asked, "Please tell me your feelings."
The youth said:
1. I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, there would not have been the successful me today.
2. By working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.
3. I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationships.The director said, "This is what I am looking for to be my manager.I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.
A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put him self first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of a person, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the childreninstead?
You can let your children live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, you want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your children learn how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learn how to work with others to get things done.

conversations!

2011-02-02T13:47:00.003+05:30

On the way to daycare. ( somehow Mowgli and me have our most soul searching conversations at this time!)
"Mama, Mowgli schoolil povumbam mama cry cheyanda. Okay?"
Thinking to myself, " Why will I cry!!! I'll be so happy, hahahaha. " Okay Mowgli, I'll try not to cry. but will you cry?"
" Noooooooooo. Mowgli big boy aayille. so enthina karayane?"
Oh Yeah!!!

***************************************************************
My mother has been with us for a week and today she calls me at office. "Where is Cocoa?"
"What? Where is cocoa? Did you look everywhere?"
"Yes! Not there in the house."
"What? Where can she go? Did you check under the bed? Call her with a biscuit or something. Must be hiding somewhere." I'm very puzzled as to how can Cocoa disappear!
Silence at the other end.
"Mama, what? Did you find her?"
My mother bursts into laughter. " I'm not talking about your big fat dog! Where is cocoa powder? I'm planning to make a pudding!"
"Ohhhhhhhhhh.."
*********************************************************

lazy bones!

2011-01-06T15:06:00.002+05:30

Its early in the morning and Mowgli and I are snuggling to ecah other. Suddenly he sits up and says, "mama, athenthu sounda?" (What is that sound?)
I tell him, "The birdies are telling you Get up Get up".
A big smile and eyes tightly closed, the reply comes " Alla Mama, birdies parayuva, Sleep Sleep"!!!!

He has inherited his aunts' ( both paternala nd maternal) laziness!

Of small boys and big dialogues!

2010-12-09T17:30:00.002+05:30

I ask the BH to press my legs.
Immediately a small voice pipes up " Venda Dada... athu tanne marikolum!" (dada, no need. It'll go away on its own!!!!) I'm rearing a teeny weeny chauvinist at home!!!

The Threes begin!!!

2010-11-12T14:24:00.006+05:30

Happy Birthday Mowgli boy :-)

Time does fly, isnt it. Three years before this time, I was still in the hospital starving and scared and sick of the whole thing. I just wanted you to come out and finish this pregnancy business!!! Who would have thought that you would grow up to be this cute boy ? (P.s.Cute is a very relative term and something which I think we will use sparingly and your grandparents will find it inadequate to describe you and people who see you for the first time will gasp in shock if they hear Cute associated with you!)

You have grown up to be a very very naughty boy! A nice kind of naughtiness but.
You love to hug and kiss other people especially children and there have been many instances where the other kid has pushed you away and said "No. Enough!"
You have to hear at least three stories every night and most days you give us the list of the animals that need to be in the story. Like the other day , you wanted a story about the "kubcow". It took us some time to figure out that you meant a "calf"!!!
Cocoa is now your friend and ally. You have been heard threatening random people with the phrase " Cocoa will come and bite you!" You are yet to realize that your big bad doggie is a pure softie and will happily go with all your enemies if they would just pat her!
And you are a riot at times like when you tried to give a Hi-Five to the priest who did your vidyarambam.. The poor man didnt understand and we converted it to a hand shake. Or the time when you dismantled the almost broken lift handle and brought it home without me seeing and when asked for an explanation told me " Mowgli repait cheyan konduvanatha!(I'm going to repair it). Your dada was unaware of this and screamed at the security guards about how the handle was missing from the lift door! Or the time when we were on the terrace and you were kicking a ball and suddenly stopped and told me " mama, clap cheyu. waka waka paadu. Mowgli fooball kalikuva!" ( Mama, clap your hand and sing Waka Waka. I'm playing football!)
You are just waiting to be a big boy to get that guitar and set of drums. I'm also waiting...with dread though!!!
We are friends most of the days though we fight every single minute.You are your dada's pet. The limits are more relaxed there and you take full advantage of that. You like music and one day on seeing a random cd asked me if it was "moyt chofan". Well,it was not Mohit Chauhan, but you did make my day.. hehehhehe.
So today as on all other days I pray for your wellbeing, that God will take care of you always, help you decide between right and wrong and be with you always.
We, tho are a constant!!!
Cheers!
Mama

P.S. you have gone to your daycare very excited about your 'Lion Cake' and how You and Dhruva and Rehaan will finish it all off!

introspection...

2010-11-10T17:50:00.000+05:30

Most problems come from the insecurities within… of fears that once surfaced and now refuse to die down…. of not trusting the other enough…. of judging too soon and too harsh.

Two religions.. different rituals.. different thoughts.. but are they also different? The thoughts? Shouldn’t they be the link that bind?

Who is family? when do we move away from our parents? Treat them as extended family and not immediate.

Is trust overrated? Why cant we just let go? Believe that the other will be fair. Believe that we are priority. Believe in the decision. Treat everything else as noise. Cocoon ourselves in this family.

In our hopscotch world, we need to create our own family traditions.. borrow some.. make some.. but all those that we believe in… both of us.. for our family and the ones to follow….

Look at the life ahead and the years wasted… make an effort to reclaim lost land… realize the happiness in being together with each other.. for each other always…
Life…

And wat somebody told me very recently.. we create the atmosphere which determines how people will react to us/behave with us…

From the mouth of babes!

2010-10-22T11:46:00.001+05:30

Me : “ Mowgli, what did you do in daycare today?”
Mowgli : “ mama, 3 moskikos bite me!” and proceeds to show me three minuscule marks.
Me grinning widely at the mosquitoes from Moscow! : “ and then what happened?”
Mowgli : “ Then three bluds came!”
We all lose it at this stage…

At night I’m singing some old song to him. “mama, ee paatu venda.. Mowglinte favrit paatu kaito aanu.” ( not this song. My favourite song is kaito). I totally don’t get which song this is. He gives me long explanations of how he used to listen to this song and all. Finally he gets totally exasperated with me and runs and gets my mobile. “ ithilanu kaito” (kaito is inside this).. and then it strikes me.. it was Kahin Tu from jaane tu ya jaane na.. that used to be the only song stored in my mobile and long time back it was kept on loop for him to sleep. Don’t know why he suddenly remembered that song.

From God who was an abstract, Mowgli has somehow understood that God can get things done! One night in our daily prayers the first line by Mowgli was “Dear God, mowglinte toys loftinu eduthu taaa!” ( Get me my toys from the loft!) . Because he was naughty and was not keeping his toys back, I hid them away and told him that he’ll not get it again. And the again another day, he got these Bible quotes and was pretending to read them. I told him he was too small for this and maybe once he starts big school he can read one everyday. The reply I get “ Illa mama.. Mowglinu vayikaam. God parayuva Mowglinu 1 kinderjoy and 1 car also venam nu” ( No mama, I can read. God says , get Mowgli one kinderjoy and one car also).. Really?????

early teens?

2010-08-06T13:46:00.003+05:30

There is something about a kid's responses that can leave you shocked and rooted to the ground!
The BH is away on a 10 day trip and we are alone. And as always whenever the BH is not there, Mr. Mowgli is invariably more cranky, Cocoa is definitely more naughty and I am certainly not at my best managing the two. Trips to the terrace lugging a dog, a cycle, a cover full of broken precious cars and a pint sized kid who throws a tantrum at EVERY single step! The first one is for forgetting to get the football ( did he think I have hidden arms?) , the next for not carrying him, the next for not allowing him to say Hi to all the neighbors on all the floors, the next for God alone knows what. The neighbors give me weak smiles wondering why I’m such a irritated person. I really don’t know why I take the trouble to do this . But once we reach the terrace everything is forgiven and forgotten. Cocoa is happy and running about like a crazy dog, Mowgli has arranged his toys and is playing with them quietly and I slowly exhale. The cool breeze sort of cools my heart also and I stand there lost. One of my close friends once said “ You need so little to be happy” . Yes, its true. But the reverse is also true, a little hurt can plunge me into depths you wouldn’t want your worst enemy to go”. I’ve tried controlling the intensity of my emotions and I’ve realized that it’s not possible for me to scale it down. There is only black and white in my world. Either I love you or don’t. It’s as simple as that. I might rage against you, make you laugh crazily, make you want to tear off your hair in frustration but all that only if I love you. If I don’t then you don’t even exist for me. You can do whatever you want, it will not make any difference to me. As you guessed it I can be a pain in a relationship :-) I try to be stable, God knows that I try..i rarely succeed though.

But I digress. So after the terrace thing, I again repeat the steps – lug dog, pick up cars, leave a howling Mowgli in the terrace and slowly make my way down. Mowgli after howling the place down realizes that its getting dark and his cruel mama is not going to carry him and slowly walks down to the flat.

In two seconds flat he has arranged all his toys on the table again. I try to clean up the flat from one end, he clutters it up from the other! I shout at him and a pitiful voice pipes out “ why mama you are like this?” and that is the final straw. It is a direct hit to the heart and soul and whatever and its all that’s needed to make me feel like the biggest failure ever! Tears tumble down and the usual blame game starts within my mind- how I’m always shouting, not happy with anything blah blah blah.. I’m sure he doesn’t even realize what he’s just said. I don’t even know from where he learnt this. Maybe from the same place that he heard “Go away. I no your fren.”

I leave him with his toys, go to our balcony and stand there looking at the plants. Soon, a wet nose snuggles in to my legs and tries to push me down. I sit down and hug Cocoa and start to cry again for everything and anything. It’s that moment when I love cocoa with all my heart, whatever I do to her good or bad she is always there.

Some time later one small boy comes upstairs hunting for me and hugs me hard and asks “ Mama, you are my fren?” We hug each other and stay that way for a long time forgiven by each other .

Till the next fight!

Mowgli-isms!!!

2010-08-05T12:43:00.002+05:30

Irritated mama: “Mowgli put away your toys. I’ve told you NO toys on the dining table”
Rebellious son : “ Mama, I play on table okay? You no disturb me. Go do your joli (work). Okay?”
Hello??? Are we having parallel conversations here?

**********************************
The BH is busy packing his stuff for a week long trip. Mowgli comes to me and starts complaining “ dada notty boy! He no play with me. I no frens with dada. Notty boy”

************************************

In the morning while we are seeing off the BH. The little imp hugs the BH hard and says “ Dada, office ponda.. nammaku kettipidichu babo veykaam” ( don’t go to office. Lets hug and sleep). The father melts into a puddle on hearing this and is almost ready to bunk!
**************************************
“Mowgli wear your monkey cap.” Mowgli on turning the cap all around,” mama monkey ebide?” ( Where’s the monkey?) . Good question. Why is it called a monkey cap? God alone knows!

*******************************
And yesterday, in front of me my little boy who was scared to sit on his small chair a year back because his feet would not touch the ground, he climbed on to the kitchen counter using the drawer handles as steps!!!! There is no safe place in this house anymore…

2010-06-30T14:42:00.006+05:30

For our monthly getaways the BH has started looking at places that allow dogs. And in the process we are discovering beautiful places. Homestays where the intent is not just to make money, but mainly to ensure that you have a good time. Where the people are nice and give a truly homely feeling.
Such was Mugilu. Near to Sakleshpur. Its about a 5hr drive from Bangalore. The homestay is run by a couple in their thirties. Very warm and friendly, they actually make an effort to make you feel comfortable. They have three cottages and can accomodate more people if needed. They'll provide spare mattresses etc if you are going as a group. The balconies in the cottages were to die for. Two easy chairs and a view of their estate.They have three dogs- a German Shepherd, a very friendly Rottweiler and a local breed. The dogs keep to themselves unlike the ones at Rappa. So even if you are scared of dogs don’t worry. They just sniff around and then go off to do their own thing. The best thing about such places are the total ease and comfortable feeling that you get. Cocoa gets to run around freely ( she is never chained) and she just enjoys these outings.
Sightseeing per say, we didn’t do much. Went to the Hemavathy backwaters in the evening, had fun playing in the knee deep water. Cocoa as usual went berserk with all that water around. The food was good tasty Kannada stuff. We really hogged!Nothing new about that, I know :-) The next day early morning went for a hike. Halfway into the hike we decided to not trek up to the top, but took a detour to a private waterfall. Slipped and slithered over the rocks, it was an adventure for us city people :-) played in the water and then got back with a HUGE appetite. We got back and dug into stacks of toast and omlettes, rava idlis and curries. Conversation was resumed after only a hour or so.
It was a very short trip. Reached there on sat afternoon. Started back by Sunday morning after breakfast. Got back to banaglore by evening. The perfect weekend.

[The meadows next to the homestay- Ideal place to play ball or just laze around with a book]

The battle!

2010-06-25T19:23:00.002+05:30

Where did it start?
Was it when I accidentally overheard a friend on the phone giving advice to one of his friends that he shouldn’t marry a girl of the same age coz they turn old and fat very quickly. (The BH and I have an age gap of just a few months). I was shocked and more than that it was like a part of my self confidence just plummeted. He was my friend. Is this what he thought about us? And this was before my pregnancy! Yes, I had put on a couple of kilos after college, but was I that fat and out of shape ???
Or was it the time I met an old classmate who looked at me and exclaimed with glee” You have become so fat. You don’t look beautiful at all now!” Here there was more of pity for her blatant rudeness. I was pregnant at that time. Apparently she didn’t even notice.
The final straw was very recently when I met a friend who had slimmed down to her pre-pregnancy weight in 9 months after her delivery and here I was blaming those extra kilos on a two and half year old Mowgli!!!
It was a very depressing phase. I hated shopping for clothes, because invariable none would fit. I hated having to heave myself into tight salwars daily. I hated looking at the mirror and finally one day I decided that I HAD TO DO SOMETHING. This was something that I had to be strong and DO IT. I had joined the gym a couple of times, but they all fizzled out pretty soon coz the weight scales refused to budge. I love to eat and absolutely despise being hungry, so all those strict diets- GM, Atkins, liquid etc were not for me. Then one day purely by chance browsing through random sites I came across a couple of reviews of Rujuta Diwekar’s book “Don’t Lose your Mind, Lose Your Weight!” Acting purely on a whim I ordered the book and promptly forgot about it.
The book came a week later and from the first page I was hooked. It was completely completely doable. As the book suggested I took a look at my eating habits and realized why with all the gymming the scales refused to inch. SWEETS. I used to have a sweet after every meal. Be it chocolates/cakes/pastries/ puddings what not. If there was nothing available I would buy a Diary Milk and have it. The BH and I would eat out regularly 4-5 times a week. If not actual dinner, then at least an ice cream or pastry. Visits to Corner House and Cake walk were like a weekly feature in our house( weekends not included!) . Yes, it didn’t help that both of us loved sweets. All in all I had put on a total of 10-12 kgs from my college days and the BH around 15-20 kgs! If we needed to get back in shape, the first thing that had to stop/ at least reduce was eating out and sweets.
So what did we do?
1. Totally cut down on tea and coffee. From 7-8 cups a day went down to 1 cup a day. And with that reduced my sugar intake- each cup had about 2 big tsps sugar.
2. Instead of morning tea, I had something solid like a glass of milk, oats, fruits, nutrichoice biscuits etc. The one cup of tea that I have is in the evenings when I majorly need that energy boost.
3. Started having small meals every 2 hrs. This needs some amount of planning and stocking up to be done. I have cheese slices/fruits/handful of peanuts/salads/sprouts etc for those in between meals. Have kept a dabba of peanuts in office permanently to munch on if I forget to get something from home.
4. Eating out only on weekends and that too mainly for lunch. I guess this is the biggest factor that helped. So no more cheese cakes/ice-creams at 10pm. We have a light dinner at home and fill up on fruits.
5. Exercising regularly. It could be an hour in the gym or some days just 20 minutes. But EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! There were days when I didn’t want to go. The only thing that kept me going were the voices of my so-called-friends. Their snide remarks. That was THE one thing that pushed me to go to the gym even if I was tired/didn’t feel like going. The factor that this time the extra kilos should go and stay away!
6. Having sweets as a meal and not as dessert after a meal. So I would cheat and have my laddoo the first thing in the morning rather than have it after my dinner because there were less chances of converting it into fat.

Discovered that even if we couldn’t eat out, I could very well try making different stuff at home. I used to find cooking very boring, but now with trying out new and different recipies most of which we have not had before cooking is fun now. It also helps that the BH is very enthu about what all I make and is not fussy about food. I’ve lost about 4-5 kgs in 3 months. Pretty slow mainly because I never totally went off sweets and other fattening things. I’ve just reduced my intake. But more than kgs lost, the inch loss was awesome. Lost my double chin, my bulging 5 month-looking –pregnant tummy is down to looking 3 months pregnant, my hips and legs have toned down. All in all I look far more slimmer than I did before. And the best part about all this I feel that it’s a lifestyle change that I’ve made and its more sustainable in the long run. There is no way I’m going to get off these changes that I’ve made in my eating habits. Hopefully they will and should last me throughout my life. I still have about 5 kgs to lose. I will get there maybe in another coupel of months. Slow and steady :-)
And to all of you looking to lose weight, if I could do it with my greed for good food, then anybody can do it :-)

Crazy!

2010-05-28T18:03:00.003+05:30

On the way to the daycare....
Music in the car : "Maula Maula, Maula meri maula..." from Delhi 6.
Mowgli intently listening to the music and then asks me " Ithu Mon lalinte paatalle? " (Isnt this MohanLal's song ?) yes I know, he pronounces Mohan Lal as Monlal, but still this was too much! The BH and I laughed for ages over this.
Evening returning from daycare... Some random music in the car. Mowgli after some time asks me " Ini mamootyde paatu vache!" (Now put Mamooty's song!)

How does he know MohanLal and Mamooty? Courtesy the grandparents! The BH'S family are crazy Mohan Lal fans and they have taught Mowgli famous dialogues etc. My mom is a die hard Mamooty fan and how could she stand her one and only grandson talking about Mohan Lal. So she taught him about Mamooty!!!
Crazy, arent they???

My first Mother's Day!

2010-05-13T15:43:00.003+05:30

Mowgli came back from his daycare with a huge smile. His hands were hidden behind tightly clutching on to something. The BH tried to get him to show what it was but to no avail. "No Dada. Mowgli give mama!" a very stern voice piped out.
When I came back from office, my cute son gave a card to me and said "Lub you. :-) Happy Muter Day!" and a kiss... It was so nice. The lines were taught by the BH. The card was made by his aunties in teh day care. But the whole presentation was his and his alone. The eagerness, the feeling that this was something special, and his impish smile!
Well, my first Mother's Day card !!!
The green BH is eagerly waiting for Father's day!!!

Dear Mowgli boy

2010-05-11T14:07:00.001+05:30

You are a BIG boy now. Or so you tell me. “ Mama, Mowgli big boy. Mowgline edukanda” ( No need to carry me now). The next instant you forget this and beg me to lift you up.
These are the days when you make me go absolutely crazy with your naughtiness and at the same time make my heart swell up in love when you decide that I need some loving. These days a prayer is almost always on my lips. A plea to keep you safe and not take you away from us. At least not in our lifetimes.
You talk nonstop. Sentences. Paragraphs. The other day I was hanging out the clothes to dry, I heard a strange voice from your room. You were playing with your trucks and mixer and cars. Apparently the truck was not well, so you were miming for it. A sick voice for the truck. Then another voice for the doctor who examined the truck and decided that an injection was due. I burst out laughing and came in and hugged you hard. You pushed me away irritated at me for disturbing your game. I used to talk aloud to myself, when I heard you also do that it was so funny!
You have started speaking in English and that again is so hilarious! “I want a this”, “I come, you go”. " I no come." and other jumbled up stuff
One day your dada refused to give you his morning cuppa tea for you to dunk your biscuits in, you immediately turned away from him and said “ You go! Mowgli no your friend!”. You had to repeat it a couple of times before we understood :-)
At times we tear our hair in frustration when you refuse to obey. You challenge us to take away your toys, to give you a screw. The only thing that works is being made to stand in a corner. I don’t know when you’ll behave, when you’ll start listening to us. When I will not have to threaten to take away your toys. Maybe once the “Nice threes” start? Just hoping :-)
Sometimes, the hurt is there. That you are the object of my love and the object of my frustrations. And the two are never balanced. There are days when I can control my anger/desperateness and not direct it at you, but some days it just slips out. I get irritated with you when all you want is to spend an extra 5 minutes playing in the water. Later on I feel bad about it. But at that instance I’m not thinking rationally. Daily I try making these vows to myself. That I’ll talk to you in a sane voice even when you are doing totally insane stuff, that I’ll not snap at your dada, that I’ll smile and get through the day. Well, well well… I’m a huge work in progress in that regard!
As a society we often talk about how children hurt their parents and how they should never do that. But I think more important than that is how parents hurt their children knowingly or unknowingly. By not listening to them when they speak, by dismissing their fears/concerns , by not treating them with respect, by fighting with each other in front of them. I read this in an old copy of Reader’s Digest a lot of years back and this is something that has stayed in my mind: “ The greatest thing a dad can do for his children is to love their mother” and I will add a “vice versa “ to it. The greatest gift that parents can give their children is to love one another.
And I hope that we can do that. Till we are gone. To love each other and love you and be a family.

memories

2010-04-23T16:38:00.004+05:30

Today is Kitu's birthday. I still mark the date on my calendar. Rediff sent me reminder mails showing me potential gifts. His friends have wished him on Orkut.
All I can think of is why would God do this to someone so young? Somebody who has yet to live his dreams. We were planning to go for a rock concert. Planning to visit him in Goa. Hoping that he would get a job in Bangalore. And its all been wasted. Futile. I can think of so many people who could have died instead of him. What was the karma there? What was the purpose?
Love you lots Kitu. Be happy.
Those dreams... we'll live it up next time. Promise.

2010-04-23T15:57:00.003+05:30

The BH got back safe and sound yesterday (most importantly with all bags intact!).

Mowgli has been all over him. Dada dada a hundred thousand times. I still hold to my theory that the love came only after the BH opened his suitcase and got out the cars and toys for Mowgli :-) He has been fiercely possesive about the BH hugging him tight, clinging to him and announcing to all and sundry "My Dada!". I hugged the BH and told Mowgli "Not yours, Mine! My Dada" (Yes, I'm childish that way). I was given a sharp rap on the head by a toy hammer and a stern warning "ini cheeyvo?" (Will you ever repeat that again?) . From where did he learn that????

Dads and their little fans! Hmmph! I'm off to read my book in peace!

Conversations with a 2.5 yr old

2010-04-15T16:02:00.004+05:30

"mama, no mayuti okay?"
"Why no maruti? Mama drives well, no?"
Diplomatism at its best! " Mayuti tired. go auto okay?"
********
I'm trying to feed him something and he is refusing to open his mouth.
"Mowgli!"
"Mowglinu desham varuva!" (Mowgli is getting angry! Verbatim copy of what I tell him normally)
**************
Conversation on our way back from day care.
"Mama, Mowgli notty boy"
"Why Mowgli? Mowgli good boy alle?"
"No mama. daycare anty Mowgli notty cheythu" ( Mowgli did something naughty)
No idea what he did there but!
**********
I'm combing his hair and tell him "Mowgli smart aayello"
looks at me head to toe and says " Mama smart aayi" :-) My day is made.
*********
On our way to daycare "Mowgli... is Akash a good boy?"
"Nooo. Aakaaash notty"
"Purab?"
"pooraaab notty"
"Chetu?"
"Chetu notty"
"So no good boys in your daycare? All are naughty?"
"Mowgli good boy" and an extremely satisfied smile!!!! Talk about self confidence
************

Super Woman!

2010-04-15T13:41:00.002+05:30

i miss you so much when you are not here. Maybe if you were here, i might have snapped at you, shouted at you, cribbed about the work. but i miss you. i really do. even if its the snapping part :-)
On another note, I passed the test of "being a good Indian daughter-in-law" . Last night around 9pm I get a call from my sister in law that her parents aka my in-laws are landing here today and not day after tomorrow as we had thought before. The moment she hangs up, I rush to the fridge. Empty shelves look back at me . The vegetable tray has a lone shrivelled tomato glaring at me. I was planning to do the shopping today evening! I make plans to make a quick moru curry and some channa for their lunch and peacefully go to bed. Around midnight I wake up with a start. Its Vishu (Mallu New Year) today and it calls for a sadya!!!! Try as I might I cannot go back to sleep. Plan A, plan B, C all roll about. I will have to buy vegetables, make everything and clean the house by 9 am! The task called for superhuman strengths.
Started off at 5 am. Multi tasking in the kitchen, juggling Mowgli, making numerous trips up and down 4 floors ( Bloody lift not working again!!!), bought vegetables , cooked and cleaned the kitchen, changed the sheets, cleaned up the house all in record time. Called my mom at 5.30 am to ask for a recipe and scared her out of her wits. She thought we had again been robbed :-)Mowgli for once was really understanding. He played quietly with his toys opening his mouth occasionally for me to push something in amidst the mad rush. And did I tell you that Mowgli has diarrhoea. So we did go to the bathroom around 5 times and then his medicines were over, so again go down 4 floors, buy medicines and climb up again!
And then I looked at the table. There was sambhar, cabbage thoran, koorkha olathiyathu, pineapple pachidi, pappadam and semiya paayasam. Not bad, I pat myself :-)
Rushed to office after dropping them off at home, so no clue as to whether they enjoyed it or not.
My knees are creaking and my back is aching. But its a good feeling nevertheless to know that I can do this if I need to. Do all this alone along with looking after a kid :-) Ego boost!!!
By the way, Happy Vishu. Njoi!!!!

of little boys and their dadas

2010-04-13T13:35:00.002+05:30

Yesterday night I was telling a bedtime story to a very restless Mowgli who absolutely refused to sleep.
"lion story venam" (Want lion story).
"Okay. Once upon a time, in a jungle, there was a baby lion called Mowgli lion. He had a mama and a dada and ..."
"Mowgli dada ebide?" (Where is Mowgli's dada?)
"Mowglinu dada venam." ( Mowgli wants his dada)
I mentally kicked myself for including a dada for the lion! #$#%##@! Thankfully distracted him with tales of how many cars and toys his dada will be getting for him blah blah blah..
The BH is travelling and his devoted son is missing him pretty badly. Day before yesterday, he woke up and told me " dada momo veetil poyi. car kalikua. mowgli screw koduthu. dada karayuva!" Roughly translated as his dada has gone to play cars with another friend and Mowgli gave him a good scolding, resulting in dada crying!
And to add to all this he wakes up with a fever today!!! I'm sure its psychological! Every time the BH is out, my son gets a fever or wakes up at 3 am and howls the place down!
I was told that sons are attached to their moms and daughters to their dads. Here its just the reverse!!!!
Waiting eagerly for the master of the house to get back!

Where did we go?

2010-03-29T17:30:00.001+05:30

Do you like spending time with me?
When you think of me, does it bring a smile to your face?
Do you plan to do stuff with me?
Do you like talking to me?
Do you like doing things with me?
Do you eagerly wait for me to get back from work?
Do you think of us growing old together?
Can you imagine us ten years hence?
Am I your life?
Does my smile make your heart light?
Do you love me?

Where am I and where are you? Together and yet apart. Friends hanging on a thin thread. Soul-mates lost somewhere in the maze of life.
I search for you, for the you I loved, for the you I fought for, for the you I want to spend my life with. Where are you?
Black clouds gather above us. Evil wishes hover around. I pick at beads, at holy water mumble the little prayers I know. Try to dispel the gloom. But maybe it is in us.
My hand looks for yours. For the comfort I feel, for the warmth. For that is love. If I could just feel so looking at two intertwined hands. One snug in the other.
My eyes look into yours. Where have you gone? The twinkle, the depth. Where did it go?
You.
Me.
Where did we go?

of cocktails!

2010-03-26T17:50:00.003+05:30

The BH calls me up at work.
"Do we have lime?"
"Why?" I'm multi tasking between two excel sheets and 3 ppt's. "Why? What are you going to make?"
"Going to make cocktails!" He is very excited!
"hmmmm... "
"Do we have mint?"
"Hmmmm, yes. I think so. At least we have the plant."
"Do we have muddle?"
This gets me! My fingers stop tapping away at the keys and he has my full attention. "What? What did you want?"
He repeats "Muddle. Will I get it in Spencers?"
I think I know what he is looking for. Suppressing a smile, I ask him to read out the recipie.
My very confident husband reads out " Add lime and mint and muddle"
!!!!!!!
I'm still laughing!

Indian Heritage Academy

2010-02-25T17:17:00.003+05:30

The BH wanted to learn to play the chenda. It is a Kerala style drum . We googled it, asked people about it, but hit a blank wall. Many months later I was talking about this during our evening chai session and one of the managers told me to go enquire at Indian Heritage Academy. This was the first time I was hearing about this place. Got their number, found out that they have a guy who teaches the Mridangam. And after that we did nothing! Finally last week, we decided to go see this place. I fell in love with it! It has anything and everything being taught. So while you walk about, there is a bharatanatyam class going on in one corner; another room you can hear the Saaaaa, Reee of a young crowd . A little further on there are painting classes, guitar, keyboard, most instruments and yes Kathak too! ( I’ve been looking for a good place to learn Kathak for the past couple of years) We looked at the timings and joined the two classes immediately. The BH has signed up for Mridangam classes and me for the Kathak Beginners Class. I wanted to put Mowgli in something, but he is too small for any of these. But when he grows up, he is definitely coming here!
It made me happy to do this. Maybe because I get this feeling sometimes that we are wasting our life away looking at excel sheets or just doing the same things over and over again. Are we doing the things that will matter to ourselves in the long run? And there is this tiny voice telling me to make time for these, coz the rest do not matter!!!

Beautiful Rappa

2010-02-25T16:33:00.006+05:30

We dream of estates and sprawling farmhouses. Dogs gamboling about in the background. Long walks. The works.
Last weekend we saw a place that came very close to our dreams. RAPPA. This is an eco-lodge about 25-30km away from Hassan. This was a trip we’d been planning since last year and for some reason or the other it never happened. For us when we started from Bangalore, there were no expectations. The only plus point as we saw it was that the guy who ran this place was very enthu about us bringing Cocoa. He’d told us laughingly “I’ve 3 dogs of my own here.”
The first sight that greeted us were three dogs sitting patiently under a tree looking at the approaching Bolero. The BH parked the car and got out to inquire about the place, a small spitz(very similar to a Pomeranian) hopped into the car! I opened the door and a gorgeous Irish setter sniffed around me soon followed by a Basset Hound. Mowgli was surprised and a little scared. Cocoa was completely scared. She just looked out of the window at all these funny creatures around me. And then the star of the place ambled in. A HUGE golden retriever! Absolutely CUTE. It was so amazing. All these dogs, really friendly not jumping at you or anything. They are just curious about ‘who are these people?” types. We soon forced Cocoa out of the car and Voila! The usual sniffing, growling etc etc happened and then all five were off!
The place as such is very basic. If you are looking for luxury or even The Jungle Lodges kind of cottage, then this is not the place for you. You have only the necessities here. Tents/machans equipped with just a bed. There is no fan/table/chair etc. There is a small bathroom with running water next to the tent. And then there is space. A WHOLE LOT OF IT! To walk, run, play cricket/football, laze around whatever you wish. This is basically on the bank of a reservoir. So during the summers, the water levels have receeded and then you have all that land lying there. The entire church in the below picture gets submerged during the monsoons. All you can see is the bell tower!We played in the waters, did kayaking, went for early morning walks, late evening walks, generally just roamed about enjoying the place. Cocoa went wild on seeing so much of place for her to run. She swam for the first time in her life seeing the other dogs do it so effortlessly and took to it within 5 minutes. So we were taking turns kayaking and cocoa would swim along with us. They also organize midnight treks etc, but since Mowgli was there with us we opted out of those. The above snap is Mowgli with the dogs. From left, Shunti the spitz, Brown the Irish Setter, Shadow, the Basset Hound lying down and Cocoa's tail! And in the first snap, thats me and Milo the huge golden retriever.

It is a great place to unwind, to hang out with a bunch of friends. And it is definitely a place we are going back to again and again!!!

"Every marriage has its own balance"

2010-02-24T15:59:00.003+05:30

said a colleague today. It struck me that amidst all the yin and yang and contradictions that drive and hold a marriage there is an internal rhythm. Something that keeps them together. This is maybe our balance:
I like the music to be LOUD, reverberating off the windows… You like it soft and soothing to the ear!
I like to curl up with a book. You like to cuddle up to the remote!
I like quiet evenings at home. You need at least three people around you.
You like outdoor games. I am content with Scrabble.
You have perfected the art of smiling at your foes. I am yet to stop myself from scowling at my enemies!
I love cats and dogs and squirrels and all animals. You draw the line at dogs and horses.
You are my backbone. I’m your conscience.

Tunes and lyrics!

2010-02-05T16:23:00.001+05:30

I grew up listening to an eclectic selection of music. My dad was a big fan of country music, elvis Presley, beatles, abba , Boney M and the like. My mom freaked out on Mohd Rafi, Koshore Kumar and old Malayalam songs. They were really poles apart J Music was a constant be it my mom listening to the radio when she was in the kitchen or my dad playing Elvis Presley at full volume at 11pm . That was his way of relaxing. Wonder what the neighbours thought! And unconsciously this is one gift that they both have given me! A love for music!
There is no particular genre, but different kinds of music for the different moods I’m in. English country music to cool me down when I’m in one of those highly frustrated moods. Old hindi songs to thoroughly enjoy that romantic/melancholy mood. Peppy numbers to get into that dancing/groovy kind of feel. Music when I’m working, music when I’m alone at home, music when I’m tensed, music when I’m happy. Songs that I love singing aloud to. Songs that I’ll never get bored of. Songs that remind me of my dad playing the guitar and singing in that high bass voice. Songs where I find myself wishing I could meet the lyricist and ask them 'How in the world did they write this!'
The one thing that I really really wish that Mowgli would pick up. Learn an instrument/learn Hindustani or Carnatic music. Be a Sivamani or a Bryan Adams :-)
Music is one great leveler- something that can soothe away every hurt and maybe like Time, music also heals…

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE

2010-01-28T17:47:00.003+05:30

GVE ME SOME SUNSHINE
GIVE ME SOME RAIN
GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE
I WANT TO GROW UP ONCE AGAIN!

So given a chance what will you do?

I for one will sit once more for the MBBS entrance examination and make sure I clear it. The feeling that I should have taken it once more instead of taking the easy way out (Engg) is getting reinforced again and again. I really really wish I could have been a doctor. I think I would have made a good doctor :-)

I would have continued with my dance classes. Not just left it because when I moved to a new town, I did not like my new teacher! After learning for 10 years, I should have taken it up professionally. Or at least pursued it regularly. For someone who can be so passionate about dancing, I really do not understand why I did what I did!

I would have ignored the small stuff! Not mentally tortured myself over every one of life's thorns.

Not many regrets when I look back, but the ones that are there are damn strong.

What about you? If given a second chance what would you do?

Aal izz well!

2010-01-28T17:46:00.001+05:30

A month has passed and the year has started to feel old. I’m trying to hold on to my resolutions.

Trying to rein in my impatience and to resist snapping at the BH and Mowgli. Have lately realized something strange. That the person I snap the least at is Cocoa in spite of how tiring it gets at times cleaning up the house after her. Daily vacuuming, washing her bathroom, the balconies, taking her out twice a day, mixing stuff in her food so that she finishes it (Yes! I’ve been blessed with two fussy eaters- Cocoa and Mowgli!), brushing her, bathing her. It’s a lot of back breaking work and if you add it to the other work that I already have then it sort of pushes me over the brim. But somehow, I’m gentler with cocoa- more than Mowgli I feel. Is it because she is mute and I feel that since she can’t speak, I must not hurt her or is it because of her undying devotion and love towards me irrespective of how I behave towards her. The happy lick at the end of the day, big paws resting on my chest, she never holds grudges, is always ready to greet me with a huge smile and a wagging tail- so unlike us!!!

The FRM results came. Didn’t clear it. It’s the first exam that I’ve flunked and it hurts the more for it. The BH is pushing me to write it again: his logic is that if I don’t clear it then it’s forever going to stay in my mind like a thorn. So I’ll give it again, but not this year. We frankly do not have that kind of money to waste this year and I’ll have to prepare more for this. It’s not going to work with managing a home, kid and office together. Maybe later on. I don’t know.

The bolero came and brought along with it a fresh wind of travel. We’ve been going on a lot of short drives this month and it becomes us J I like the space, the rugged feeling, the sense of adventure it brings with it! Mowgli loves it, he has captured the middle seats as his paradise. “Boleeeroill tata ponam” (want to go Tata in the Bolero) has become a steady phrase these days.

The paternal grandparents were here for a week and we are royally ignored. Where before I loved this break, this time it hurt! Pretty badly. It hurt that we didn’t get to hug Mowgli at all, he was not interested in talking to us, it just cemented that kids are indeed SELFISH! For him, it was like he got two people who were willing to play with him 24 hrs a day, switch on the Teebee (TV) whenever he wanted, did not force him to eat anything that he did not want and who catered to every whim and fancy. And having got them he just did not want to let them go! We could have used this as a great opportunity and ran off to do our own thing, but instead we sulked and slouched around.

On a happier note, I’ve started driving to work. After sitting on a license for close to 10 years, I’ve finally picked up my courage , ego and the car keys in that order! it’s been eventful to put it mildly. If you find a Maruti 800 going so slowly that pedestrians easily walk by , driven by a crazy lady who glares at the traffic and is seen mumbling to herself well, that’s me!

Another silver lining is Mowgli’s started speaking. Sentences. English, Malayalam, Hindi and Mowgli-speak. “Go to poori!” That is English at Mowgli level. He has picked up a lot of phrases and words from his daycare, from us, from God alone know where! So it’s a mix of English and Malayalam and Hindi with the words substituted wherever. So if he wants to go upstairs he says “Go to Mol” (mol is the shortened version of up in Malayalam). “ Come phasht”. In his world there is always a sense of urgency. There is no “come” it always has to be “come phasht” the faster the better. There are days he wakes up at three in the morning and says “Mowglinu book bayikaam” (Mowgli will read book now). Does he have exams at the daycare???? “Mowglinu Teebee kaanam” ( Mowgli will see the TV now) Note how there is no permission or question in his sentences. They are all orders delivered albeit with a smile! “Koko sit. Mowglinu moli keranam” (Cocoa, Sit. Mowgli wants to get on top of you) and the poor dog that she is obediently sits quietly while his highness clambers on top of her and pretends that he is riding a horse. I’m sure that if Cocoa could speak, one day she would ask God “Of all the houses in Bangalore, why this house? Why me? “ And the best of the lot! His favourite song is “maata kali” (masakali from Delhi 6) The moment the background music starts our man gets all excited saying maata kali maata kali!

All in all Life is happening J and the mantra this year is to LIVE!

Truth!

2010-01-13T09:24:00.000+05:30

"To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today"

‘Effective Parenting’ Ms.Kiranmai Choudary from Glen Doman’s Institutes.

Happy 2010!

2009-12-29T14:13:00.003+05:30

"Adventure calls. Blaze a new trail. Cross a continent. Dare to discover. Escape the routine. Find a fresh perspective. Go slow; gaze absentmindedly and savor every moment. Have some fun! Invest now in future memories. Journeys are the midwives of thought; Keep a journal. Leave prejudice and narrow mindedness behind. Make for the horizon and meet new people. Navigate the unknown. Observe, and open your mind. Pursue a road less traveled. Quest for truth. Rely on yourself. Sail away from the safe harbor; Take a risk. Unleash your curiosity. Venture further. Why wait? eXpect the unexpected. Say Yes to adventure….journey with Zeal!"

This is what I wish for myself and for everybody else.
A year filled with love and laughter and adventure. A year that you'll never want to end. A year where you will make memories that will last a lifetime. A year that will be cherished always. A super duper smashing year!
Have fun!
God Bless!

.

2009-12-28T16:07:00.001+05:30

I am my father

I am my mother

I am everything that I was scared to be

cheese cake?

2009-12-21T14:34:00.001+05:30

How do I make cheesecake? Creamy cheesy delicious ones???
Any easy recipies?

Living up to his namesake!

2009-12-02T17:59:00.002+05:30

Mowgli swinging on a make-shift punching bag that my mom hung in her kitchen!

My sweet son...

2009-11-30T13:19:00.004+05:30

was shy when he saw me again. took time to come to me. did a lion roar at me. tried to hide his joy and sadness in a number of ways. showed me all his new toys. talked to me non stop never once calling me mama. he had grown big. his hair had grown long. i couldn't get enough of him. after some time i scolded him for hitting me and that is when the tears erupted. 4 long weeks of being brave and he just exploded into wracking sobs. his tiny body shaking. upper lip trembling. all three of us hugged each other, the BH, Mowgli and I, and stayed that way for some time.
we are okay now. back to our routine. Mowgli took two days to finally call me mama. he would call call me ammamma, mamamma, kochu and everything else except mama. i don't know in his mind whether that insecurity of being left alone has gone. last evening we had gone out for dinner with friends and jokingly told Mowgli bye. he stared at us not saying anything watching us slowly walk away. and all the while his eyes filled up with tears, but not a sob escaped his lips. i felt so miserable seeing that. is it right for a two year old to control his emotions so much?
not sending Mowgli away for a long time. till he can understand that this is just a vacation and that always he will come back to mama and dada.
P.S. Cocoal on the other hand was overjoyed. Knocked us down. Licked and pawed us and peed everywhere in her excitement!

Thought for the day

2009-11-20T06:39:00.003+05:30

Home sweet home!

2009-11-16T11:03:00.003+05:30

Reached in one piece and yes, the baggage also reached!!!

Pretty eventful. Continental is the #^%^&&^@$@! airlines ever. Fought with them for over 15 min for the car seat. They refused to check it in saying that I need to pay $100. How much ever I argued that Emirates had allowed it, the refrain was : “Maam, If Emirates has allowed it then you should board the flight from Houston” . Finally they allowed to check it in free till Houston and then its my responsibility.
Then started on the baggage! One was 58 pounds and the other 65 pounds, both well within Emirate limits. Again they started off on their familiar refrain on how I should have checked in from Houston and blah blah blah. BY then I was fed up arguing with them and paid them 100$!!! ( My fingers r crossed hoping that office will reimburse it.)
Houston was great. The Emirates people were super cool. Checked in the car seat without any fuss and told me that Continental should have checked it in free from Austin itself. When I told them I had to pay extra for the baggage, they were pretty shocked and said that they have some alliance with Continental, therefore I should not have paid that amount!
Moral of the Story: Do not fly by any of the domestic US airlines. If you have no other choice then be prepared to fight it out !!!
Yes, I know there is an even better moral of not overloading your bags with stuff, but then that is debatable! :-)

Too much of a good thing!

2009-11-09T21:34:00.003+05:30

The novelty of relaxing has worn off.

The novelty of not having anyone around, but just me has worn off

The novelty of not having to answer to "mama" every ten minutes has worn off

The novelty of not having to search for keys/mobile/wallet that are mostly under the BH's nose has worn off

The novelty of not having to clean the house has worn off

The novelty of not having to make sure that Cocoa has a bone to chew on and there are no slippers/mats etc has worn off

I miss my family. I look at couples walking together hand in hand and I miss the BH. I look at kids wistfully. Just want to be with my baby who as of now is pretending that I do not exist.

Just a week more.

Thought for the day

2009-11-06T22:46:00.000+05:30

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard

MY SON WANTS TO BE A

2009-11-06T01:53:00.007+05:30

COCONUT TREE CLIMBER!!!

You will not find one house in Kerala that does not have a coconut tree! Every three-four months, there is a guy who is eagerly awaited by the ladies of the house. He will most always be a skinny guy, as thin as the trunk of a coconut tree. With utmost skill he will shimmy up the coconut tree and pluck and throw the coconuts down never once losing his balance. The only equipment that he has is a rope that is tied between his ankles. How he manages this, I don't know. As soon as he has climed the umpteen trees in the compund, the grateful lady of the house gives him tea and some coconuts as payment and tries to persuade him to stay and split the husks for her. Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. Finally the coconuts are gathered and stored in the dark store rooms where they stay till they metamorphize into delicious chutneys , coconut oil, grated coconuts for the thorans. You name it and we have coconut in it! They are distributed amongst family and out of towners (like us) who do not have a coconut tree. The BH grumbles about this , but I always get my supply of coconuts and coconut oil each time i visit Kerala. Yes, I know its available in Bangalore, but when it is freely available at home then why buy it?? If you hear him grumble you would think he carries the entire sack on his all the way to Blore!!!

Coming back to Mowgli, he saw this super interesting and completely new activity at the BH's place. And ever since then he is seen standing next to the coconut tree trying to climb it. and saying to the tree "Mowglinu jump" ( can be loosely translated as "Mowgli wants to jump on you")!!!

Time flies

2009-11-02T05:38:00.002+05:30

doesnt it?
I was going through some old posts and I'm surprised at how the time has gone. From Mowgli crawling around to now running/cycling around the house; of how our house used to be before we had Cocoa, of how our, the BH's and mine, thoughts have changed. The priorities.
Again and again I come back to this one thought! Of how much my boy has grown up in the past one year. And how much more in these four weeks I'm away from him. I talk to him over the phone and every day he says a new word. My mother in law tells me of how he is playing with a car, fighting with the birds, his broken english phrases and I feel so sad. How can I miss out even a day of his growing up?
Well, thats life for you!

I just had the most ridiculous conversation ever!

2009-10-31T18:15:00.007+05:30

Went down for breakfast and saw a guy from the same company. I was introduced to him yesterday evening, so for courtesy sake thought 'll join him. Wrong Wrong Wrong decision!

We got talking. Work, Austin etc etc. Then, he asked me about my background.

"***** from Kerala, ****** from Trichy". He looks at me for some time , then exclaims"Oh, you are a mallu?"

"Yes."

"Oh! How did you overcome your accent?"

What??? What the #$%^&*^%$#@! I smile at him politely and just leave the question unanswered. Anybody with half a brain can make out that I'm just being polite. bUt No, this guy just doesnt get it.

I mutter " Not all mallus have an accent!"

He smiles widely " Yes, Yes.. Like me!". So Mr. Indian-trying -hard-to-be-an-american is a mallu. He dismisses Kerala with a shrug and tries a drawl" I've been in Bangalore and US most of my life. Thankfully was out before I could develop that accent. I'm a seetisen now!" Its all I can do to not correct him. Its citiZen! not seetisen.

"So Have you been in Blore for a long time ?"

I say, "not much. just 5 years."

" Oh, so thats when you got rid of your mallu accent!"

I am ready to throw the waffles and syrup at him. I again force myself to smile politely and tell him, "No . This is how I used to speak before also. Have not consciously monitored and changed the way I speak". He still looks unconvinced. I am least bothered. I start gobbling my food trying to escape from this wierdo.

He starts talking about his family and we move into neutral subjects.

"I guess, the school that you went to, they removed your accent."

I try to smile, but I have gone past politeness. I just glare at him.

He still doesnt get it! "Tell me... What about your parents?Do they have an accent?"

What is his #%^$ problem? Arre yaar, isnt language a mode of communication? Everybody has an accent. Why will you assume that an American accent is better than a Bihari accent? Even he has an accent. There are time he tries to americanize his words and at times subconsciously his native accent does come through.

" My dad did his schooling etc outside Kerala. My mom spent her whole life in Keral. She started conversing in English when I was born and No, she doesnot have an accent!"

By this time I'm stuffed most of the food down my throat and am in serious danger of choking!

"Hmmmmm... So after school did you join any conversation course like spoken english?"

And thats it! I get up with my half finished plate, try a last attempt at a polite smile and ESCAPEEEEEEEEE!!!

Newsssssssss

2009-10-29T21:33:00.005+05:30

The latest update from Kerala is that there is a dire shortage of toys especially balls and balloons in the Thrissur district. There have been random sightings of an energetic boy tagging along two tired but very happy grand parents. The animals at the zoo have not yet recovered from yesterday's onslaught.
The love birds at home are scared to even say "chirp chirp" as each time they open their mouth, a small hand beats on the cage and says Chup! The frogs and fishies do not have it any better. The grand parents are blackmailed with a firm "Go to der". If by any chance they rebel and do not obey his highness's command, they are immediately brought under control by the magic words " mama... dada..". They tremble at the very thought of Mr.Mowgli becoming sad. And he knows that. He is gonna have a culture shock when he gets back to Blore! :-)
On the other hand, the blood pressure levels in Cochin district have come down after having shot up to astronomical levels due to Miss Cocoa going on a starvation strike. My dad says its because she was missing us. My mom says its because my dad tied her out in the sun for an hour for two days. She was given a royal treatment after that. AC bedroom, sausages to snack on, beef soup , and what not. She is fine ; relaxing and enjoying the five star treatment. She is also gonna have a culture shock when she gets back to Blore! :-)
P.s. She put her paws on my mom's shoulders and gave her a big lick. Gave my mom the scare of her life!!!

Big boy

2009-10-26T20:53:00.000+05:30

Dear Mowgli,
Today you cross another milestone. You are going to kerala all alone and will be with your grandparents for a month. This is the first time that we both will be staying away from each other. From the time you were born till yesterday we have been together. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the trip. You will meet a lot of people who love you a lot- your uncles and aunts and grand parents and great grand parents. You will not hear any NOs and DON’T DOs. It will be your rules that everybody will play to. You sure gonna have fun. Huge gardens to play about, a pond full of fish and frogs for you to fill up with stones, flowers to pick, cocoa to play with and balls of every size and fancy!
As I write this, your dada has just bid goodbye to you. You are right now in the train with your papa and uma. Its been two days since I left. Your dada tells me that you ask for me sometimes and sometimes you can be seen sitting silently with tears filling your eyes. There is no crying, no tantrums. Maybe those would have been better than these silent tears. Are you thinking that I’ve left you? Do you understand that I’ll be back soon? I’m also missing you a lot. In fact missing you so much that I’ve started having rosy memories of that DISASTROUS Canada trip. J
On a better note, you have been talking A LOT! You repeat everything that we say. And its so funny and so cute. You call me mama, amma,ammi and at times you call me by my name! dada is dada , and at times dada is also called by name. You know the names of most of our friends now and have coined nicknames for them which I really hope will last J coz they are so funny!
You have started playing with all your toys now. The lion that you were scared of, you now sit on it and treat it as a horse. The train that you would not sit on, you spend most of your waking times on it. Ramming it into cocoa, reversing it over my feet, racing it from the drawing room to the kitchen and at times upturning it and closely examining the wheels! You have learnt to open the fridge now and it’s the most irritating thing that you could have ever learnt. You take out stuff from the fridge, put in things or just leave the door open and stand there enjoying the coolness. This happens about 100 times a day! I am frantically searching for the keys, but till then you enjoy! Books are still a favourite. You like them so much that we are scared to show you a book after 8 pm. I had read about how parents should read to their children before bedtime. Well, we did start it, but you refused to let us close the book. Your dada had to sneak and turn the lights off and we pretended that it was a power cut. We have learnt better now. There will be no more bedtime stories for you, at least from a book. The ones which mama tells you with lots of animals and animal voices and no clear storyline, those will definitely continue. Food is as usual a strict NOOOOOOOOOOOO. You continue to survive on milk. Your dada has thought of this game where he pretends that you are a tiger and try to feed you stuff and you in turn bite his fingers since you are the tiger! A lot of mashed fingers later, half a chappathi goes into your mouth. Nobody is complaining. It could have been worse! We are yet to figure out the source of your energy. You still are hovering between the underweight and the ‘just- above-underweight’ graph. I have given your grandparents strict targets to bring you back all fattened up. They did look a wee bit worried at that goal.
You are growing up to be a regular Casanova. Its embarrassing to take you out, coz your corner the girls and hug and kiss them and don’t let them go. Its not just the girls, you hug all the kids that you see.
All in all, you are huge fun! Except when you get hyperactive and do not go to sleep since you will miss out on all earth shattering events that will happen in those 4-5 hours that you doze off. So it’s a cycle. Sleepy baby- refuses to drink milk as its a probable sedative- gets crankier by the minute- struggles to open eyes wide and continues to play- sleepier- crankier- this goes on and on and then suddenly we distract you with something and you just fall off to sleep!
I’m missing you a lot here. You have fun!
Lotsa luv,
Mama

Four years down.. Many more to go...

2009-10-22T19:12:00.006+05:30

Four years before, it was this day when we finally decided to forget everybody else's opinions and problems and just get married. When we vowed to take care of each other through thick and thin, through trials and sorrows, through life at each step.
When I was young, I had this very rosy idea of marriage. Of finding that one person with whom you share an entire lifetime. Of long walks and rainy evenings and coffee. Of talking and talking only to realize that its dawn. Of I don’t know what. A consequence of too much romance in my brain!
Then I went and married a guy’s guy. Meaning he is most comfortable with his friends. The strong silent types. The one who is a solid rock. For whom romance is an alien concept. Who prefers tea over coffee. (The ultimate sacrilege! Whoever heard of lovers romancing over tea???)
One thing I have realized in these four years is that marriage is not something as simple as just tying a thali and going about your life. There is a lot of work involved. So much is invested in this relationship. Both the partners are more vulnerable as there are no secrets. Every emotion is magnified here, be it the smallest of the smallest hurts or the simple joys. Marriage is something that gives you a lot of happiness and at the same time can give you a lot of pain as well. It requires you to be unconditional in your love which is the most difficult part. To love unconditionally; without expecting anything in return.
Today when I look back, most of my life’s happiest moments have been with the BH.
Of trips that we took and places we saw together. Of having ice cream late at night for no reason, but just because I felt so! Of being complete and content with life. Of being totally sure that whatever happens , this will be there. This relationship. To always fall back on.
He always made sure that I would never complain about lack of space in our relationship. For the 10 odd years that we have been together I have never ever felt stifled. Or that I was not “allowed” to do something. It is still strange when I hear friends talking about how they cannot wear certain outfits or go to certain places etc coz their husbands will not agree. Till date before doing something the thought that I need to ask permission has never crossed my mind. And this for me is the most important thing in any relationship. The freedom to be.
When I knew I was pregnant my first reaction was to howl and say that this is not the best time. I want to go to the Himalayas and how can I go with a baby! The BH consoled me saying that life doesn’t end with having a kid. It only gets richer and who said that you can’t do stuff after having children? He has kept his word. We still go on trips with Mowgli, eat out, have friends over and proceed to live our life as before. Yes, we have not yet gone to the Himalayas, but I’m sure we’ll get there :-) Maybe with Mowgli in tow! Who knows!!!
He is my most staunch supporter, my best advocate, my punching bag. The one person I turn to when I’m sad, the first person I push away when I’m down in the dumps, the one and only person who sees me as I am. In all my moods- good and bad; happy and sad. And still loves me for who I am. And that’s a lot! A HELLUVA LOT!
And today I have nothing more to say to you. Your actions say it all. That you will always be there for me; with me; and by my side.
And for that I thank Thee.

Cocoa less house

2009-10-21T14:45:00.007+05:30

There is something missing in our home. What could it be?

Is it the fact that the floor mats are there right in front of the door where they are supposed to be?

Or is it that we now wake up with the alarm clock instead of having 30 kgs jump on your bladder as a wake up call.

Or could be that the house looks unnaturally neat! No bones, no mess, everything where it is supposed to be

Or is it that the house is peaceful and quiet.

No ball of fur pushing you to the floor as you walk in a moment of affection. No expectant face sitting by the front door the moment the BH puts on his shoes. Nobody to lick you to death. No comfortable weight on your legs hogging the quilt at night. No welcoming bark. No welcoming tail whacks.

Its a sad and boring house without Cocoa :-(

[Cocoa when we got her at 2 months!]

And Now! Almost fully grown going to complete a year soon.

Tidbits

2009-10-19T15:26:00.004+05:30

Hectic would be a very mild word to describe the weekend that was!
Drove down to Cochin on Saturday. Spent Sunday visiting myriad relatives. Todaymorning drove back!
Am flying this Saturday. So left cocoa with my parents. She was looking a bit sad and left out, not understanding why we were going in the car and not taking her :-( Have given my parents a long list of instructions and Dos and Donts.
The BH’s parents have come back with us. They will be here for a week and will take Mowgli with them after I leave. The Bh will see him during the weekends. And once I am back we will go together and bring back both of them.
Mowgli was fine this weekend. Spending all his time with his grandparents. We sneaked off for a movie and he slept with my mom. Yesterday he slept with my in-laws. These are stuff that he hasn’t done till now. He has always needed me at night. With this, I guess I am being slowly pushed out. And as always this is both good and sad. Cant understand why all his milestones take him one step away from me!
A lot of people are waiting for the coming four weeks. There are so many plans being made that I doubt that 2 weeks at each place would be sufficient. Grandparents, Great grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins- so many people looking forward to seeing Mowgli. I remember I used to love my vacations because with my grandparents I was allowed to do everything and anything. I remember trips to the zoo, to the club, playing shuttle, reading books, swimming pool and being totally totally exhausted by the end of the day! Looks like Mowgli is going to enjoy this vacation. I hope he has fun and doesnt miss us a lot. ( Obviously I want him to miss us a little bit at least :-) The picture has Mowgli and my grand father)
FRM exam preparation is at an all time low. Its not going as fast as I had hoped. Most days I am too tired to actually wake up early the next morning and study. Counting on the three weeks in US to complete the entire stuff. The exams are a week after I get back. And after paying so much I’d better not fail!
And its been a year today. Yesterday I suddenly thought of what I would do if something happens to Mowgli when I’’m away. If I who have known for my son for just two years can feel so much of grief at just the thought of something happening to him, how much more is my chitta and chittapan undergoing right now? 19 years with their kid and in one cruel moment of fate everything taken away from them. I still remember my chitta crying out that day” If it was to take him away, then why did You ever give him to us?” It still hasn’t registered in my mind that is gone and I will never see him again. I keep on thinking that it is not possible. Wherever he is, hope he is happy and having fun.

...

2009-10-15T20:00:00.002+05:30

Have this urge to run and hold the BH and Mowgli and cocoa close to me. Something deep inside does not feel right... Nothing has happened that can explain this sudden fancy. Is it a mere fancy? Insecurity? Getting the feeling that somebody has turned an evil eye on my family...

Going crazy?

Mixed emotions

2009-10-14T20:26:00.002+05:30

I'm going to the US for three weeks on a business trip.
Right now I'm in a confused state wondering why I accepted it, how could I ever think that Mowgli will stay with his grand parents and a myriad more. He has never slept away from either of us. I seriously have no clue how he will cope.
The grand parents are super excited. Both sets will have him for two weeks. Plans are being made on how to have the most fun. A sad dada and miserable mama are not thinking about the four weeks.
Fingers are crossed. Hope Mowgli enjoys his first vacation.

Refreshed!

2009-10-06T19:13:00.004+05:30

What was that forward about having four friends and a cup of chai to create the best time of your life.
That was our weekend. Except that we were 12 ! 5 friends and their wives and two brothers thrown in.

One cottage in the hills.
Rain falling.. softly. Touching the greens and cooling the heart
Tea estates all around.
The heady fragrance of evergreen trees and eucalyptus and pine.
Bright flowers everywhere.
A pack of cards. Dumb charades.
Lots of love.
Picture perfect!
The trip was heavenly. It cleansed the system... The mind..Reminded me of the reasons why I fell in love with the BH. Helped each one of us to see beyond the errant husband/nagging wife. To once again notice the qualities that we liked and had been buried beyond the mundane chores of life. Friendships that were straining under whatever reasons were revived.

A lot of good memories.

The BH and I and Mowgli walking in the rain. Just us. Talking about I forgot what. All 12 of us crammed on to a single bed. Singing old songs. Laughing so much that tears came and my stomach hurt so much. Remembering the jokes later on the night and wake up laughing! Dumb charades with a twist! Mowgli running around royally pampered by one and all. Good food. Great weather. Great friends.
Heavenly!

[A baby tea picker]

[Tired. but very very happy.]

Firsts for me!

2009-09-24T17:36:00.004+05:30

The past few days have been a lot of firsts...
For me, not Mowgli.
The first night in 22 months that I slept away from Mowgli. He slept with my mom. It was not as bad as I thought.
The first time four generations were together in our home. My grand parents, my mom, us and Mowgli. It was wonderful. Felt happy, really really happy.
The first trip I took without Mowgli and the BH. Had to go to chennai and spent 24 hours away from them. It was not as good as I thought.

When did our lives become so intertwined? Each dependent on the other. The mood variations of one reflect on the other. Is this what it means to be a family?

My bestest birthday ever :-)

2009-09-24T17:15:00.002+05:30

One year older..
One year away from the dreaded thirties ( Why are they dreaded so much?)
And the BH surpassed himself.
Totally.
Absolutely.
Fully overdid it!!!

The previous night we stayed up and talked after a long time. Really talked. About what went wrong. What we did wrong. What we said and what we meant. It was a huge relief to clear up everything. I felt so free after that.
Woke up really early on my birthday. My mom was coming to spend the weekend. I rushed to the kitchen to get things ready and what do I see? A hand made card with beautiful words written by the BH himself propped up on the counter. I look back and see a grinning BH on the stairs. Then I notice there are some papers behind the card. A spa package for me :-) WOW!!!! I had been wanting to go for a massage for some time now and this was just right! The usual cake followed.
Flowers and jewellery from my sister in law, flowers from my friends, calls from everybody, messages. I was really really happy.
The spa was great. A full body massage, a body scrub and a facial. I came out of the place smelling like a perfume bottle!!! He had told the spa people that it was my birthday. So after the massage, everybody came to wish me and presented me with Roses again!!! I love fresh flowers and i had so much fun arranging the different bouquets in different rooms. each time i would pass a flower arrangement a smile would light up my face. Then we went shopping with my mom. The day was far from over. Dinner at Windsor Manor!!! And we again cut a totally yummy chocolate truffle cake.
I went to sleep totally exhausted.
Dear BH, this is how i want my birthdays to be :-) Hahahhaha :-) Yes, I know you are thinking that you can ride on this for the next five years. No Ways!!! I have got used to this style now.
Love you...Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmma

A long sad face

2009-09-17T17:00:00.002+05:30

is what Mowgli took with him to the daycare today.

In his world, today was a very very good day. He woke up next to his dada. Happily pulling and climbing on top of the BH and waking him up at 5.45. Yesterday he had woken up suddenly from his sleep shouting ' Dada', ' Chotu'. (p.s. Chotu is my sister's nickname). Guess he was missing his dad. The day got even better with his dada taking him to the terrace to see the birds. It was nice and sad to see him clinging to the BH the whole morning. When the BH is away, Mowgli never shows that he misses his dad. Doesnt ask about him, doesnt search for him. In fact behaves as if everything is normal. It is only when he comes back and you see Mowgli's happiness that you realize that he had indeed missed his dada a lot.

The day was full of surprises. At 8 am his velliamma and unni thettayi arrived. The two boys have a 2 yr age gap; Mowgli just loves playing with unni. True, unni is much more calmer and sensitive and less of a rowdy than yours truly; still they get on well. Sharing books and toys happens sometimes, lots of hugs and kisses by Mowgli and unni running away from all this show of affection, the kiss slowly turning into a bite, unni crying, Mowgli trying to look innocent, both of them running madly around the house, unni telling Mowgli a story, snatching toys from each other... An almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old.

After all this fun when it was time to go the daycare his face became sad and downcast.

'Mowgli, shall we go the day care?"

"Noooooooooooooo"

Absolutely no interest. He did not want his bag/shoes/nothing.

Drooping face. Totally sad expression. Half hearted mind.

this and that

2009-09-15T18:16:00.003+05:30

I spoke too soon about Mowgli being promoted! He cried and made such a fuss that they brought him down and have now left the decision to him. Every afternoon when I drop him there, his auntie asks him in the sweetest voice possible " Mowgli, shall we go up?" He refuses to budge under any circumstances. A very emphatic shaking of his head and points determinedly at the downstairs play area. I am !#$%$#@#@!@#!
The weekend was hectic with a couple of old friends and their babies staying over. And here again I observed another facet to my son. HE IS SHY!!!! This from the guy who goes around kissing random girls at airports, smiles at every passerby, bites every guest who comes to our place.. this is something new and totally unexpected. If its a huge gathering and there are other kids, he first refuses to leave me. Then he plays on his own away from the other kids. I felt very sad when I saw this. He has always been very friendly. Is this a growing up phase? He does come around after some time and does play with the other kids. But the first 10 minutes is spent clinging to my legs! And as always every behaviour trend that Mowgli shows I torture myself by asking " Would he have behaved this way if I spent all my time with him? Is it insecurity because we are sending him to a daycare?" Pointless questions, I know. But I still ask them.
He has also realized that by crying and whining he can get what he wants from MOST people! You have rightly guesses, we are seeing a LOT of tantrums and whining in the jungle house now. "This too shall pass" is what I tell myself hundred times a day!
Going on and on and on Mowgli is growing up FAAAAST!!!
P.s. You who visited here last week , read all my archives at one go and drop in daily, why dont you leave a comment??? Saying you like this or you do not like this?
Why? Why? Why?

Promoted!

2009-09-09T18:50:00.003+05:30

Mowgli. Not me!!!
Today he has been moved to the Toddler section in his day care. Till yesterday he was an infant!!! ( How anybody could call that little imp an infant is beyond me... but whatever..)
As usual, he reacts to very change by crying out loud, waiting to see whether they will change their minds and put him back. After five minutes whne he saw that was not happening, he immediately settled in and started playing with the toys! So now, he will have activities to do like painting, making stuff etc etc. And hopefully soon our fridge door will proudly display his art works.
His daycare aunty says " From being the dada and bossing everybody around in the infants section, he will now have to learn to be the smallest in the toddler's section".. From what I know of my son, it will not be too soon before he starts his dadagiri in the toddler's section alos. He was never one to worry abt size and age :-)
I was arguing with them that he is 18 months and suddenly it struck me he will be two in Nov. That means he is 22 months!!! The terrible two's are nearing!!!!
My small boy is growing up :-(

Orkut says...

2009-09-04T16:12:00.003+05:30

" THE WEAK CAN NEVER FORGIVE. FORGIVENESS IS THE ATTRIBUTE OF THE STRONG. "
Its disturbing to read this. Making me think how strong the BH is.
How much more strong my mother in law is. To forgive and forget so simply. To accept that peoples actions are governed by God and to forgive them for all the pains they have caused and not bear petty grievances.
For me it is a battle. I like to think I forgive and move on, but have lately
realized that what I do is bundle everything deep inside and try not to think
about it. That is neither forgiving nor forgetting. Am I that weak???

Things to do

2009-09-03T18:27:00.004+05:30

Last sunday, the BH got into one of his "I am a great husband" moods and took me mud shopping. Yes, thats what we did. Piled three sacks into our car and then scouted along the highway searching for mud! And we did hit pay dirt :-) Two sacks of red mud and one sack of sand now stand proudly on my balcony waiting for the weekend to arrive. A couple of plants need to be divided and repotted. The lilies have to go into a bigger pot. I want to buy some more new plants and new pots and planters. Vegetable gardening will have to wait. I dont think I have enough space. For the time being concentrating solely on the flowers and the leafy plants. Want to totally revamp the balcony.If I cant get them to re-do my balcony, I'll do it myself with whatever creative juices I have.
The compost bin is behaving very nicely. The first bin is almost full. It will take a month or more to get the compost. It is really a great thing. After using this, I now have so much less garbage to throw out. Earlier the maid used to clear the garbage every day, now its reduced to once in three/four days. That too is because of the plastic covers. Need to check with my newspaper raddiwala whether they will take old plastic covers/bottles/milk packets etc. If everybody could use this at home, there would be so less garbage on the roads and the city would be less polluted. It seems to be an ideal waste management technique. There is no strong stink, flies are less because the waste is fully covered. Ants are there ; but since it is out on the balcony I am ignoring them for the time being.
Registered for FRM. The exam is on Nov 21 ; i have three months to prepare. Starting tomorrow the grind starts again. After 5 years, I am again getting back to books. Yesterday evening while I was away at work, the BH cleared up an entire table for me to use as my study table. Yes, he is very sweet that ways. Now there are no more excuses to postpone the preparations. I have the study material, the syllabus, have paid the fees ( HUGE incentive) and have told the world that I am appearing for theis exam. All that remains is to pass :-)
We are planning to start a low carbohydrates diet from tomorrow for a month. I am going to go to the office gym and the BH is joining Kickboxing classes. That and the strict diet should ensure that we welcome the new year leaner, healthier and fit.
It seems like a lot of new beginnings and things finally getting ticked off from my mental To-Do lists.

Of advice and dreams

2009-09-02T15:51:00.002+05:30

Got this from Metrodad.
What advice do you want to pass on to your kids? What's the one life lesson that you wished someone had taught you earlier? What's the best piece of advice you ever received from your parents?
And I thought and thought and thought. Yes, I'll be eating Mowgli's head with non stop advice and stuff, but in the long run this is what i want for him.
1. Live life king size. Do whatever your heart wants to do and do it NOW. There is no other better time. The opportunity might not come again. Life will not stop and wait for you at each junction. So grab the chances NOW.
2. Play without the fear of losing. Even if this sounds clichéd, life is not about winning or losing. It’s the game that’s more important
3. Learn any musical instrument. When the going gets tough, music always helps.
4. Laugh at your mistakes and laugh at yourself.
5. Friends are friends and family is family. Some will seep from one to the other, but not all. Treat them accordingly
6. Have a hobby and nurture it over the years
7. Love this planet and do your best for it
8. Dream big. And work on your dreams. Hard work and dreams together can create magic.
9. Whatever happens know that we are always there for you. Always
10. There is a God. And there are no unanswered prayers. Sometimes the answer is just NO

The "INNOCENT" devils!

2009-08-27T17:22:00.005+05:30

Mr. Mowgli boy.

Miss. Cocoa girl

On the brink of losing my sanity…

2009-08-27T17:13:00.002+05:30

The BH has gone on a three day tour to the north east. The house is in a mess. Cocoa and Mowgli are at their hyperactive best! The first day I came home to see Mowgli’s stuffed gorilla lying on the floor with all the stuffing out on the floor!!! Cocoa got a stern warning. Yesterday I had full day training, so Cocoa was alone the whole day. I went home to see the mattress on the diwan ripped apart and the cotton scattered over the floor. Cocoa had the good sense to look at me sheepishly. A loud and totally incoherent screaming match started. Cocoa was locked in the balcony as punishment. Peace reigned for about five minutes. I cleaned up the mess and Mr. “Hyperactive is my middle name” Mowgli started his act. Whining, clinging to my leg and repeatedly asking for Ammm. He threw the first plate on the ground and got a nice spank for it. Cried for an egg. As soon as I made it, he started asking for maggi. I was exhausted after my full day training. I just wanted to take a long hot bath and go sit somewhere quiet away from all this noise! To ease everybody down all of us went to the terrace to play for some time. Cocoa ran about like she was mad. I felt really sorry for her. Cooped up in the house for a whole day. It must have been so frustrating for her. We came down half an hour later. Everybody had calmed down a little.
And then again Mowgli started. He was tired and cranky refusing to eat, drink or sleep. A long hour later in which I tried all the tricks in the book and some more he finally slept! I had not had breakfast, a sad lunch and no tea. Settled down at 9.00 pm for the first proper meal of the day. I was ready to cry. Times like this when I wish I was with my parents. Somebody to see that you eat, somebody else to cook, somebody who sees that you relax…
And then I started office work- as the whole day was spent in training.
Today is no better. Cocoa in a burst of love and affection jumped on me in the morning and upset an entire cup of tea over me! Mowgli refused to have breakfast! Cocoa ran away in the terrace and would not come when called. I have a full day training again today. Today also i fought with all the auto drivers and had to walk 2km carrying Mowgli and a laptop!
The BH calls me regularly and the conversation goes like this:
BH: *sounds of TV in the background* This place is amazingly beautiful. We should come here sometime for a holiday.
Me: *resignedly looks at Mowgli trying to pull Cocoa’s eyes out! * Hmmmm.
BH: I will be there today evening. Around 8pm.
Me: That is evening???? That is bloody night time! * Voice reaches hysterical pitch*
BH: What happened? Why aren’t you talking properly? Are you missing me?
Me: #@$%^&*^%$#@

Euphemism

2009-08-24T14:20:00.001+05:30

" A euphemism is a substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression in place of one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listeneror in the case of doublespeak, to make it less troublesome for the speaker."

A colleague of mine whom I’ve known for the past 5 years told me I need to develop this skill if I ever hope to be promoted.
I am known for being blunt. That and not being a part of office politics- two things I’ve prided myself in my professional life. I say it like it is. If it is good, I will be the first person to tell you it’s excellent and yet again when it’s bad I will be the first person to dump it. I really don’t see any logic in praising a bad product. If the product is good, even if it’s done by my worst enemy I will appreciate it.
So yesterday I and my friend were talking and we were discussing a very senior manager who is quite loud and blunt and not liked by the majority. Yes, he is good technically, but his tongue is quite sharp! And to be compared to him was OUCH!!! I have never looked for popularity. I frankly don’t care whether you like me or not. But I do care that you find me rude. Or that you think I’m arrogant. Coz I’m not.
I do try to be diplomatic; it’s not something that comes out easily I have to really work at it. Think before I speak. In my previous company, this was not a problem because you were solely judged based on your work. When there are only 5 members in your team and if you do the work in half the time who cares for diplomacy!!!
But here it is a different story. It’s a huge organization and to get promoted you have to depend not only on your technical skills, but also on your networking skills. Yes, I’m poor at that also. I am friendly, talk to people I like and ignore the rest! I will not smile at a manager whom I do not respect and grovel at his feet. I will not do that. So what are the pitfalls? I am seen as somebody who is not approachable. As somebody who is very arrogant. Can I change? I intend to try. As a step, I will count to ten before I give an opinion at any team meeting. Try to tone down my speech. The groveling part cannot be done and will not be done. The rest I will try!
What is the purpose of this post? I really do not know. It’s an attempt to be more truthful about my feelings. I may appear to be an extrovert, but there are a lot of things bottled up inside which I think needs to be taken out, aired and then thrown away. The trouble with me is storing all these petty petty things and creating a dump pile inside. It’s a small attempt to take a look at me inside and first try to change myself instead of finding fault with others.
Pray for me.

The holiday that wasn’t!!!

2009-08-20T16:58:00.009+05:30

Friday night 9.00 pm: Three of us happily trotted into the airport bound cab. A very tired BH and I and a hyper Mowgli who had slept the entire evening. Good, we said. He will play till 2 am and once he gets into the flight he’ll just drop off.
4.00 am: Cramped Lufthansa flight. Bleary eyed parents with hyperactive kid. Kid has downed three bottles of milk and still not showing any signs of sleep. The BH constantly reminding me not to lose my temper and slap him coz we don’t want to go to jail for child abuse! How do you entertain a 20 month old for a 9 hour flight!!!! We pored over his sticker book for hours, tried to make funny faces, gave him more and more bottle of milk so that he would sleep, threatened him, pleaded with him and finally just an hour before we landed, he slept!!!Only to wake up as soon as the flight landed at Frankfurt! This was how our holiday (that we had been looking forward to for so long) began and this was how it was for most of it! Never before have I been so physically exhausted from lack of sleep. On reaching Canada the time zones and jet lag took over. So Mowgli would get up at 1.00 am at night and then play till 5.00 am and we would again be struggling with sleep the entire day. Somehow the word I associate most with this holiday was SLEEP! Mowgli baby, we thought this trip would be an experience for you! Sweetie, it turned out to be an EXPERIENCE for us. The next international trip we’ll take together will be when you turn 18! Ciao!

Now to the good part. The place was lovely, the weather was superb and it was just three of us the entire week. It has been quite a long time since we have taken a holiday, just us. Our room had two lovely bay windows- one facing the mountains and the other facing the woods and the river.

Our days started pretty early thanks to Mr.Mowgli. Breakfast was yummy yummy .Buffet breakfast with a huge spread- breads, mini Danish, doughnuts, cold cuts, bacon, sausages, omlettes,cereals, puddings and fruits. I as usual went berserk. All these are my favourites and I just love them. Huge strawberries and juicy juicy peaches to complete the meal. The BH watched me in shock gobbling up the entire menu and again finding the strength to go pile up on strawberries. After the initial shock wore off, he was amused, I think!
Then we would come back to the room, change and go f or a long walk.

There were a lot of trails behind the hotel, one leading to the waterfalls, one along the river, one just in the woods. It was fun.

Mowgli thoroughly enjoyed himself playing peekaboo with the squirrels and chipmunks, putting his hand into their holes and yelling ‘KIRREL KIRREL’ at the top of his voice.

He loved the horses also and the dogs that were there everywhere.
The awards function was great. Both the boys looked awesome- Mowgli in his black suit and the BH in his tuxedo!
And the usual antics of Mowgli. Tried to pull the hair of the CEO's wife! ( it was a close miss!); Was horrible for the formal dinners. Hello! I cant manage him when there is one fork an done spoon on the table. They had THREE forks, THREE spoons, THREE knives and THREE glasses!!! It was Mowgli's idea of heaven. Kissed all the girls in the airport. He would first run and stand next to them, slowly put a hand on them. the parents would immediately exclaim " Oh, what a cute boy,baby" . That was his cue. Hug the baby girl right there. It was great entertainment for everybody in the airport!

So here are the photos and I am off to buy that cottage and estate in the hills. I think I am a much better person in the hils than on the plains :-) The BH has been heard starting all his sentences with " When you were in Canada you were not like this" ;-) Get me that house and estate in the hills sweetie. I will always be good to you *devilish grin
Yes, this is how a squirrel eats!

Dad and son looking at the babes!

Dada.. Ollollu ollollu.. ( Water!)

Cozy threesome.

Blah. blah blah

2009-08-18T17:59:00.000+05:30

We have been back and its been one thing after the other. The trip was so tiring that all we did on the first weekend was sleep sleep and then sleep some more. Then it was a week of illness. The BH got it first, bad cold and chest congestion. Mowgli followed it up with a hunger strike and fever and cold. I rounded up the series with a bad sinus attack. We have been resting and things are looking better.
Went to Daily dump and bought their compost bin. I am always thinking about the environment and how to better it and stuff, so this is a good time to start off on what I believe. Day one and two went fine. The waste is in it and its covered with paper. Can’t see any worms as of now. I just hope it is manageable and doesn’t stink!
Went for a birthday party last Saturday and got a culture shock. A 4 year old girl playing with her balloon, misses it and exclaims ‘Oh shit!’. There are other people around, but nobody seems to have noticed or is this the norm? A cousin’s wife tells me that her students’ in third and fourth standards regularly swear in class! ‘Shit’ is something ordinary. As long as they don’t use the F word, the teachers don’t reprimand them. My manager tells me about a conversation he overheard between two 6 year olds. ‘Don’t play with X, his dad has only a Zen!’
Are these the new generation? Brand conscious, materialistic, bad language; kids do not even behave like kids anymore. Any mall that I go to, I hardly see kids dressed like kids. The girls are mostly always in satin or tight dresses like those item dancers wear and high heels and matching accessories. Whatever happened to good old jeans/simple frocks or just normal clothes? I used to blame the parents, but now I realize that even the kids are very particular about what they wear etc. Hello, kindergarten kids suffer from peer pressure!
As of now, I do not want to expose Mowgli to TV. I want him to learn to read/paint or learn to occupy himself and not just mindlessly sit in front of the TV. NO branded stuff for him till he clears his tenth. You tell me, what’s the logic in getting a 13 year old Reebok shoes worth 3000/- which he’ll definitely outgrow in a year? I want him to go on walks, play outside, do other stuff rather than watch TV. As always parents propose and the child disposes. Time will tell how successful I am. But whatever it is this is one fight I am not letting go that easily!!!

It’s THE day!

2009-07-31T15:52:00.001+05:30

After all the slogging and the tension that the BH had to endure he did achieve 105% of his target last year and therefore we are off to Canada today! ( every year the top 15 worldwide performersand their family get to spend a week in a resort all expenses paid) its something we have been looking forward from April and now we are finally there.
Clothes have been bought and attires decided. They have a formal dinner every night and a lot of activities planned for the group. Got Mowgli a suit (his first one!) to match his dad’s tuxedo (his first one!!!) I searched low and high for a dress that would look nice on my figure (or lack of!) and came away disappointed. So the sari it is for the formal awards night. The rest is all casual.
And as the grand finale, Mr.Mowgli has been coughing and throwing up since last night. Totally bad timing! We have been assured by the doctor that its all fine. Its just the phlegm coming out! To be on the safer side she has prescribed antibiotics.
Took cocoa to the boarding, coz theres nobody here to look after her when we are gone. The feeling was very similar to the first time we took mowgli to his day care! The place looks nice. There are a lot of dogs there.we have given that guy a whole lot of instructions. Have also told cocoa to behave and not to mingle with the rowdy rajapalayam and the snooty boxer and have reminded her that she is a girl and its better she keeps to herself! :-) Poor thing! Will she feel that we have abandoned her and gone away????
And that’s it! We are off!
Tata :-)

To the BH

2009-07-30T13:10:00.005+05:30

For the memories and moments and happiness...

Perhaps Love - John Denver & Placido Domingo

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you....

P.S. Go listen to this song!

Thou shalt not compare

2009-07-27T16:06:00.001+05:30

Oooh? How old is he? Really? He looks so big . Slyly nudges the spouse and whispering- how can it be? Look at his legs and hands? So strong.
What do you feed him? Oh, only home made food? Does he eat well? Really? Meat/eggs?
And what about his hair? Do you use a special shampoo? Or natural shampoos? What about the oiling / combing? How often do you brush him?
Doctor? Which doctor do you take him to? Is he good?
Oh, no no nothing like that. He is such a cutie pie. Was just asking.
And then a long session in the car- what are we doing wrong. She is only half that size. And that one is three months younger also!! Maybe we should give some supplements? Shall we change the doctor? Did you see the colour of his hair? Such a rich tinge. What are we doing wrong? Why isn’t she like him?
There is a hint of remorse as to how could this have happened. Something went wrong somewhere…
We don’t do this with Mowgli.
Then WHY do we this with Cocoa? Compare her to every damn golden retriever we see!!!!

The chota bridegroom

2009-07-15T14:42:00.002+05:30

Will he look as cute as this 24 years down the lane???

And we waste time just like that not knowing how much we have!

2009-07-13T15:41:00.002+05:30

The fools that we are.

A college mate died today. Brain tumor. It was discovered quite late. He was not a friend, at least not a close one. We were together in an extracurricular group and had interacted quite frequently. Furthermore he had had a huge crush on one of my friends, so knew him that ways also.
He was my age. 29 years old. Is that an age to die? When your entire life is before you. He left behind a pregnant wife. I cannot even imagine how she would be feeling. How will his child grow up? I look at mowgli surrounded by so much love. From us. From our extended family, friends, relatives. He is totally pampered in that ways. What did that poor child do to deserve this fate?
It again reminds me of him.
Of life being unfair.
Of us whom life has decided to bless. How do we treat this gift? Do we treasure it and live life to its fullest? Or do we sit and waste it away? Only to regret it later!
Squabbling about petty things. Worrying about money and bank balances. Bothered about the opinions and verdicts that others have about us and our kids. Dreaming big and then filing away these dreams in a locked box where they’re never allowed to see the light of the day.
When will it get into our dumb heads that life will go on and we have to make the most of it today.
Now.

So whats the little man saying these days?

2009-07-07T17:42:00.002+05:30

Nooooooooooo - For NO. Accompanied by persistent shaking of the head and a stern finger wagging No.
Mama,Dada - His slaves
Cocooo - Cocoa. He funnily does not know how to stop at one ‘o’. He has to drag it out ’ooooooo’
Ollollu - Water. Don’t ask me how it is related J
Goooooo - Go away and don’t disturb me
Baa - Come. Accompanied by a sole finger gesturing you to come near.
Taa - Give it to me right now
Ina - Here, take it and go.
Duddu – That elixir in the bottle. The one stop solution for everything
Meh – Any female other than me
Da – Any male other than his dad
Buaa – His bua and conspirator in crime
Paapa and Uma - His paternal grandparents His champions and fan club lifetime members. His paternal grandparents.
Baaba – Any child, older or younger than him
Bow bow – Dog
Kaat – for Cat
Amm – Food with a capital F.
Boh - Ball/bat/balloon
Deep Groan and pushing face – Either potty time or just wants to go play in the water. More the latter
Pua – Shall we go? Often said when he sees or senses any family member about to leave the house. He runs to the door with his shoes and waits there for the concerned person to take him and go out.
Tata, Bayeeee – tata bye bye. And please take me along with you.
And a whole lot of gibberish. Where he seems to be fighting with us, complaining about one to the other, getting irritated because we are so ignorant and not able to understand what he is saying.
I waited so eagerly for him to start walking and now he just doesn't stop! So having derived that experience I am in no hurry for him to start speaking coherently. This ngfugynmvu is cool enough :-)

A super duper smashing rolling weekend!!!!

2009-07-07T16:35:00.001+05:30

P and his wife S had come down from Cochin. This was an occasion for all of us to get together. It was after such a looooooooooooong time that all eight of us were together again that for the time being all differences and hurts were swept under the carpet. What did we do? Ate. Slept. Talked. Tried out two new restaurants. Lebanese at the World cuisine network and Café Terra for their breakfasts. The latter was great. I see myself going back there again J
Saturday night, the BH made beef roast. Mowgli slept at 8pm like a very good boy and therefore i had a really good time. We talked and talked till 1 in the morning. It has been so long since we did it. Reliving our college days. Before marriage Bangalore adventures. Gossiping about old friends and foes and how many have moved in between the categories. This time around there was a new topic of conversation. In-laws! Now that all of us are married everybody had something to say about spouses and in-laws and relatives. The guys cribbed about their wives and S and I made fun of our husbands. S had a great time listening firsthand to all of P’s performances in college. I guess we supplied her with a lot of fodder for future blackmail and leg pulling J Poor P!
It made me nostalgic, very nostalgic. Not just me but everybody. It was like a realization to us as in ‘see, how much have you guys changed!’ I think we should do this more often. Like get together every month or so and just talk. We have made plans for this New Year. Book a cottage somewhere and chill just like how we did in 2006.
It is so easy to get carried away in the rush.
It takes so little time to stop and smell the roses.
Why don’t we stop then?

Time out?

2009-07-06T17:57:00.005+05:30

Gimme more!

I just love them :-)

Mowgli threw a tantrum and started throwing his toys at us. The BH got mad and made him stand in a corner with his arms folded. And believe it or not the little imp was actually loving it!!!! he threw a couple of poses, sat after a while and then just refused to come out of the corner!!!!

What do I do with this chota shaitan????

“He is completely fine now.” She smiled at me.

2009-07-01T15:08:00.000+05:30

She is Mowgli’s day care aunty. I smiled back. Grinned would be a better word. It was a 75 mm smile of pure relief and finally happiness.
In the initial days I just couldn’t believe that for somebody so outgoing it took 10 weeks to finally adjust to day care!!! He is the first kid over there who has taken this long. That battle is over. He has finally agreed to play with the other kids. Allows the girls to carry him. Has moved in to the toys section from the sand pit. Walks to the BH with his bag in the evening. Runs to me smiling when I come back from office.
Other than these he has also sorted out a couple of other things. He is again back to liking me. Yayyyyyyyyyyy! That phase of clinging to the BH for everything is FINALLY over. He now understands that I will come back at night and that the BH goes away in the mornings. So no tears and tantrums when the BH leaves. We now kiss the BH bye and say cheers to him and happily close the door!
The worst fear I had when Mowgli started day care was that he would lose his mischievousness and maybe become too insecure about people. Both my fears have been proved baseless. He is still the same old naughty imp that he was before. The insecurity was there in the beginning, but it has also passed.
Touchwood and I cross my fingers!
p.s. Mowgli’s mom is still grinning!

Who are you guys?

2009-06-24T17:53:00.001+05:30

Reading my blog??????
Will thou please take a few minutes to delurk and tell me who you are?
I am curious, you see.
Please humour me.
Please?

Back and feeling so much better.

2009-06-24T17:49:00.000+05:30

It was viral fever and the head aches were sinus realted ones and everything is under control now with the proper medication and steam inhalation. I really don’t know why I was so dumb or block headed to suffer for more than two weeks. Every day in office by about 4/5 I would start shivering. Then the pain in my head would start. I would be unable to look at the screen or concentrate on the work. I was also getting dizzy at times. And the moron that I am it never actually occurred to me that it could be because I am not well. I was thinking that maybe I’m going into some depression or else the headaches were psychological. Why I behaved in such an illogical way and suffered so much pain is beyond me?
Finally when the headaches got really worse and the pain started bringing tears to my eyes at night, I thought enough is enough. I need to go see a doctor. Or better still finally I called my dad! (Now don’t start off on why I didn’t call him earlier!! As I said I was not sane!) He prescribed antibiotics, told me I had sinus (!). I took the medicines and went to office thinking that all will be well. After some time I very nearly fainted. A colleague rushed me to the medical; room to check my BP. Everything was normal thankfully. Just a fever. The BH came and picked me up from office. I just went home and crashed. That day and the next day is a haze. I just remember sleeping and sleeping and sleeping.
Alls well that ends well./ I have learnt my lesson here. If not well call appa immediately!!!
And peace returns to the jungle house.

Can the doctor prescribe it?

2009-06-22T20:28:00.000+05:30

‘My back is aching’, she says.
‘Hmmm’. He tiredly presses it for her.
‘My feet are so tired. I cannot sleep’
He rubs her feet with some oil and massages it.
‘My head is paining. Can you rub some balm? ‘He half-heartedly rubs the balm grumbling that she is always complaining about aches and pains these days.
‘My shoulder is hurting. I cant move it. ‘
‘My eyes hurt from staring at the screen for so long.’
‘My heels have cracked again and its painful to walk’.
‘We need to go see a doctor for all these pains. It is becoming a daily routine these days.’ He mutters half asleep.
She looks at him in the darkness and says in her mind. ‘I do not need a doctor. I need love.’

One small step forward and two mighty steps back!

2009-06-16T20:34:00.000+05:30

It is so easy to go back into depression. When things return to square one. When whatever you do is the ‘wrong’ thing to do. There are times when I can fool myself that yes life is good. The bad phase is over. We can look forward to happy times. And it takes just one word or a look to bring back the desperations and frustrations. Its not just me. It’s the BH also. I know he is mighty sad about the accident and we losing almost our entire savings to repair it. But…. When do we get our lives back?
Listening to Maa from Taare Zameen Par and feel like crying.
I miss the BH. Not the one who currently lives with me. But the one I fell in love with and wanted to get married and grow old together. I am sure the BH is also missing me. Not the present me, but the 23 year old me who was full of life and for whom everything was possible. The present one is only a shadow of the past!

Sob sob...

2009-06-12T16:35:00.000+05:30

Hi folks. Its been a long time since you heard from me. Well, what with the lady of the house deciding to go back to work it has been a tumultuous period for all. How am I coping, you ask? Surviving. Barely surviving. A lot of things that I took for granted have disappeared now.
After that #$@#@$#$%% man slammed into our car, a lot of things have changed in my life. You know the daily walks that were the joy of my day. It was such a perfect start to the day to just run around that lovely park, dig up that dirty mud, growl at the mean dogs (I always used to check that the master/lady had a stone before growling. No life threatening risks, right?). And the best part was when they let me off that horrible leash and I could just run and run and run. Heavenly. There’s nothing like a good run to expend all that energy and to build up a good appetite. The lady of the house keeps on complaining that I’m not eating well these days. If she would ask me I could have told her, it’s the lack of exercise. After all how much can I run inside the house and over the diwan and around the table? I understand that it’s not their fault, they have had to borrow cars from their friends and it’s not possible to take me in those cars. I shed a lot, you see. And ever since Mr.Mowgli hid the nozzle of the vacuum cleaner the master does not even have the option of cleaning the car after I go in it. I tell them ‘No Worries.’
What hurts me more is that everybody is so concerned about how that little imp Mowgli is adjusting. Hello! I am younger than him, okay. Somebody ask me also how I am doing! The lady of the house sometimes asks me, but I could do with a lot more pampering, folks. You see, I thrive on love and attention. Boy, you should have seen her today morning. She was almost ready to kill me!!! Now, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t do anything. Just ripped a quilt into pieces. It was great fun J and yes last week I chewed up about four hawai slippers and three good shoes. Me was bored. That’s it. They just make a big hue and cry about all these. What about Mr.Mowgli breaking those three nice cups? That, nobody has a problem with.
It’s a dog’s world after all!!!

Hers.

2009-06-09T20:20:00.001+05:30

They sleep together. On one end is the youngest and he takes up the space for two grown-ups. With arms splayed and most of the time horizontal, he is at his cutest. Fast asleep. Sometimes he smiles, sometimes he frowns. Wonder what he dreams of? Next to him is the woman and next to her the man. She is squashed in between the two. She tosses and turns throughout the night. Turning from left to right. At times hugging the small one, muttering prayers in his ears, holding his little feet and tiny fingers reveling in how they feel in her hands. At time she turns to the man. Hugging him close. Smelling his hair. Burrowing her cold feet under his always warm feet. Deriving strength from that strong and solid persona. In some ways that is how her life is. Her time and space divided between the two. The dog comes back from her rounds and jumps on the forbidden bed. Finds a cozy place on the quilt. Rests her head on the first available ankle and sighs a blissful sigh. The woman is partly awake partly asleep. The day that was and the day to be run through her subconscious mind. At some point in the night she drops off conscious of the man’s and the child’s hands on her stomach. One big rough hand. One tiny baby soft hand. Her family. She has fought hard for him and together they have brought the other. She drifts off with the last thoughts of the day being that of them. Her man and her child. Hers. Totally.

You used to

2009-06-08T15:34:00.002+05:30

You used to begin the day by hugging me. It just had to be me.
Your eyes used to light up when you would see me after I had disappeared for a couple of hours
You used to come running after me wanting me to hug you and hold you after I had scolded you or given you a small spank
You used to cling to me when you wanted to sleep
You used to hug me tight whenever you were tired
How much ever I screamed at you or scolded you, I was still your favourite
You used to hate it if somebody else other than me hugged you at night.
You used to love playing with me.
You used to be a perfect mama’s boy.
You used to run to me for everything you wanted
You used to say ‘mama’ a thousand times a day
You used to be mine. Exclusively.

You used to ‘love’ me.
Why do I get the feeling that you don’t now?

Do you see me as the evil mother who leaves you with other people and walks away without a backward glance?

30 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I TURN 30

2009-06-05T16:59:00.003+05:30

1. Stand on the Himalayas (any of the top 10 peaks!)
2. Get a tattoo- preferably of cupid or the cute nappy clad devil
3. Get back to 60 kgs!!!
4. Be FRM certified
5. Visit Ladakh
6. Drive the car on a regular basis
7. Wear a dress- those flowery flowery ones
8. Get promoted in my current job
9. Learn Drums
10. Get back to dancing
11. Publish an article
12. Plant at least ONE tree
13. Drive the Bolero on a long drive (P.S.Buying the Bolero features in the BH’s list of 30 things!!!)
14. Enjoy a sunrise/sunset with Mowgli
15. Touch a tiger cub ( at least a cub)
16. Have a thriving balcony garden filled with the flowers I dream of
17. Exercise regularly
18. Go on a trek/trip every three months.
19. Go for the moonlight cycling trip with the BH
20. To be more at peace with myself, calmer with the BH and Mowgli, thinking twice before I react.
21. To sing at my sister’s wedding (i.e. if she agrees to get married !)
22. To visit Doodh sagar Falls and attempt a final Goodbye to Kitu
23. Take the parents and the in-laws on a huge vacation ( separately or together J)
24. Get a second ear stud
25. Let go of the past- the hurts, the slights, the pointing fingers
26. Sponsor a child
27. Go for dinner wearing something totally outrageous
28. Give a training/guest lecture at any B-school
29. Learn to enjoy and treasure my time with BH and Mowgli and Cocoa and be thankful for what I have
30. LIVE LIFE KINGSIZE

I have 16 months to do all this. My time starts now!!!

Time heals everything,

2009-06-04T19:52:00.001+05:30

so they say. I disagree.
Time just dulls everything. It makes you go about in that daily routine and somehow you find yourself burying the memories deep inside till you reach a stage when you can reopen your wounds and not feel that searing pain, but just a dull ache.
It’s been 8 months now since my brother left us so suddenly. And it’s okay now; I can talk about it to people without the tears welling up. But there are moments when I’m caught unaware. Whenever I read any piece of news that has a height metric in it. The moment I see xxxx metres tall, I think of 30 metres deep. That’s where they found his body. 30 metres deep. 100 feet. I think of how many 6 foot men should stand on top of each other to reach that depth. I catch my breath and bite that trembling lip willing hard not to let the tears start. Who could have predicted that such a tragedy would befall him? We go through life thinking that all such things happen to ‘other people’ and when suddenly it happens to us we are shell shocked. I cannot enter a swimming pool now without a momentary catch in my throat. The moment I dip my head into the water and stop breathing, I start panicking. Will I drown? Is this how he felt? How long would he have struggled? It takes all my determination to actually open my eyes under water and I force myself to swim knowing that if I succumb to this fear once, then that’s it. I will never get into the water again. For him, I WILL swim. I will not be afraid and break down.
I have just one prayer. Wherever he is God, keep him safe.
Let him be at peace for we who remain can never hope to be.

Chak De India!

2009-06-03T19:01:00.002+05:30

Was listening to Chak De songs and just realized that I want to see this movie again. I have already seen it a couple of times and each time I enjoy it. There is that thrill that goes up when you hear ‘Vidya Sharma, India’. And the Sattar Minute dialogue is again one of the most memorable parts of the movie. The patriotism that makes you stand up for your country. The feeling of utmost responsibility that comes from representing your country! Its amazing!!!
I have always wished that I could do something that would make my country proud. The BH also shares the sentiment. In fact he was very keen to take the IAS examinations. But somehow with things happening that just remained a dream. A couple of weeks back, I was making the morning tea when he ruefully looked at me and said ‘This is the last year that I can appear for the IAS’. Sad that they have an age limit. And there went my dreams of being the woman behind THE MAN J I would preen and simper at meetings where he would refer all his brainwaves and say “ I thank God for giving me such an intelligent wife and blah blah blah! And I would smile graciously at the cameras and go ‘Oh not at all He is just joking!” Spoof!!! That’s how the dreams vanished and I was thrown back into reality in my shorts and oats-mango-rice-dal stained T-shirt with a spoon in my hands. Well, we can dream cant we?
Now I just hope that maybe Mowgli will do something that makes India proud. I don’t know in what field, anything will do... Sports, academics, art anything.
Just make us proud baby.
And make India proud!
Cheers!!!
P.S. The Sattar Minute Dialogue

Sattar minute. Sattar minute hain tumhaare paas. Shaayad tumhari zindagi ke
sabse khaas sattar minute. Aaj tum achha khelo ya bura, yeh sattar minute tumhe
zindagi bhar yaad rahenge. Aur kaise khelna hai, aaj main tumhe nahin bataoonga.
Bas itna kahoonga ki jao aur yeh sattar minute jee bharkar khel lo. Kyunki iske
baad aane wali zindagi mein chahe kuch sahi ho ya na ho, chahe kuch rahe ya na
rahe, tum haaro ya jeeto, lekin yeh sattar minute tumse koi nahin chheen sakta.
Koi nahin. Toh maine socha ki is match mein kaisa khelna hai aaj main tumhe
nahin bataaoonga balki tum mujhe bataoge. Khelkar. Kyunki main jaanta hoon, ki
agar yeh sattar minute is team ka har player apni zindagi ki sabse badhiya
hockey khel gaya toh yeh sattar minute khuda bhi tumse waapas nahin maang sakta.
Toh jao. Jao aur apne aap se, is zindagi se, apne khuda se, aur har us insaan se
jisne tumhe... tumpar bharosa nahin kiya, apne sattar minute chheen
lo.
"Seventy minutes. You have seventy minutes. Perhaps the most special
seventy minutes of your life. Whether you play well today or not, you will
remember these seventy minutes for the rest of your life. And today, I will not
tell you how to play. All I will say is - go and play these seventy minutes to
your heart's content. Because whether what happens to your life after this is
right or not, whether you have anything or not, whether you lose or win, no one
can snatch away these seventy minutes from you. No one. So I decided that I
won't tell you how to play; you will tell me. Through your game. Because I know
that if in these seventy minutes, every player of this team plays the best
hockey of her life, then even God can't ask you for these seventy minutes back.
Go on. Go and snatch your seventy minutes. From yourself. From this life. From
your God. And from every single person who did not believe in you."

Courtesy www.sayesha.blogspot.com

Growing up so fast... Wish you wouldn't!

2009-06-01T16:59:00.006+05:30

Dear Mowgli,
Let me get this down before the terrible two’s and the teens strike us.
You are a joy to us. Pure joy. In every sense of the word. And our lives revolve around you. Period. Whatever happens , wherever you go, however you turn out I think this will always remain constant. That our lives begin and end with you.
When you were small ( read as ‘a couple of months ago’) I used to wish that you would sleep for two hours or even more just so I could finish the work and relax. But now I hate it when you sleep for more than an hour and I itch to wake you -for gone are the days when I spent every waking minute with you. You have adjusted beautifully-lets leave out the daily natak at the daycare bit- to me working. You are happy to be with your dada and cocoa. Occasionally you go stand in front of the fridge look at my photograph pasted there and ask wonderingly ma-ma? But even those instances have reduced. For most of the time you don’t even ask for me now. At one level I am relieved and happy and at another purely mom level I hate it! Totally hate the way by which you have just shut me out of your life for some part of your day. (I now understand how your dada feels when he goes on a tour and you don’t even care!)Your Dada on the other hand is positively glowing. From ignoring him for the first 18 months of your life, you have changed in to a dada’s yes man! Earlier when dada would hug me or pretend to box me around, you would come to my rescue. Now you join with your dada to pummel me down!!!!
You are the most adorable rascal around. You have your favorites - for the Amm’s you take the plate from the drawer and follow me around with the most demanding ‘mama- amm’ till I put some cornflakes or anything else in that plate. To play with your bat/ball its always dada. And for all those naughty things which dada and mama will not allow, you call out for your bua! And at the daycare it’s the watchman and the accountant lady. You smile only at them, hug them and wave ‘Babye’ at them God forbid if anybody else decided to touch you. You turn into a monster screaming your lungs out biting them and what not!!!
You are becoming quite insistent, stubborn would be a better word, fiercely independent even to the extent of wanting to wear a cap to sleep if you so decide! You like playing with other kids, though at times you smother them with kisses and at times refuse to share THEIR toys with them! Cocoa is again your all time favourite with her tummy acting as your pillow, feeding her water with a spoon, running behind her with her bowl and forcing her to eat! And whatever we tell you, you tell cocoa. So when cocoa is barking you tell her a strict ‘Nooo’ and a ‘Shhshhh’ , run after her with a rolled up paper whenever you are in the mood for some authority display! Overall you are a 24 hr nonstop entertainment channel and WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!